Sarcasm on Sabbatical

maybe it's Seasonal Affective Disorder - or maybe it's the fact that the last time I posted about being a normal average hectic mom I got Nanny offers in my comment box - either way something is wrong...

okay, not REALLY wrong...  I'm really fine, just SO unbelievably busy with have a Senior in high school that is trying to prepare for a mission and trying to open a children's museum and trying to still get dinner on the table once a week before 7 pm and trying to be supportive of my actor 13 year old who is still confused why he's gotten no offers from Hollywood yet and scouts and orthodontist appointments and my wish to be so lazy that I don't have to leave the house or even use proper grammar and commas...

you see?

but since one of my fave bloggy friends is linking me up in her post today about really horrendously bad date stories I figured I had to write SOMETHING... and in the "spirit of the season" I figured I'd tell you how I met "ManOfTheHouse"...

a- We were both on dates (not together obviously) hiking through the deep wilderness (okay, maybe not so deep) and his girl had twisted her ankle and was sitting on a rock when we came around the corner...  my guy was an EMT and was chivalrous enough to offer assistance...  it took only a few minutes to fix her up (seriously, the guy had a triangular bandage in his pocket?!?) and we hiked out of there together...  I felt a little neglected as both guys helped her hobble to the car - but hey, I got the best out of the deal in the end.

b- We lived in the same apartment complex in college and he and his brother gave me a ride to choir practice one Sunday.

c- Skydiving...  hmmm...  yeah, I should flesh out that story some more to make it believable...

The fact is our meeting story is SO similar to 1/2 of the other couples we knew at college that we would just make up something on the spot when asked...  some of the stories got pretty wild but it was always fun to see which of us would give up first... because seriously - story B was abso-boring-lutely true...

and we lived happily ever after (it got more exciting...  really...  but you see, my sisters in law read this and they will be glad I didn't add any of the exciting stuff...  (hey at least I didn't marry the guy whose story I told on Kelley's blog!)

and on that note I SO have to go switch the laundry so that I can get to a museum board meeting and call with my excuses as to why I can't attend the PTA meeting which somehow got scheduled for the exact same time...

If you give a Mom a Moment (with apologies to Laura Numeroff)

If you give a Mom a moment she is going to want to do something with it. Probably in the kitchen.

Before she can do anything she decides the counter really needs to be cleaned off so she grabs the 409 spray and gets right to work.

Smelling the chemical aroma of the disinfectant will remind her of fingernail polish and she will remember that she has had Orange polish on since Halloween.

She will then decide that the counter will still be there in a few minutes and run to remove the old polish. She will even manage to paint ONE of her fingernails in a festive bright red.

The nail polish will remind her that she recently bought new glittery red nail polish at the grocery store.

She will abandon all hope of perfectly manicured nails and return to the kitchen to search through the as yet unpacked groceries.  She will find hamburger buns.

Hamburger buns will remind her that she also bought a package of hamburger.  She will hope that the hamburger got unpacked and refrigerated (unlike the cheese which spent 36 hours in the car last week).

She will realize that it is high time to find the beef.  "Where's the Beef?" This will remind her of a commercial back in the dark ages (when she grew up) that wasn't as funny as everyone thought.

This will remind her of the blog she used to write on a regular basis.

She will mentally commit to NOT let another month slip by without writing.  This will cause much internal debate about what to write about and what to omit.  In the end she will decide that it's all water under the bridge.

Bridges remind her of the Tower Bridge which she saw on a trip, but she will quickly remind herself that she is NOT going to rehash the past.

Tapping her nails on the counter she will notice the one bright red nail and decide to return to the bathroom to finish the job.

On the way down the hall she will notice the clock.  The clock will remind her that she has children who need to be picked up from buses/school/play practice soon...

...and She will wish she had a moment...





(for the record - the counter is still 1/3 clean - all 10 nails are now painted... even if it did take another 48 hours - and the beef was in the freezer)

etcetera, etcetera, etcetera...

forget California... I was out of songs with that state in the title anyway...

Suffice it to say that we spent a few more days there... took a few too many pictures...

served Chocolate Cake to the kids for breakfast before going on the teacups...

you know, all the typical things.

and since then we've been basking in the afterglow of the happiest place on earth - because of COURSE every moment in our lives is that much fun.

I mean - all 3 boys saw the dentist and NONE had cavities - chalking that up to "Disney Miracle"...

Especially given the things some of them eat! Maybe that was a Floride sucker?

The girls have managed to be to most of the soccer practices/games, softball practices/games, dance rehearsals/performances, choir rehearsals/performances - despite the fact that often (Tuesdays and Wednesdays) there are 5 things at one time - WITHOUT my brain exploding.  That's a Disney Miracle too.

Okay, maybe that's just a miracle.  Pretty sure Walt's got nothing to do with it.

We made it through both of the girls' birthdays baking only one cake for each... we won't mention how HUGE one of those cakes was... or at least we won't mention it until I can find the picture and blog about it... :) Suffice it to say that she is not like to get another cake that large until she's likes a boy enough to want to share a piece of freezer burned cake as an anniversary celebration.

and today, today we're grateful for small miracles - the laundry is getting folded before the pile toppled over crushing me beneath its sheer weight.  The REAL miracle in there is that any of the children had anything left to wear... well, at least it will get folded if I ever stop writing.

BUT WAIT - after much whining and complaining and the such from certain people I turned OFF the word verification in my comments - today it is officially being turned back on.  Whine and complain all you like, but the experiment failed...  after deleting multiple spam comments trying to advertise for less than wholesome websites I really can't stand it anymore.  Hopefully none of them got missed in the deletion process - certainly let me know if you see them because as much as I hated digging through and having to read their garbage - I don't want my lovely readers to have to see that as well!

California Dreamin...

So many of my childhood Disneyland Memories were trashed while on this trip - beginning with the submarine ride...

M enjoyed it immensely and could not get enough of Nemo... but I was still looking for that scantily clad mermaid that caused such an uproar back in the day...

Not sure with this one if they were enjoying Disney so much or they just wanted another picture...

probably the latter - and what's with my 7 year old flashing gang signs of unknown origin? Could somebody please remind her that she lives in Suburbia?  Good old suburbia... ahh, where everyone is almost as polite as the trash cans at Disney...

almost.

Couldn't resist one "Small World" photo...  even that has changed - the puppets look a little more real (read as "creepy")... but the song?  Pretty sure that is exactly the same.  Although the ducks quacking along in tune might have been a new addition.  but not one I highly approve of.

Oh wait, make that TWO "Small World" photos...  look, the boys were smiling, I think that means they liked it...

Wait, where's W?  Hey dude, why are you hanging your head over the edge of the boat? All these random strangers that got caught in my picture are going to think you're sea-sick... maybe we'd better save the Tea-Cups for another day!

 Proving that even ManOfTheHouse got into the Spirit! Adding his Tarzan yell to the treehouse ambience. (while I sulked in my childhood memory of the Swiss Family Robinson Treehouse...)

My girls were awesome - for three days we walked past all those character signings - kids and their parents waiting in ridiculous lines to meet some potential creeper dressed in a costume... my girls? M asked me once if I could just photo-shop her into a bunch of pictures with all the characters.  Assured that I could (notice I didn't say WOULD) we walked past as I snapped a picture of characters with random other youngsters.

This one though - Pluto walked right up to us - so H is not just a random youngster :)

 oh, also not random youngsters? These girls got to play Musical Chairs with the Mad Hatter and the White Rabbit...

H here was supposed to tell a joke when she got eliminated... she couldn't come up with one.

 M was one of the last two contestants - and since they added back in about 7 chairs they called it a tie...  meaning she didn't get to tell the joke she had in mind.

All of Disneyland should be glad because she was still dwelling on the $3 craps sign that she saw while driving through Vegas.

 The best part of her being one of the winners was the prize - They got to put away the chairs!  So proud of the big happy grin on my girl's face at this announcement - though I wish I'd gotten a picture of the monumental SCOWL on the other girl's face at the same moment...  hilarious!

Enough pictures for one day? Yeah - probably...  especially since this is the point of the trip where the bar came down on my camera during the Haunted Mansion ride and knocked the battery case open and knocked it to Manual...  which took me all day to realize so I got a bunch of over-exposed pictures...  blech - if you squint you might be able to see that the girls got to hang with Mater and that other Car...  yeah, yeah - you know, the star of the show... whatever - Mater is funnier :)

If you're sick of Disneyland come back in a few days - I'm sure that by then I will have moved on to pictures of the Air Show and Birthday celebrations.  At the rate I'm knocking these out you'll be hearing about my Spring Break until Thanksgiving! (and still not have spent as much time reading about it as I did in the line for Peter Pan...)

 

Hotel California... part one...

I spent some time going through the 500+ photos today - reducing them to the shots that I knew were winners... 

Eliminating about 59 of the "It's A Small World After All" pictures... even though I KNOW that's what everyone wanted to see... 

and I was left with 72.

Too many?

Yeah, I thought so too...

SO - you'll get them in small doses.

and maybe somewhere along the way I'll realize that you don't need to see EACH of the kids attempting to pull Excalibur from the Stone - just me.  Wait, I didn't do that did I?

I present to you - Day One.

Well, the last part of day one...  they frown on you taking pictures of your little girl in church who can barely sit still because she knows that we'll soon be leaving for Disneyland.

And pictures of the car trip?  Aside from the very blurred picture of a sign advertising "$3 Craps" in Las Vegas (which was BEYOND hilarious to a 7 year old) there just wasn't much to report.

First stop in California...

Okay Second stop... the first was in a small podunk town for gas and a potty break - but the "potty break" didn't happen thanks to the whiff we got of that bathroom. We have standards people.  And apparently really really strong bladders.

I present the Redondo Beach Pier...

and that's the Veggie Teen up close and personal with the local Pelican wildlife.

M knew to keep her distance, but really wanted to see that HUGE bird!

My kind of shop...

The sky was FILLED with cool kites - there was crazy wind - and this kite gave sweet M a little bit more reason to hold tight in the wind.

Awwww... You'd think that they liked each other... maybe this really IS the happiest place on earth?

The walk-ways all along had these cool fishy themed reliefs on them, M decided this was the only way she was getting to pet a dolphin. 

And then I realized that "petting the dolphin" actually meant "caressing the layers of Seagull droppings that are coating the ground"...

Ick - where's the hand sanitizer?

And thus we became familiar with beach bathrooms... better than Podunk town bathrooms...  a little.


Oh yeah - we went to Disneyland too... 

See :)

 Goal #1 of Disneyland - Use all of the different bathrooms within the park.

Yeah, didn't happen.

Goal #2 - Ride all the rides once.

Also, didn't happen.  Is there ever a week when all the rides are even OPEN?

Don't worry - I have a lot more "happy happy joy joy" pictures to share...  and maybe a few "snarky snarky boy boy" pictures... but those will have to wait - it was a VERY jam packed Spring Break and I'd like to milk the fun for all it's worth here at least... in person it went by WAY too quickly!


 

If you can't say nothin' nice... don't say nothin'...

Only it wasn't the "nice" that was giving me troubles.

well... maybe once.  But seriously - soccer coaches of 7 year old girls really should not be so competitive.

I was keeping a secret.  Now, at long last I can let the cat out of the bag...

not THAT secret!  Oh for crying out loud I'm already a mother of 5 wonderful kids - that can can stay in the bag.  Consider that bag knotted and tossed in the river.

Great, now there's going to be hate mail from PETA.

bring it on...  I do my part for animals by not owning any... trust me, it's for the best.

...

Oh, yeah - the secret...

*cue the music*

We're goin' to Disneyyyylaaand...

did you sing that too?

No?  Well get back up there and try again because you are obviously need a little pick me up.

As I write this my kids have no idea...  none.  We're telling them tomorrow.  Packing should be fun - I mean, isn't that the best part of the trip???

A little prayer of thanks that I did 97% of the laundry in the house on Wednesday - because today?  Today the washing machine broke.  Yep...  I think last time we planned to go to Disneyland our washer broke too... only it managed to break BEFORE we purchased non-refundable tickets and so we enjoyed a lovely vacation at home scrounging for the last clean clothes until the new washing machine ("the happiest washing machine on earth") could be delivered.  Almost as much fun... and without the fear of some creeper dressed as a huge over sized stuffed animal coming up behind us.

Oh wait... we're excited about this really... I mean, I've already packed my Grumpy t-shirt and I'm wearing my Grumpy sun visor even though it's 11:30 at night.  Wait, it's daylight savings tonight so let's just call it 12:30am... which makes wearing a sun visor totally acceptable.

I'll take lots of pictures... lots and lots and lots... otherwise all the effort that went into finding color coordinated shirts for my kids will have been wasted.  I'll take and share so many pictures that you'll think you were there with us.  You may even experience a little nausea after the tea-cups... I know I will.  Okay, I won't photograph that.

So many pictures... just none today.

(and if you NEED to get in touch with me for some reason, well...  first, it had better be uber stinkin' important if you're going to cut into my Mickey time - and second... oh, there's no second... just message me on twitter... or text me if you're lucky enough to be one of the 17.6 people who have my number...

and trust me, you don't want to know about that 6/10ths of a person who keeps calling... she's right up there with the soccer coach on my "people who are causing me to re-evaluate my 'the meek shall inherit the earth' belief"

don't bother robbing my house - I'm taking all the good stuff with me...  leaving behind the busted washing machine and a big attack dog who hasn't been fed in weeks.

oh crap - I already mentioned my dislike of animals...  you might believe the "hasn't been fed in weeks" before you believe the "dog" part... and you'd be right...

Instead I'm leaving a lot of clutter right inside the front door... because being sued by my trespassers sounds like a lot of fun - and unfortunately, not as far fetched as you'd think.

Trash Can Archaeology...

When I was a kindergarten teacher (yes, WAY back then...) we used to have this fun unit where we read about Archaeology. 

I know I know... seems like an advanced topic for Kindergarten... and I'd defend it if I remembered WHY I did it... I  am sure it had something to do with a book we were writing - but the point is it was FUN! 

I got a few parents in the class to save their "clean" garbage for the week  (read as: no food, no diapers, no tissues...) - and at the end of the week we'd split into teams, go through the garbage and make guesses about what kind of people lived in the household.

it's a little scary what your trash tells about you.

My trash today?

Empty Cake Mix Boxes: 2, strawberry & yellow

eggshells: probably just enough for those cakes

Empty Kit Kat Wrappers: 25

Empty M&Ms bag: 1(but only because there were some left in the other bag)

Snips from the tops of colorful melting chocolate: 5 (because the first 3 bags were already open)

Nearly empty can of frosting: 1

Microwave Popcorn Bags (Empty of course): 12

Unpopped Popcorn Kernels: Too many to count

Crumpled Paper Towels, stained with a rainbow of colors: Lots

Empty Kool-Aid Packets: 6 - all different flavors/colors

Wrappers from new ice cube trays - 3, double packed...

Empty 2 liter bottles of Generic Lemon Lime Soda: 1... the other 3 got thrown away at church.

Pizza Boxes: 3

Wrappers from the really yummy white chocolate bite size candies that I ate for "energy": Too many.

You know what this says about our family???

Pull out your hidden archaeologist skills and let me know...

all I know is that to my kids it says I spend way too much time and effort on treats for my youth group girls and not enough time making a healthy meal for my family.

imagine the other pictures of colorful popcorn and rainbow drinks...

Tonight I promise there will be an empty bag of tossed salad...

And a few more wrappers from those little white chocolate candies... nom....

39.999 - and counting...

There's no hiding it...

Today is my birthday...

HOWEVER - since I wasn't born until 8:30 in the morning I am not yet 40... even though I am currently surrounded by decorations which profess otherwise.

that sign is actually in my house... the rest, not so much...

What does a balloon know?

Depending on how fast I can think/type/find a picture to fit the post this may actually get posted while I am still "30-something"

I can do it, my reflexes are still as sharp as ever.

The question of the day is? What do I have to show for my 39.999 years of life?

A pretty amazing husband who is 8 kinds of manly and who is taking me out to lunch... even though 40 won't quite get me a senior discount - he's just generous like that.

5 stunningly brilliant children - who in the next 3 days will have me running all over creation for plays, soccer, swimming, dance, bands, scouts, birthday parties (not mine), and church activities...

The conviction that there is no better way to spend my time than what I've just described.

A house that despite advances in technology does not clean itself.

and the bragging rights to helping a local store put together a 21,000 piece puzzle.  Well, technically it's a 24,000 piece puzzle - but we're not done yet... good thing "Huge Freakin' Puzzle" is on my bucket list and not on my "things to do by the time I'm 40" list.

It's probably too late to make on of those lists...

well, maybe not - let's put "write a hastily thought out blog post" and "shower" on the list and call it good.

1/2 way there!

Confessions of a Crappy Blogger

it's not that my life has been boring.

or busy.

really - it's been a laid back full of fun month... and if you knew all about it you'd be super jealous.

I could give you all the nitty gritty details - but in the interest of keeping my blog posts short and sweet (just like me?) you will just get to hear about what I'm NOT blogging about.


I won't  tell you how of all the houses in the country Santa (and part time school bus driver Phil) came to visit our house.

I won't blog about Christmas gifts... or house hunting (not for me)... or spending way too much time trying to beat my niece's score in A Christmas Bubble Shooter...

You also probably won't get to hear much about costume making, Sesquicentennial celebrations that included me covered in paint up to my elbows, or a particular prop piece that still only exists in my brain even though it needs to be done in a few days.

Dance Recitals, Orchestra Concerts, and Random Youth Activities that had me wearing two coats and a blanket will also be absent.

I won't even give you the skinny on my fitness class results or how I spent my winnings...  I wouldn't even tell you if I remember how that money was spent... or how much of the weight I lost I have managed to put back on during the festive season.

You don't even get to hear about how I will never shop at my local shoe store again thanks to a very rude manager... turns out their name is a lie and I pay a lot more than I expect...

So... what am I going to blog about?  Today my dear friends you get to see the thing that made me laugh the hardest all year...  well, maybe the second hardest... some of you have written some pretty funny blogs and tweets...

and maybe it's just the old lady in me that has obviously had a little too much pressure on my bladder when pregnant... but this seems like a BAD name for a business...

...just sayin'

Raising My Kids a little too Seriously...

You know you've done something right (wrong?) when your kids react seriously to one of your hilarious childhood stories...

Case in Point?  Well, Story in point I guess...

I used to work at a Theatre.  Not a theater - you see, a theater is a place where you pay too much to see a movie that has been polished to perfection (or imperfection) and wash it down with popcorn and soda... a Theatre is someplace where you pay 4 times as much for the ticket, starve until intermission then chug down your $3 water bottle, and have about a 50% chance that there will be an actor who is having an off day...

I was a higher class usher...

But one week I had sprained my ankle and could not handle taking patrons (yeah, at the theater you're just a customer... but Theatre has "patrons") to their seats.  My boss decided we'd do something a little different and sat me on a chair where I greeted each patron with a winning smile, tore off their ticket stub and then handed the ticket to the next in a line of about 4 ushers, introducing them with "and Shawn will take you to your seat..."  His name really was Shawn...  and all was going really well until I looked at the end of the line and realized that (although I had met her... and worked with her earlier that week) I had completely blanked on the new girl's name.  Completely.

Rather than admitting defeat I proceeded through the line... "and Tim here will now show you to your seats" (with the winning smile... always the winning smile!)

Shawn looked at me... glanced over his shoulder... looked at me again...

"Tim? their seats please..." (as I force the tickets into Shawn's hand)

and so on and so forth throughout the next 1/2 hour... making up different names each time... hoping I guess to eventually hit on the right name?

It was hi-freakin'-larious... and rather ingenious if I must say so myself.

And apparently - I do have to say so myself... because when I told the Veggie-Teen my story... he just looked at me with a blank stare and asked why on earth I didn't just own up and ask her name...

Yeah... right... that requires a certain maturity that even now I don't have.

Given the same situation - I'd do exactly the same thing today...

Except instead of starting with "Tim" - Shawn would have been called "Donatello"...

Stop the Presses!

I suppose that the words "Stop the Presses" shouldn't be used on a nearly defunct blog.

I'd make all sorts of excuses for why I was so busy - the holidays... blah blah blah blah blah...

Guess what I learned this weekend? 

Turns out that each and every one of us on this earth has the same number of hours in the day - so my lame excuses about not having enough time are just not going to sell.

Honesty? Well, in all seriousness - this stupid nutrition class/weight loss thing is the ONLY thing that's been occupying my thoughts and this is NOT a diet blog.  I do not want to write a diet blog... I can only assume that you don't want to read a diet blog...  so I just ended up not blogging.

Okay - so that's actually only half of what I did.  I also wasted a HUGE amount of time on pinterest.  If you are not familiar with pinterest it is a lovely little corner of the web where people like me "pin" all of the things from around the internet onto virtual corkboards so that I can someday look back and see all of the million things that I wish I had actually done. 

Seriously - I have a young friend who has her entire Pinterest wedding planned out down to the napkin rings.  I don't think she's dating anyone right now.

BUT - this is where the Stop The Presses comes in...

I.
Actually.
MADE something.

and not just the cinnamon roll pancakes.  although those are to. die. for.

While perusing Pinterest yesterday I saw a cute skirt made from fabric and an old pair of jeans...  it was cute so of COURSE it went straight onto my "Sewing, Yeah, like I do THAT" board (seriously, that's what I named it...  I like truth in advertising) and went about my life...

"Life" yesterday included taking my kids to the dollar store so that they could pick out some goodies to send off to some missionaries... we're nice like that... cheap, but nice...

As we entered the dollar store I notice that sweet H is tying her sweatshirt around her waist.  Since it is about negative 23786 degrees Kelvin right now I'm wondering why on earth she would do this... and wondering why on earth she is tying it on backward...  maybe she's just THAT proud of the BYU cougars? (hey, no college slamming around here people... take it outside!)

Turns out she'd been practicing the splits for her Hip-Hop class.

and there goes one more pair of jeans into the trash... but wait!

Yep - I have some fabric... I have a sewing machine... I have thread

and now? now I have a cute new skirt for my little girl!

At the expense of one needle...

Lest you think this is a one time thing - I also have a few other crafts that I made with my Young Women at church... at least one of which began its life on Pinterest :)

So now I need a new board: "Things I can actually vouch for"....

at least that one won't have 2356 items on it :)

How I REALLY feel about weight loss

Diets Suck.

Don't get all high and mighty telling me that the real answer is making a "lifestyle change" instead of "going on a diet"

First of all "lifestyle change" just brings to mind a Chaz Bono type of thing.  Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Who am I kidding...  really, I think there is something wrong with Chaz Bono... but it's not about his lifestyle choices.

The REAL problem is that when you say "lifestyle change" I know that's just a politically correct term for "permanent diet"

The only reason I can stomach eating broccoli florets for lunch is knowing that I don't have to do this forever.

and the first person to even suggest that I will eventually crave healthy foods such as little green mini-trees is getting virtual broccoli shoved deep into their virtual sinuses.

(hmmm... have I mentioned that diets suck... and they make me crabby?)

In a short 78 days I hit a milestone birthday.

Bonus points to anyone who is guessing 30...

and I'm staring daggers at anyone who is guessing 50...

it's 40 - and I know... that's probably ancient sounding to you... 

to be honest - I'm okay with turning 40... it's not freaking me out... much.

Ask again in 77 days.

I tell you this not to give you 78 days to shop for the perfect gift... (my favorite color is green) - but because the impending birthday has a lot to do with that four letter word "diet".

You see... turning 40 means that ManOfTheHouse is about to turn... well... older than 40...

Maybe even old enough to qualify as "Middle Aged"

And as well all know that means it's high time for a mid-life crisis.

A good mid-life crisis has a few required elements.

*We can't afford a shiny new red sports car. 
*ManOfTheHouse has enough self respect to know that he'd look ridiculous wearing spandex on a Harley
*that leaves us with the trophy wife...

You know, that hot young bombshell that seems to go for the salt and pepper guys... the one who is usually photographed draped across the red sports car in a skimpy bikini.

I'd say gold-digger... but let's be real...

I've decided to save us all a LOT of time, money & tears

I'm going to BE the new trophy wife.

which means about 6 more pounds in the next 78 days.  Totally do-able. (let's not mention the hair coloring, extensions, and botox I'd need to REALLY look like a trophy wife)

Perfect Solution right???  Yep, well, aside from the whole broccoli thing!

Photo Phriday... and my "treat bag" rant...

...guess what kind of a weekend that means WE'RE having?

 What? Did you say we're throwing a big fancy party?

Yeah, well, then you're wrong.

Instead this happens to be the weekend where ALL of my kids' friends seem to have birthday parties. Apparently my little girls are prejudiced against people with birthdays in any other month.

(not really... but it feels like that right now)

These gifts are for the parties that are happening this weekend starting tonight (a sleepover) and finishing tomorrow afternoon.

If H is lucky we will have time to rush home after the sleepover to allow for tooth brushing and something to eat besides popcorn before the second party begins.

If M is lucky she will be able to not have a complete come-apart waiting for her party to begin on Saturday afternoon.

If I am lucky ManOfTheHouse will offer to do all of the dropping off/picking up/making sure they remember to take the right gift back to the right girl...

If the boys are lucky none of them will require transportation anywhere during this stretch of time.

and if I am TRULY lucky?  then the world at large will realize what a monumental waste of money/annoyance to all parents those silly "treat bags" are. 

Seriously - and I've been guilty in the past - have you ever seen some of the junk in these bags...  little miniature coloring books that get filled up with one touch of a marker - bracelets that fall apart by the time the kid goes to sleep - lip gloss that is destined to ruin a load or two of laundry... you know, basically the same crap that was in the dentist's "treasure box" when I was a kid...  like that made up for having to endure 10 minutes with that flouride gel in your mouth.

NOTHING makes up for that horrendous stuff.  Just sayin'

I feel for party parents, really I do - treat bags seem to be expected these days... I have had kids ask me for them as they go to leave...  the best? The kid who was wearing the apron and chef's hat I'd made for each of the party guests and carrying the miniature cake they'd just decorated to take home... still wants a treat bag...  trust me, if I'd known that's all that was required for a party I would have skipped the hours of sewing and baking.

So hey, if it makes you feel better - and it WILL make the kids happier - throw a few dollars into your treat bags... but don't kid yourself that any parent on the planet is going to be happy with you when they step on that stupid plastic spinning top tomorrow morning.

Happy Belated Halloween

I'm so sick and tired of being governed by the calendar.

Just because the calendar said it was daylight savings time I had to battle with a house full of kids who didn't know which way was up.

and were "up" at 5 a.m.

Just because the calendar said it was nearing the end of the month I ran around like a chicken with my head cut off to meet some deadlines...

yes... for those of you who are wondering, visiting teaching WAS one of those deadlines.

for those of you who don't know what visiting teaching is... well, let's just assume that I got it done and let's not worry :)

The calendar tells me when I have to be at meetings, when I have to start shopping for some holiday (also dictated by a calendar) and when my kids should be at school/dance/scouts/play practice/band practice/etc...

I'm going to throw away the calendar.

Shh... I know that won't actually HELP anything - but I'm in a mood.

Well, guess what? HERE, here on my blog... I'm in charge and I say a big ol' "PAH" to the calendar. So today - just here on my blog - we're celebrating Halloween.

You can bring it back in your neighborhood too... just don't be surprised if you get some strange looks when you go trick-or-treating.

Sweet H... picked the most unconventional costume of the year...

the earrings

the headband

and the necklace...

 ...because every girl worth her salt will insist that an outfit isn't complete without a handbag and shoes...  which no, she didn't get those. 

Does that mean I let her go trick-or-treating half dressed?

Shame on me...

but frankly - have you SEEN the costumes these days?  A nurse costume used to be white clothes with a nurse's hat...

NOW?  a nurse costume looks like the kid is going to bring home a little more than candy after a night walking the streets...  if you know what I mean.

and bless your sweet little innocent heart if you don't know what I mean :)

I bet YOU don't dress up like a nurse on Halloween!



but wait... there's more...

No, I don't know what he was going for either... he was "Bob" of course...

Scary Little Vampire?

the thought of that future dental work scares me... Ch'ching!!!!

So Happy Halloween folks - hope it was good, hope you got all the Vanilla Tootsie Rolls your little heart desired, and hope that in the end you were happier than this:

bless the tooth-brush gifting neighbor's heart...

(and yes - the rest of us dressed up...  and no I didn't purposely avoid the camera all day while dressed up like Donald Duck... it just so happens that nobody took a picture of me... probably...)