Sarcasm on Sabbatical

maybe it's Seasonal Affective Disorder - or maybe it's the fact that the last time I posted about being a normal average hectic mom I got Nanny offers in my comment box - either way something is wrong...

okay, not REALLY wrong...  I'm really fine, just SO unbelievably busy with have a Senior in high school that is trying to prepare for a mission and trying to open a children's museum and trying to still get dinner on the table once a week before 7 pm and trying to be supportive of my actor 13 year old who is still confused why he's gotten no offers from Hollywood yet and scouts and orthodontist appointments and my wish to be so lazy that I don't have to leave the house or even use proper grammar and commas...

you see?

but since one of my fave bloggy friends is linking me up in her post today about really horrendously bad date stories I figured I had to write SOMETHING... and in the "spirit of the season" I figured I'd tell you how I met "ManOfTheHouse"...

a- We were both on dates (not together obviously) hiking through the deep wilderness (okay, maybe not so deep) and his girl had twisted her ankle and was sitting on a rock when we came around the corner...  my guy was an EMT and was chivalrous enough to offer assistance...  it took only a few minutes to fix her up (seriously, the guy had a triangular bandage in his pocket?!?) and we hiked out of there together...  I felt a little neglected as both guys helped her hobble to the car - but hey, I got the best out of the deal in the end.

b- We lived in the same apartment complex in college and he and his brother gave me a ride to choir practice one Sunday.

c- Skydiving...  hmmm...  yeah, I should flesh out that story some more to make it believable...

The fact is our meeting story is SO similar to 1/2 of the other couples we knew at college that we would just make up something on the spot when asked...  some of the stories got pretty wild but it was always fun to see which of us would give up first... because seriously - story B was abso-boring-lutely true...

and we lived happily ever after (it got more exciting...  really...  but you see, my sisters in law read this and they will be glad I didn't add any of the exciting stuff...  (hey at least I didn't marry the guy whose story I told on Kelley's blog!)

and on that note I SO have to go switch the laundry so that I can get to a museum board meeting and call with my excuses as to why I can't attend the PTA meeting which somehow got scheduled for the exact same time...

If you give a Mom a Moment (with apologies to Laura Numeroff)

If you give a Mom a moment she is going to want to do something with it. Probably in the kitchen.

Before she can do anything she decides the counter really needs to be cleaned off so she grabs the 409 spray and gets right to work.

Smelling the chemical aroma of the disinfectant will remind her of fingernail polish and she will remember that she has had Orange polish on since Halloween.

She will then decide that the counter will still be there in a few minutes and run to remove the old polish. She will even manage to paint ONE of her fingernails in a festive bright red.

The nail polish will remind her that she recently bought new glittery red nail polish at the grocery store.

She will abandon all hope of perfectly manicured nails and return to the kitchen to search through the as yet unpacked groceries.  She will find hamburger buns.

Hamburger buns will remind her that she also bought a package of hamburger.  She will hope that the hamburger got unpacked and refrigerated (unlike the cheese which spent 36 hours in the car last week).

She will realize that it is high time to find the beef.  "Where's the Beef?" This will remind her of a commercial back in the dark ages (when she grew up) that wasn't as funny as everyone thought.

This will remind her of the blog she used to write on a regular basis.

She will mentally commit to NOT let another month slip by without writing.  This will cause much internal debate about what to write about and what to omit.  In the end she will decide that it's all water under the bridge.

Bridges remind her of the Tower Bridge which she saw on a trip, but she will quickly remind herself that she is NOT going to rehash the past.

Tapping her nails on the counter she will notice the one bright red nail and decide to return to the bathroom to finish the job.

On the way down the hall she will notice the clock.  The clock will remind her that she has children who need to be picked up from buses/school/play practice soon...

...and She will wish she had a moment...





(for the record - the counter is still 1/3 clean - all 10 nails are now painted... even if it did take another 48 hours - and the beef was in the freezer)

etcetera, etcetera, etcetera...

forget California... I was out of songs with that state in the title anyway...

Suffice it to say that we spent a few more days there... took a few too many pictures...

served Chocolate Cake to the kids for breakfast before going on the teacups...

you know, all the typical things.

and since then we've been basking in the afterglow of the happiest place on earth - because of COURSE every moment in our lives is that much fun.

I mean - all 3 boys saw the dentist and NONE had cavities - chalking that up to "Disney Miracle"...

Especially given the things some of them eat! Maybe that was a Floride sucker?

The girls have managed to be to most of the soccer practices/games, softball practices/games, dance rehearsals/performances, choir rehearsals/performances - despite the fact that often (Tuesdays and Wednesdays) there are 5 things at one time - WITHOUT my brain exploding.  That's a Disney Miracle too.

Okay, maybe that's just a miracle.  Pretty sure Walt's got nothing to do with it.

We made it through both of the girls' birthdays baking only one cake for each... we won't mention how HUGE one of those cakes was... or at least we won't mention it until I can find the picture and blog about it... :) Suffice it to say that she is not like to get another cake that large until she's likes a boy enough to want to share a piece of freezer burned cake as an anniversary celebration.

and today, today we're grateful for small miracles - the laundry is getting folded before the pile toppled over crushing me beneath its sheer weight.  The REAL miracle in there is that any of the children had anything left to wear... well, at least it will get folded if I ever stop writing.

BUT WAIT - after much whining and complaining and the such from certain people I turned OFF the word verification in my comments - today it is officially being turned back on.  Whine and complain all you like, but the experiment failed...  after deleting multiple spam comments trying to advertise for less than wholesome websites I really can't stand it anymore.  Hopefully none of them got missed in the deletion process - certainly let me know if you see them because as much as I hated digging through and having to read their garbage - I don't want my lovely readers to have to see that as well!

California Dreamin...

So many of my childhood Disneyland Memories were trashed while on this trip - beginning with the submarine ride...

M enjoyed it immensely and could not get enough of Nemo... but I was still looking for that scantily clad mermaid that caused such an uproar back in the day...

Not sure with this one if they were enjoying Disney so much or they just wanted another picture...

probably the latter - and what's with my 7 year old flashing gang signs of unknown origin? Could somebody please remind her that she lives in Suburbia?  Good old suburbia... ahh, where everyone is almost as polite as the trash cans at Disney...

almost.

Couldn't resist one "Small World" photo...  even that has changed - the puppets look a little more real (read as "creepy")... but the song?  Pretty sure that is exactly the same.  Although the ducks quacking along in tune might have been a new addition.  but not one I highly approve of.

Oh wait, make that TWO "Small World" photos...  look, the boys were smiling, I think that means they liked it...

Wait, where's W?  Hey dude, why are you hanging your head over the edge of the boat? All these random strangers that got caught in my picture are going to think you're sea-sick... maybe we'd better save the Tea-Cups for another day!

 Proving that even ManOfTheHouse got into the Spirit! Adding his Tarzan yell to the treehouse ambience. (while I sulked in my childhood memory of the Swiss Family Robinson Treehouse...)

My girls were awesome - for three days we walked past all those character signings - kids and their parents waiting in ridiculous lines to meet some potential creeper dressed in a costume... my girls? M asked me once if I could just photo-shop her into a bunch of pictures with all the characters.  Assured that I could (notice I didn't say WOULD) we walked past as I snapped a picture of characters with random other youngsters.

This one though - Pluto walked right up to us - so H is not just a random youngster :)

 oh, also not random youngsters? These girls got to play Musical Chairs with the Mad Hatter and the White Rabbit...

H here was supposed to tell a joke when she got eliminated... she couldn't come up with one.

 M was one of the last two contestants - and since they added back in about 7 chairs they called it a tie...  meaning she didn't get to tell the joke she had in mind.

All of Disneyland should be glad because she was still dwelling on the $3 craps sign that she saw while driving through Vegas.

 The best part of her being one of the winners was the prize - They got to put away the chairs!  So proud of the big happy grin on my girl's face at this announcement - though I wish I'd gotten a picture of the monumental SCOWL on the other girl's face at the same moment...  hilarious!

Enough pictures for one day? Yeah - probably...  especially since this is the point of the trip where the bar came down on my camera during the Haunted Mansion ride and knocked the battery case open and knocked it to Manual...  which took me all day to realize so I got a bunch of over-exposed pictures...  blech - if you squint you might be able to see that the girls got to hang with Mater and that other Car...  yeah, yeah - you know, the star of the show... whatever - Mater is funnier :)

If you're sick of Disneyland come back in a few days - I'm sure that by then I will have moved on to pictures of the Air Show and Birthday celebrations.  At the rate I'm knocking these out you'll be hearing about my Spring Break until Thanksgiving! (and still not have spent as much time reading about it as I did in the line for Peter Pan...)

 

Hotel California... part one...

I spent some time going through the 500+ photos today - reducing them to the shots that I knew were winners... 

Eliminating about 59 of the "It's A Small World After All" pictures... even though I KNOW that's what everyone wanted to see... 

and I was left with 72.

Too many?

Yeah, I thought so too...

SO - you'll get them in small doses.

and maybe somewhere along the way I'll realize that you don't need to see EACH of the kids attempting to pull Excalibur from the Stone - just me.  Wait, I didn't do that did I?

I present to you - Day One.

Well, the last part of day one...  they frown on you taking pictures of your little girl in church who can barely sit still because she knows that we'll soon be leaving for Disneyland.

And pictures of the car trip?  Aside from the very blurred picture of a sign advertising "$3 Craps" in Las Vegas (which was BEYOND hilarious to a 7 year old) there just wasn't much to report.

First stop in California...

Okay Second stop... the first was in a small podunk town for gas and a potty break - but the "potty break" didn't happen thanks to the whiff we got of that bathroom. We have standards people.  And apparently really really strong bladders.

I present the Redondo Beach Pier...

and that's the Veggie Teen up close and personal with the local Pelican wildlife.

M knew to keep her distance, but really wanted to see that HUGE bird!

My kind of shop...

The sky was FILLED with cool kites - there was crazy wind - and this kite gave sweet M a little bit more reason to hold tight in the wind.

Awwww... You'd think that they liked each other... maybe this really IS the happiest place on earth?

The walk-ways all along had these cool fishy themed reliefs on them, M decided this was the only way she was getting to pet a dolphin. 

And then I realized that "petting the dolphin" actually meant "caressing the layers of Seagull droppings that are coating the ground"...

Ick - where's the hand sanitizer?

And thus we became familiar with beach bathrooms... better than Podunk town bathrooms...  a little.


Oh yeah - we went to Disneyland too... 

See :)

 Goal #1 of Disneyland - Use all of the different bathrooms within the park.

Yeah, didn't happen.

Goal #2 - Ride all the rides once.

Also, didn't happen.  Is there ever a week when all the rides are even OPEN?

Don't worry - I have a lot more "happy happy joy joy" pictures to share...  and maybe a few "snarky snarky boy boy" pictures... but those will have to wait - it was a VERY jam packed Spring Break and I'd like to milk the fun for all it's worth here at least... in person it went by WAY too quickly!


 

If you can't say nothin' nice... don't say nothin'...

Only it wasn't the "nice" that was giving me troubles.

well... maybe once.  But seriously - soccer coaches of 7 year old girls really should not be so competitive.

I was keeping a secret.  Now, at long last I can let the cat out of the bag...

not THAT secret!  Oh for crying out loud I'm already a mother of 5 wonderful kids - that can can stay in the bag.  Consider that bag knotted and tossed in the river.

Great, now there's going to be hate mail from PETA.

bring it on...  I do my part for animals by not owning any... trust me, it's for the best.

...

Oh, yeah - the secret...

*cue the music*

We're goin' to Disneyyyylaaand...

did you sing that too?

No?  Well get back up there and try again because you are obviously need a little pick me up.

As I write this my kids have no idea...  none.  We're telling them tomorrow.  Packing should be fun - I mean, isn't that the best part of the trip???

A little prayer of thanks that I did 97% of the laundry in the house on Wednesday - because today?  Today the washing machine broke.  Yep...  I think last time we planned to go to Disneyland our washer broke too... only it managed to break BEFORE we purchased non-refundable tickets and so we enjoyed a lovely vacation at home scrounging for the last clean clothes until the new washing machine ("the happiest washing machine on earth") could be delivered.  Almost as much fun... and without the fear of some creeper dressed as a huge over sized stuffed animal coming up behind us.

Oh wait... we're excited about this really... I mean, I've already packed my Grumpy t-shirt and I'm wearing my Grumpy sun visor even though it's 11:30 at night.  Wait, it's daylight savings tonight so let's just call it 12:30am... which makes wearing a sun visor totally acceptable.

I'll take lots of pictures... lots and lots and lots... otherwise all the effort that went into finding color coordinated shirts for my kids will have been wasted.  I'll take and share so many pictures that you'll think you were there with us.  You may even experience a little nausea after the tea-cups... I know I will.  Okay, I won't photograph that.

So many pictures... just none today.

(and if you NEED to get in touch with me for some reason, well...  first, it had better be uber stinkin' important if you're going to cut into my Mickey time - and second... oh, there's no second... just message me on twitter... or text me if you're lucky enough to be one of the 17.6 people who have my number...

and trust me, you don't want to know about that 6/10ths of a person who keeps calling... she's right up there with the soccer coach on my "people who are causing me to re-evaluate my 'the meek shall inherit the earth' belief"

don't bother robbing my house - I'm taking all the good stuff with me...  leaving behind the busted washing machine and a big attack dog who hasn't been fed in weeks.

oh crap - I already mentioned my dislike of animals...  you might believe the "hasn't been fed in weeks" before you believe the "dog" part... and you'd be right...

Instead I'm leaving a lot of clutter right inside the front door... because being sued by my trespassers sounds like a lot of fun - and unfortunately, not as far fetched as you'd think.

Trash Can Archaeology...

When I was a kindergarten teacher (yes, WAY back then...) we used to have this fun unit where we read about Archaeology. 

I know I know... seems like an advanced topic for Kindergarten... and I'd defend it if I remembered WHY I did it... I  am sure it had something to do with a book we were writing - but the point is it was FUN! 

I got a few parents in the class to save their "clean" garbage for the week  (read as: no food, no diapers, no tissues...) - and at the end of the week we'd split into teams, go through the garbage and make guesses about what kind of people lived in the household.

it's a little scary what your trash tells about you.

My trash today?

Empty Cake Mix Boxes: 2, strawberry & yellow

eggshells: probably just enough for those cakes

Empty Kit Kat Wrappers: 25

Empty M&Ms bag: 1(but only because there were some left in the other bag)

Snips from the tops of colorful melting chocolate: 5 (because the first 3 bags were already open)

Nearly empty can of frosting: 1

Microwave Popcorn Bags (Empty of course): 12

Unpopped Popcorn Kernels: Too many to count

Crumpled Paper Towels, stained with a rainbow of colors: Lots

Empty Kool-Aid Packets: 6 - all different flavors/colors

Wrappers from new ice cube trays - 3, double packed...

Empty 2 liter bottles of Generic Lemon Lime Soda: 1... the other 3 got thrown away at church.

Pizza Boxes: 3

Wrappers from the really yummy white chocolate bite size candies that I ate for "energy": Too many.

You know what this says about our family???

Pull out your hidden archaeologist skills and let me know...

all I know is that to my kids it says I spend way too much time and effort on treats for my youth group girls and not enough time making a healthy meal for my family.

imagine the other pictures of colorful popcorn and rainbow drinks...

Tonight I promise there will be an empty bag of tossed salad...

And a few more wrappers from those little white chocolate candies... nom....