P.S. - for her birthday...

we've decided to Mortify our little M just a little bit - she'll be thrilled.

Run over to Babes in Hairland and see the story of her awful haircut - and vote for her... I frankly can't remember what the prize is, but since the contest ends on her birthday (and we're currently tied for fourth place) I think I'll shamelessly plug my own little girlie :)

She's contestant #1 - and you're allowed two votes, but in honor of my baby being 5 and making me feel old, you gotta help a girl out!

okay, that's all... back to ogling my shoes (below)...

Fashion Faux Pas

Getting ready for church yesterday was a struggle...  could be the fact that I stayed in bed that last 1/2 hour - but once again we were waltzing through the door during the opening song.  I REALLY hate being late...  it irks me something awful.  I think I hate it as much as all that texting lingo...  maybe more.  

I mostly hate being late to church - because not only are you on display as "that family" but you are also forced to sit in the back on the hard cold chairs!  I REALLY hate hard cold chairs...  I waited in the hall for the overflow curtain to be completely open so that the entire congregation would be able to look forward again before I walked in...  and not only because I don't want the "opening night" reveal - I was wearing my brand new smokin' hot red heels (after seeing Barbaloot's I just couldn't resist!) and I'm still a little shaky in them.  They are great "show shoes" but not such great "walking shoes" - could this be why they were on such a great sale?  (okay, it has much more to do with the face that they're size tiny)  I really didn't want to fall on my keister in front of the entire congregation!

In the first few minutes of church I had a few good laughs...  a good friend was speaking and after she was introduced I started laughing.  No, she wasn't that hilarious... but she was wearing a shirt SO similar to the wall color behind her that she just looked like a head with some waving arms.  Maybe I should have put on my glasses at this point but I was enjoying the effect so much that they stayed in the pocket...

and then... I remembered...  the closing prayer...  I'd been called earlier in the week and asked to give it... only - ummm... I'm still wearing THESE 

shoes!I know, way cute and all - but really SERIOUSLY not the easiest things to walk in...  

the right pinky toe is a little squished and the back of the shoe has a tendency to slip off the back of my heel...

I'm pretty "heel-proficient" - for crying out loud I'm 4'11" so I have had a lot of practice - but these are giving me a run for my money.  With a little more practice I'll be running marathons in these puppies (well, okay, maybe not marathons) but for the time being I am working on gripping with my toes each time I step so that I don't look like an idiot. 

I spent the whole walk up to the podium saying a silent little prayer that I wouldn't fall on my face!  By the time I got up there I was already in prayer mode so it all just worked out fine...  

Turns out the 3 hour block is the max for these shoes though - hope the choir wasn't offended by my barefoot singing :)

(and yes - I'm a little blog-deficient lately...  I'm working on my basement still... and birthdays... we'll get back in the swing of things soon - really!)

incoherent rambling...

as I type I am being bombarded on all sounds by LOUD noises...  

you see, I decided that my daughter (whose 7th birthday was last week) could have a small party.  "small" being the operative word - something not "over the top"

I am QUEEN of "over the top" however... we've done "diva" parties in the past, tea parties, pirate treasure hunts and Harry Potter parties where I made 10 Quidditch Robes.

So this party... just a little pizza, candy, popcorn, soda and watching HSM 3...  

Of course, while shopping I found 11 pair of HSM pajamas on clearance for 2 and 3 bucks...  hey, that's a good alternative to a treat bag right...  and those cute clearance purses for $1...  

I stopped there - no more junk.  I even went "easy" on the cake - I just made cupcakes and orange icing - they can "slam dunk" it into the icing  just like Troy Bolton... or not... I'm not sure if anyone is going to want any cupcakes after all the licorice, jellybeans, and pretzels...

But I am currently realizing that while my idea of watching a movie may be peaceful and quiet - 12 little girls do not share my opinion...  one of them has already  run to the bathroom (too many jellybeans?) and another is laughing so hard she just said "you're making me pee"  -  which got my attention right away because she's sitting on my couch.  The others are insisting on a "password" to get past their outstretched legs (please, let the puker and the pee-er by without a password).

When they're not being loud yelling over the dialogue, they are singing along with the songs...  and I'm not complaining - but I'm willing to bet that none of these 5-7 year olds have ever taken voice lessons!

My youngest turns 5 on Tuesday...  I think I'll just invite along one friend and go to Wendy's - I think a Frosty is thick enough to hold up a candle right?

Shhhh... maybe if I don't say anything...

so I've been painting  this color all over my walls in the storage room...  not because it's my favorite color or anything but because I have an entire gallon of it and I'd like to use it for something other than landfill (besides, I think that's illegal)

Yesterday was a little hectic, and somehow between running to Ortho and baseball I managed to miss a few little paint smudges... on my cheek.  One may have been obscured by my glasses (can't wear the contacts during construction, too much dust) but the other was lower and pretty obvious once I noticed it...

Thing is... I noticed it at 8:30 p.m. - AFTER the game where I chatted with a minimum of 7 other adults - leaving a nice first impression for 5 of them and leaving me wondering why at least the 2 I DID know didn't say something...

But it is THEIR fault - I had also been at the Ortho office where the 2 secretaries happily made new appointments and took my $141 without saying a word.

I can't really blame it on them though - my own children didn't even make that uncomfortable hand motion that signifies "you've got a little shmutz"

Maybe I just pulled it off so well that everyone assumes it's the latest thing - just you wait, next week you'll see people all over the country with a little shmutz on their faces!

Ugh.

Take Me Out to the.... Fat Farm

yesirreee folks, it's that time of year again - when I get to spend 4 nights a week at the ball park - enjoying the sounds of summer, the crack of the bat, the roar of the crowd, and all those other sounds... like the whine of my kids...

"can I have a drink"  "I'm  hungry"  "what's for dinner"

What's for dinner?  are you kidding, we pick up from the school at 3:30 to make it to a 3:50 Orthodontist Appointment for W followed by a 4:10 Orthodontist Appointment for T-man... this SHOULD leave us enough time to swing by home to allow Po to change into his gear for his 5:00 baseball game... but just in case we already have the gear stowed in the car - for the cost of braces the Ortho office shouldn't mind if we use their bathroom as a changing room right?

So where does dinner come in?  Crock Pot meals are always an option (we can eat at 7:30) but I'm running out of Crock Pot recipes that my kids will actually eat.  Fast Food is... well, in the interest of my blog readers who have sworn off the fast food for the year, we'll just say that it's unhealthy and a bad idea.  

The ball field has food at the snack shack - burgers, corn dogs, hot dogs, nachos, laffy taffy - and lots of other things that have no expiration date.  

I could swing by and pick up a few $5.99 pizzas - or maybe a $5 footlong (ooh, there's a plan!) but 4 nights a week?

Some of you may know that I've been on the  Yo-Yo Diet for the past year...  before that I was on a sensible diet where I got down (lost 35 pounds!) to exactly what I wanted to weigh and felt great...  and then Baseball season hit and it all went the way of the dinosaur because eating well takes time.  Or at least determination!  The fact that I didn't get right back on board when the season ended and that I'm starting this season at more than I want can be blamed only on... well, me I guess - but I'm planning to shift all of that blame off onto this season anyway... I really hate guilt.

Bring on the nachos.

So if you see a frantic mom (with a little extra padding around the middle) dragging her (1/2 dressed) baseball clad kids out of the orthodontist office and driving off like a bat out of Hades... wave and smile :)

Gems from the Pulpit...

I was reminded today by a speaker in church that WAY back in the day when the grass was still green and all that jazz there was this book... a book to remind you of many ways to get along well in life...

Yeah - that's the one - with such gems as "Learn to identify local wildflowers" & "when playing games with children, let them win"

Back in my late teens it seems that these books were flying off the shelves...  1/2 of them probably sold to the Young Women Leaders at churches around the country.  I have one...

...unfortunately for my children I also have the "other" book:

Given to me by a good friend while I was in the hospital recuperating from abdominal surgery...  until my nurse told me that if it hurts when I laugh maybe I should put the book away.

Just for fun - I looked up #44 in both books (because maybe THAT's what the dream was about?)

Instruction Book:  Show respect for teachers

Destruction Book: Mumble

My kids immediately came home from church to read a few pages of these gems...  so while the Instruction Books (two different volumes) sit here on my computer desk whilst I blog the kids are over there guffawing over suggestions to "comment on weight gain in others", " see what it takes to get the lifeguard to blow the whistle" and reminders that "stopping for red lights after midnight is a waste of time"... but no worries, none of them drive yet - and besides, the books says to "tuck a $20 in your billfold so the trooper will take the hint"

Hmmmm...  I wonder why my kids turned out like this?

When ManOfTheHouse and I got married we combined our CD collections and had a few duplicates... we figured that meant we were truly compatible - and traded them in for some newer ones at GreyWhale CD exchange...  but then we realized we had another Cosmic Universe Sign of Compatibility:  Q had this book:

and I had another about a Dead Frog (also a gift from that same friend - different hospital stay) Wish I could have found a picture - mine is long lost and I can't seem to locate a copy anywhere... those demented children of mine who inherited their humor from unknown sources would certainly appreciate it!

My week - a.k.a. "No, I didn't drop off the face of the blogosphere..."

I know, I know - I haven't updated all week... I've also been horrendous at checking other people's blogs and leaving my witty and insightful comments to make you smile... will you forgive me?  Here's what we've been up to...  although it would be more accurate if there were about 456 photos of the different stages of completing the basement storage room that I've been working on all week... oh MAN I need a mani!

Friday - oops... forgot to flip the picture...  G'ma and G'pa C took the fam out to a very nice restaurant here in town.  We've been wanting to take H there for awhile (for reasons that should be obvious to those of you who know H - and which give BIG hints as to H's real name for those of you who don't know her!)

Saturday - W told me a few days before his birthday that what he really wanted was a moustache...  being as his hormones are unlikely to spring forth a bushy food saver by the end of the day - the boys had to make do with the spa bubbles (G'ma and G'pa C stayed in a condo with a very nice pool!)
Still Saturday - W wanted an alien cake for his birthday - YAY - a five minute decorating job, my favorite kind!!!   He was distracted while I was taking his picture, and although I took another that showcases his lovely smile I liked this one better because it will remind me of his personality more :)  G'ma & G'pa B showed up in time to cut the cake with the rest of us - my favorite part of the cake was definitely the little gumball machine aliens scattered inside the pastry... a mini alien autopsy!
Sunday - W (now 12) was ordained - G'parents from both sides of the family were present, pleasant, and proud!  M chatted up a storm during the blessing because she thought it could be accomplished in a more timely manner - but she will get over that.
Monday - for family night we gave in and took the kids to "Pirate Pizza" - which is not what it's called officially, but it works for me.  This is a local restaurant which is frequented for its ambiance and NOT for its pizza...  the Turkey sandwich was very good and I am glad for my resolve to listen to the suggestions of the waitstaff when I cannot make up my own mind!


Tuesday - as part of the ongoing basement renovation I had to empty the food storage rotation racks... the dust on the cans was creating some interesting recipe disasters so it was time to clean it all up before putting the storage room back together (soon, really... I promise...)  As an added bonus
Wednesday - my good friend J from my years in Washington State dropped by on her way home (not to Washington) and brought her gorgeous girls with her.  I hadn't seen T, C, & M in a number of years - holy CATS!  Can't believe that the oldest is DRIVING - the middle one made a confession (about my eldest son) which I won't share publicly (but you can check out the comments from last week's post if you're THAT curious) - and the youngest (whom I remember as a toddler sleeping on my living room floor) is a mouthy but funny little 9 year old!!!
Thursday - I paid H & M (along with neighbors P & A) to spray off the racks from the aforementioned rotation shelves...  a few things besides the racks got wet... sorry about your boat guys...  I also snuck away from the insane basement remodel long enough to do lunch with some friends... yummy Spinach Shrimp Salad at Applebee's is the perfect remedy for lungs full of gypsum dust!
Friday - H's birthday - a little HSM anyone?  She's so excited she can barely eat her Toaster Strudel!

I promise, no more week long absences... at least not NEXT week!

Not Quite Shakespeare...

it's been one of those weeks...  not one of the lazy ones - one of the nutso caboodle type ones!  I've enjoyed MANY moments of the week/weekend but I'm REALLY tired, and there's still my primary class to get through today... and my sons' Deacon ordination... and the barbecue at my house afterward...  yeah, we're gonna make it - but blogging has taken a back seat.  M.O.T.H. didn't believe it could happen - but the proof is in the pudding (and the jello fluff salad, the Manti Barbecue marinade, and the potato salad which are all in the fridge after my late night cooking session)

A few days ago I was reminded while reading blogs about Burger King wrappers and their inspired bits of wisdom... I miss those, I obviously need to take up the eating of fries again because I miss their insight - what am I left with?

really, what?

I'll tell you - I'm left with the cheesy wisdom of Ivory soap.  Bleary eyed as I was this morning I noticed that the wrappers were individually printed with quotes...  the one I stuck in the kids' bathroom said some mumbo jumbo about true beauty... did I buy into it, heck no - I still felt the need to shower and try to cover those bags under my eyes!  The one I popped into my own shower said "The road to a friends' house is never long and the directions are easy" - I was doubting this one immediately since my in-laws drove about 4 hours to get here (even though ManOfTheHouse makes that same drive in 3... he's a little lead footed maybe?) and my parents drove about 9 hours to get here... (not counting the hours of stopping and sleeping obviously).

So, no, it's not Shakespeare - and frankly, I could probably use a big, cold, icy beverage from BK  right now to open my eyes - but I'll settle for  the Ivory...  because beggars can't be choosers.

But I'll tell you what, I'm buying Lever 2000 next time, because wisdom doesn't really make up for not cleaning ALL of my 2000 body parts!

And The Winner Is....

#44 came to me in my dream last night... really, I'm not even kidding.  I have no idea why actually - I have no particular affinity for that number - I wasn't PLANNING to dream up a winner number, but for some reason when I was nodding off that's the number that popped into my brain... I laughed at myself and went to sleep assuming I'd have forgotten the number by morning and I would have to use the Random Number Generator - but NO, I remembered so #44 is going to win...  

When I looked up WHO was #44 I had to laugh... because Shelle has been discussing some rather *ahem* hot and spicy topics lately and then I remembered my ONLY mental association with the #44 goes all the way back to Jr. High when I was at a 9th grade boys' basketball game - and the #44 on the opposing team had me cheering for the OTHER Jr. High the entire game...  My friend Kim and I drooled over #44 a.k.a. "chest guy" for the duration of the game...  and frankly for the rest of the year as we tried to casually meet the guy even though he went to a different school than we did...  I did meet him the next year in High School... not nearly so hot without a sweaty basketball jersey...

Holy Cats!  That's a long way to say "Congrats to Shelle" - she wins the cake because Hey, she's local and that's going to be the way it is...  So - just e-mail me with a date, flavor, theme...  if you want to google cakes and send images you can... we'll chat and work it out!  Maybe over a pedi...  you'll be back in town by Tuesday the 24th right?

That leaves me with the Cards...  which I STILL haven't taken pictures of... but I swear they're cute and classy and all that you ever wanted - I'll photograph them as they go into the envelope to be sent, really...

And for that winner we're going to rely on the Random Number Generator... because I didn't dream any more numbers - and can't remember if there were other hot guys on that basketball team...

So, with 1-74 (including my extra entries) - random.org went with 37 - which is News Around The Blogs - whom I've NEVER met, even bloggily - but whom I am happy to see loves handmade cards!  I'll leave a note on her blog letting her know so that I can send them out!

Thanks for playing - I'd let you know more about my crazy life, but that'll have to wait - I still have 1/2 a house to clean and a birthday cake to make and....  well, frankly - I'm busy being fabulous!  (Thanks Sher for the super excuse!)

Blog-a-versary Giveaway

I can hardly believe that I’ve been doing this whole “blog” thing for an entire year... SIL talked me into it (okay, I was hardly kicking and screaming - but I can still blame it on her right?) and now I have to wonder what I did with my life BEFORE blogging???

Laundry?
Dishes?
Gourmet Meals?
Exercise?
Nah, I probably just read more and wasted more time on silly things like television. I haven’t played a game of solitaire in... oh... all year... unless of course you count that spider solitaire that T the Younger plays on facebook... I have to stand over his shoulder and help him out now and then :)

Oh - the giveaway... I am feeling remiss that I haven’t done one since last July - so I’ll do two:
One of you will win a pile of handmade cards from my very own stash that I keep in my scrapbook room for “special occasions” - they are WAY cute of course - and I will post lovely pictures of them when I actually pack them up to send... which will be after I finish cleaning that room - yipes!

Another lucky reader will win a custom cake made by my own little hands - this will have to go to a local of course because I cannot ship my cakes... let’s be honest - I have nightmares when I have to deliver them more than a few miles away! So - if you live in the St George Utah area (or happen to be related to me and we’ll be visiting near the time you want a cake) (or if you happen to NOT be related to me and are willing to make the trip to get it...) - just put in your comments that you want to be included in the cake giveaway!
All comments will earn an entry - you can grab an extra entry by swinging by the book blog and commenting there as well... I’d give away more entries for following etc... but hey, I only want totally dedicated followers... you want some Kool-aid?  I'll pick a random winner (two actually) by Friday and post it here - I know you're WAY excited!!!!

P.S. - there are a TON of give-aways today - pop on over to S.I.T.S. and check out their Mr. Linky :)  Happy Spring!!!

Try Try Again...

I'm sure I've mentioned before that I'm not a chocolate fan...  but do you know WHY?  Don't worry - I'll just tell the short version - because I KNOW you want to KNOW!

In H.S. I was a ball of stress - so much so that I developed an ulcer and my doctor insisted that I go easy on my stomach... which meant no mexican food (gasp!), no caffeinated beverages ('meh - who needs to be AWAKE for seminary?), and NO chocolate!!!! (double and triple gasp!)

The next day - the choir began a fundraiser selling chocolate bars for $1 each...  I almost cried... I spent 4 class periods in the fine arts wing of the building and was subjected to the smell of chocolate the entire time... my clothes smelled like chocolate every day... and I couldn't have any...

After about 2 weeks - I just couldn't STAND the smell of chocolate - I still can't...

Which is why yesterday when I had to bake a chocolate cake for a friends' son I went down to the basement and opened windows - asking my children to listen for the timer and call me when it went off...

Ummm - did you know it's really hard to hear the kitchen timer when you're outside playing catch?  I do now...

So, I scrap that cake (well, the kids ate most of it... but it wasn't really worthy of someone ELSE's family) and after pack meeting and book club I make a run to the grocery store for some chocolate cake mix.  If anyone has the audacity to suggest I should be doing homemade for this they're going to get my virtual foot up their blog-side.

In the end - it all turned out okay...

I used my favorite scrapbook technique (paper piecing) - stolen from the quilting world (applique) - which I like to refer to by "Scraplique"... so what is it called when you do it with fondant?  

Lazy.

cut hey, if lazy gets the job done, trust me to figure it out!

"this" close to getting a new Jacuzzi!

ManOfTheHouse and I were shopping last week - and perusing the aisles when the PERFECT Jacuzzi caught our eye...  We debated the merits and advantages this particular model had over the other similar items...  we were SOLD!  The perfect Swirly action... and who can resist that great rating - 5 stars!

But the store was completely out - and no, the floor model (which wasn't technically ON the floor, more of a shelf...) wasn't for sale... 

bummer.

So instead of getting this wonderful Jacuzzi Maxima Model:

We ended up with your typical American Standard Toilet.  Didn't even KNOW before this day that Jacuzzi MADE toilets actually! 

Wait!  What's that?  You thought I meant THIS kind of Jacuzzi?

Ewww... Do you know what people DO in those things!

Incentive for Higher Education

In preschool last year M had a friend in class whose aspiration in life was to become a Pumper Truck Driver.  Really - on career week that's what he had me write on the paper as he drew his picture.  Ummm... if you don't know what a Pumper Truck Driver is then maybe you wouldn't have been grossed out by his picture, and I maybe shouldn't have asked...

A pumper truck driver is important to keeping our world functioning - but not a job I'd recommend.  Without pumper truck drivers port-a-potties 'round the world would be overflowing with... well, whatever is in them.  I personally wouldn't know what is in them because I have learned that I have excellent bladder control when it comes to port-a-potties... I can hold it for HOURS.  One of my worst nightmares is taking the kids to the reservoir and them needing to go!

So Tuesday night after Scouts the boys come home from school - and I'm channel flipping and come across "Dirty Jobs" - and lo and behold the job they're highlighting is Pumper Truck Driver.  Just the idea of this makes me yog - I had to cover my eyes during a goodly portion of the show because while I may have excellent bladder control, I have a very sensitive gag reflex.  That RV movie... yeah - seriously gross!!!  Had to close my eyes AND plug my ears for that one!  I'm willing to bet good money that the concession sales during that show were lacking somewhat!

I don't think I'll be marking the calendar for the next Dirty Jobs episode - or maybe I will, and I'll just manage to have dishes left to do...  I don't mind the boys watching it - W announced just a few minutes in that he DEFINITELY wants to go to college now!

The Healing Quilt...

When I was a little girl - if any of us kids were frightened or ill there was a place of safety - same as any other kids' place of safety probably... Mom and Dad's bed...  Of course, my parents had a pretty good system... if we came in their room we'd get a quilt on the floor near their bed.

This Quilt?

You know, I'm not 100% sure that this is THE only quilt that I snuggled up in on those floor-sleeping nights, but this is the quilt I remember best.  I remember being sick and wrapped up in this quilt on the couch - I remember drinking hot jell-o water for an upset stomach and accidentally spilling a little on the quilt - I remember one night huddled in the quilt holding a cold soda against my burning up foot when infection was winning the battle...

but most of all I remember fingering the many many fabrics of the double wedding ring design - crafted by my great grandmother when my own mother was married - and my mom telling me stories of where the fabrics came from... if I can recall I think there were pieces of many fabrics that had also been used for great aunt's dresses and great uncle's suits...  a great distraction from worry and nausea - Mom loves to tell stories about her family - and they never stopped at the fabrics!

Speaking of fabrics... our quilt is still around - but not exactly in great shape... The photo shows that it's a little faded, but you can't really see that there's more stuffing poking out than being held in by the quilting...  so I'll be sending some alternate fabric...  something given to me by my grandmother...  because I'm being groomed for the "She Who Dies With The Most Fabric Wins" club...  it's a family tradition!

To learn about the "sisterhood of the traveling quilt" check this out - 

To Join the S.W.D.W.T.M.F.W. club...  just drop by sometime... ManOfTheHouse would LOVE for me to donate some to you :)

The Pros and Cons of Bookfair Week...

Pro:  I feel so relieved when it's finally over

Con:  I think I gained 76 pounds eating all the junk that it required to keep me awake and caring.

Pro:  I finally finished my state quarters collection!!!

Con:  My fingers probably still have a metallic taste from counting so much change!!!

Pro:  I get to hang out with some awesome teachers/PTA volunteers/parents

Con:  The "rush" immediately after school gives me an instant headache

Pro:  The school gets a BUNCH of good books out of the deal

Con:  I become a huge CYNIC about everything...

Really, it seems that there is always a kid in there trying to get away with something...  a 50 cent eraser or a $10 science kit...  I've seen them all try to walk out the door stuffed in backpacks, down pants, up sleeves...  and I don't LIKE being the suspicious guard of all things!  I really don't - which leads me to tell you my LEAST favorite moments  of the week...  While retrieving the $17 dollar digital organizer one "shopper" had shoved UNDER the bookfair shelves (for his friend waiting on the other side) another volunteer was helping the girl who was looking for a way to spend her $2...  (money apparently does burn holes in pockets) - all the while I've taken my eyes off of the main table where the other volunteer has left her phone... her iPhone...  her brand new iPhone which has just recently been programmed with all of her information and loaded up with good apps for her kids...

It's gone - poof!  We call it, text it, call it again... but it's just not there...  She texts a reward to her phone hoping that whoever took it will value cash over toy...  but  nothing...  It's not even MY phone, but I'm sick...  what's with this?

Long story short - the phone came back the next day - not voluntarily, but it came back... it will need a good cleaning out from all the playground sand but it should survive.  BUT - am I going to be a Cynic forever?  What's happened when I can't trust kids...  

Pro:  I now want to take that kid who stole the phone and just hug the snot out of him/her...  I won't go into the hows and whys...  and yes, they're still being punished for the theft... but this kid needs a good role model more than anything...