days of ease and comfort...

the oldest boys spent the better part of the week at Scout Camp... when I first wrote this on the calendar I was looking forward to it... looking forward to Po not having anyone to fight with... looking forward to not have to BEG certain children to join us for morning prayer... looking forward to only having to cook for 3 picky eaters instead of 5.

It seemed like a great plan!

and then... the reality hit. I had to get the tired rotated. If the oldest boys were here it would be simple:

"Hey eldest child - gotta run an errand, I'll be back in an hour - call if there's an issue" and I'm OUTTA THERE!

without them here?

"hmmm... let's see... #3 can hang with his friend... #4 and #5 will have to come along. Did you know that the tire place is REALLY stinky? and also not so good for the developing latex allergy... so we walked over to Sonic Drive In... luckily you don't have to be in a car to order... of course, having to take our time turned out to be a good thing because otherwise we might have been 67 blocks away before realizing that #4's "kids grilled cheese meal" was minus a grilled cheese sandwich. Twisty straw, check... Banana (really), check... Drink, check... Sandwich?

I chose Sonic over Red Robin because I could see the garage from our table... and as soon as they took the car down we began to walk back... of course then we had a few more errands to run... so I was reminded pretty quickly that shopping WITH children is much more time consuming, expensive, and frustrating than shopping alone.

So boys - hope Scout Camp was fun... glad that it doesn't last longer!

I wanna be an Avatar...

Some mornings I wake up and look in the mirror... I see a few wrinkles, the same old eyes, the hair that I would cut weekly if I could be assured that it would grow back quickly (remember that cut 'n style Barbie thing? - that's what I want my own to be like)... I have debated the merits of colored contacts because as much as I love my brown eyes - change is fun right?

I like myself - I really do. If I weren't me I'd want to hang out with me... If I weren't me to the tune of being a guy not me I would SO want to date myself. See, I'm self obsessed even - so this isn't a lack of self esteem thing, it would just be SO CONVENIENT!

If I were a HUGE game player (which I am not... really) I would know all that stuff about creating a cool avatar - according to makeuseof.com it is very important to have a "stylish avatar"

Well the fact is... I kind of wish I were an avatar... want a tan? click here. New clothes? bing! what? weight issues - begone! Want your eyes to be a different shape? there are 59 to choose from! and eye color? okay - let's see... brown, green, blue, hazel... okay - they have 24 to choose from, maybe they're not so concerned with reality.

Did I just say Reality? of COURSE they're not concerned with reality! Because in reality I can't just try on 80 hair styles in 24 colors to see what I want to look like today. Of course, if I could... I probably would. True story - I'm just like that! I would tell you how many hair colors I experimented with in the HS days... but my kids sometimes read this :)



in just SECONDS, I could be ANY of those people... maybe...

F.Y.I. - in the amount of time I wasted trying to find a site where I could create an avatar (free was crucial) and actually be able to keep it to post... I could have gotten ready for a grand ball... of course, I couldn't have grown my hair out and changed my eye color...

with nods of acknowledgement to planetcreation.co.uk - even though I couldn't save my pouty looking girl with the 3-D glasses, zwinky.com - even though they don't like Macs, a bunch of others that didn't seem to work... sorry, for now you're stuck with Audrey :)

so, what gives anyway?

My oldest got his braces off. He looks kind of strange to me...

and not just because this is so super close up - it's kind of weird to see him minus all that metal and signature green bands...
and before I got a chance to get used to the "look" he headed off to scout camp. I guess it will be awhile before we find out if he's MORE of a hottie now that he's got straight teeth? Remember the hussies at Lagoon who stalked my boy (who is ONLY 14)... at least I scared them off...

Last weekend we rented the wave-runners and spent some time at the local reservoir. The parents and older kids took those things up to top speed on the choppy waters and the kids... dug in the dirt...

but that IS some pretty cool digging they did! (for the record, I told my kids not to bring the garden shovel - they did anyway - little boogers... but it was fine in the end...)

While doing all this beachy fun - A few girls came up to me and asked for my sons' phone number... seriously. Is that bold? and no... I didn't give it to them... ummm, when I was that age I would have DIED before telling some boy's mom that I thought he was hot... ugh, what is the world coming to? (but for the record, I knew this family... good people, seriously... give me a few more years and you're more than welcome to call the boy... even if he does look a little weird to me...)

Aside from that, we had lots of fun... as long as you don't count the fact that the wind picked up and we were constantly pelted with little pieces of sand biting into our skin... ruining my contacts... making all the food a little gritty (is that good for digestion?)... and especially getting into H's bandages.

Oh yeah - suppose I should mention that H gave us another parental first last week - I was driving the 14 year old T home from a party lecturing him about how his actions (not calling home) affect the whole family... when the phone rang and Q lets me know that H has cut herself pretty badly (on a bed frame in the guest room) and we decided to meet at the hospital.

Did you know that they won't reserve a spot in line for someone who hasn't actually GOTTEN to the emergency room yet? Apparently they actually have to do the whole triage thing... blah, blah, blah... don't they know that we neurotic parents aren't ALL crazy?


Do yourself a favor and don't imagine that uncovered and gapping an inch wide... really. Here, this is plenty gross enough - she wouldn't let me get a pic of the injury prior to stitches... and I can't say as I'm real upset about it!


Anyway - after 6 stitches (including one ironically called the "mattress stitch") we were told we could go. Of course, it then took a few more minutes while I made sure I was in drivable condition. You see, I fell apart a little when Q first called - then pulled it together quite nicely when H arrived, while we waited in the waiting room, throughout the triage process, during the next waiting room phase, and sat with her laying in my lap through the whole irrigation/numbing/stitching process offering words of love and encouragement. (wondering all the while how my GIRL ends up with the only broken bone AND the only stitches in the family...)

I was a perfect mom. and then... they said we could go.

I didn't puke. I didn't pass out. Really. but I WANTED to do both of those things. Apparently I looked pretty bad because the guy (nurse/aide/whatever) offered ME cookies and juice... and handed my son a barf bag "just in case".

Haha - yeah, hilarious - laugh at my expense, it's fine... adrenaline makes me woozy, what can I say?

and then, in addition to all of this fun and floozy avoidance - I got a job offer. I've been a full time SAHM mom for... ummm... (Po, how old are you?) okay - almost 10 years. I wasn't looking for a job, really. and then BAM! I got approached by a friend/neighbor/pretty awesome chick who has a job that just might be ideal...

almost all of the hours are school hours - I'd actually be AT the schools some of the time - and those that aren't school hours I'd actually be able to take some of the kids with me for some of them, letting them participate in a pretty cool media literacy class... It'd be flexible enough that I could be there for M when needed, although it would be an adjustment for us all...

I've debated back and forth, and forth and back - and back some more... and forth once again... I've made it a matter of prayer - of fasting and prayer - and although I was "this close" to calling and saying "thanks but no thanks" at one point... it didn't feel right... Q and I discussed it again yesterday and had both had the same thought... so I'm giving it a go. I'm a working mom (well, I will be come August) and will give it a trial run... we'll see how it fares with the family and go from there... because unlike Jon and Kate, my kids REALLY do have to come first!

What else... I'll assume you don't want to hear about my new recipe binder? How about my new pedometer that I'm happy with when it's inaccurate by over counting but which I want to stomp into the ground when I realize I've just walked over 3 miles and it has only credited me with half that? The shopping trip for Q's new suit and the shirt I purchased on same trip that makes me look 3 months pregnant? How about the fact that kids tend to obey signs as written regardless of what they KNOW should be done?
And the fun that the kids had swimming in the pool, visiting with, and having a yummy dinner at Paula's with their grandparents?

I can't complain really - I've been a parent for over 14 years and this was the first time I took any of my kids for stitches... I've been bragging that it's the first ER visit all week but JUST remembered the time when Q had to run T-boy in for an asthma attack in the middle of the night... oh yeah... I guess we're not quite living THAT perfectly after all...

more library wisdom...

it's amazing what tidbits of wonder can be crammed into a two page newsletter stapled together by librarians!

Since we spent the weekend praising the husbands and putting them up on pedestals - if you're like me it's about time that the pedestal was stored back in the garage... but it will probably sit there for another week until I can convince M.O.T.H. to haul it out of here...

while it's still out, and before we forget WHY we were being all sweet and lovey dovey in the first place - let me present the library's version of...

Man Rules

#1 - Men are NOT mind readers.

#1 - Sunday sports - it's like the full moon or the changing of tides... let it be.

#1 - Crying is blackmail.

#1 - Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one. Subtle hints do not work! Just say it!

#1 - "Yes" and "No" are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

#1 - If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant it the other way.

#1 - Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

#1 - Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

#1 - Men see in only 16 colors. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what "mauve" is.

#1 - Anything we said six months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after seven days.

#1 - When we go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... really!

I think if I can keep these in mind M.O.T.H. and I should be getting along fine indefinitely :) I might mention however in regards to #1 (the second one) that I'm thrilled that my Sundays rarely involve sports!



and... as a final word of wisdom - from Garry Shandling... "They should put expiration dates on clothes so we men will know when they go out of style."

(and yes... for those of you who know how crazy our life has been lately - I will EVENTUALLY get around to blogging about something besides the library newsletter... eventually!)

the library is a place of learning... bizarre things...

In honor of Fathers' Day - the "library lane" (their monthly newsletter) has the following info to share:

Men are Just Happier People
What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can never be pregnant. Car mechanics tell you the truth. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too "icky". You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000 - Tux rental $100. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes--one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
No WONDER men are happier!

okay, so not ALL of that applies to my man...

but Happy Father's day to M.O.T.H. - and all of those other men out there who work themselves ragged to support their families even though their kids usually save the majority of the hugs and kisses for Mom... thanks for all you do, for all you are, and for all you give!

Career Planning

no, not my OWN career  - I'll save that post for when I have put more thought into it...

I'm talking how we guide our children in their career choices.

P planned on "pirate" as a career plan until he was 6... at which point he decided that was too much work (and he couldn't swim) so he switched to being a robber.  His kindergarten teacher tried to convince him that he meant policeman... so I think now he's planning on being a corrupt cop.  (I'm getting worried about this one)

When H was younger she wanted to be a mermaid... she's a little more practical now and is thinking artist.

Just 2 years ago M was sure that she wanted to be Zoe - and now she wants to be a doctor.

Of course, that was the year I was teaching preschool and one of the little boys told me he wanted to be a "pumper truck driver"... I of course didn't know what a pumper truck driver is so he proceeded to explain (with great enthusiasm) how these lucky guys get to drive around emptying the contents of the port-o-lets... and he was totally SERIOUS about this career path! A few weeks later I got to see for myself a pumper truck driver in action - thank you          "Dirty Jobs"

(seriously, I can barely contain my heaves WATCHING that show...)

on my morning walk yesterday there was much discussion between S and I about our children - both of our eldest children (14 and 13) are thinking toward something in the medical field.  When I was 13 I was thinking how cute that boy in math class was.  Why do they push so hard in school for them to choose something now?  Did ANYONE know back then what they were going to do?  And are we being bad parents to push them toward well paying fields instead of... well... pumper truck drivers?

Went swimming with my family last night.  Swimming with children between the ages of 5 and 14 is interesting - as I like to keep an eye on all of them, but I am required to spend the majority of my time in the shallow end entertaining M.  Lots of other adults are there doing the same thing so it's always interesting to people watch.  One man was entertaining his two toddlers (who were LOVING it) by laying there pretending to be dead while they pulled him through the water.  I wondered for awhile what he was thinking - but then I realized:  He's training them for a career with greenpeace - they will be singularly qualified to save the whales. 

(note - the man WAS overweight - but not huge...  but he was a great dad, because those were the happiest kids at the entire pool!)

really - this is tough for me...

I'm not addicted to give-aways - really, I'm not...  but I do love a good one.

what I don't like - and  usually won't do... well, because it reduces MY odds of winning - is tell you all about a giveaway...

but this one is a good one...  really.

Run right over there - check out the stuff...  it takes a few minutes to enter (because you've gotta keep visiting ETSY pages) but if I win I won't care about that anymore!

So go... go now!

oh, you wanted an address too?  silly me :)

go HERE

and while you're there - be sure to scroll down and check out her aspiring masks... especially if you're a certain somebody who I talk to daily that has shared my recent skin issues!!!  I might try this!

RenFest

so... awhile back we were given some tickets to a local Renaissance Festival...  

Don't get me wrong - I don't automatically think "geek" when I think of a RenFest...  I mean - my younger sister loves these things...  oh, wait... 

so, given the fact that the tickets were Free (my favorite price) this sounded like an okay way to kill some time... even though it was so windy that it was miserable to walk around to the outdoor booths and they had to turn the Jousting Tournament into a fairly lame display of guys on horses chopping cabbages...

There were a few "up" moments - where else could M.O.T.H. get a huge Turkey Leg?

(doesn't that make you want to sing "He-nery the eighth I am I am..."?)

And if you're in the market for the latest in Wench Wear... this is the place to be!

And my all time favorite?  I love the cute little signage that has been created just for this event...  we weren't at a Fair - we were at a Faire...  we weren't paying through the nose for Sodas - they were Sodaes (seriously?  yeah, I didn't quite get that one either)...  and the bathrooms?

Next time - maybe I'll see if my sister wants to come along, because THAT might be fun... as long as we don't bring any kids :)

okay - so I've been a liar this whole post - actually the whole event was billed as a Medieval Faire... but I had to employ a little Literary License in order to tell you that if we're ever invited to another of these... my kids plan to Ren Fest in the other direction.

Trust me, that's Hilarious if you say it like Scotty from Star Trek... really.

little stressy moments...

last month we got a phone call... from the stake presidency...

for those of you who don't speak the LDS lingo that translates into getting a phone call from the guys who may or may not be giving you a church assignment that may or may not freak you out!

My (least) favorite part?   When they call they always set up an appointment with the couple...  not indicating which of us should be holding our breaths and/or praying like crazy.

ManOfTheHouse has been serving as EQ president (that's the guy who helps people move - among other things - for those of you who are lost...) for awhile now... so we had lots of options running around our heads...

And why is it that there's always DAYS between the phone call and the meeting?  I could have handled hours, minutes would have worked for me even!  

Long story short?  I'm relaxing now... no big changes for me...  

well, except that I REALLY have to stop making jokes about the "Dry Council"  :)

(and just so you know - I had to promise the Stake President that I'd wait to blog about this... but it's official now so I'm safe!)

a week at a glance - a.k.a. The reason I haven't been blogging my brains out.

We started our week long vacation by taking a leisurely stroll...  "stroll" meaning of course a hike up to Timpanogos Cave that reminded me of walking up my hill.... 30 times.

The cave was cool (freezing)- our guide didn't give the kids any of the Lore though - it was all scientific geology stuff... and the kids listened... but only because he was describing "cave bacon" "cave popcorn" the "chocolate falls" and "caramel falls"... "soda straws"...  Either the people who named the features in the cave were ravenously hungry or really wanted to torture my kids!

After that lovely hike - and a quick lunch with Grandma and Grandpa at BYU - we walked over the the Museum of Art on Campus - where there is an incredible display of artwork by Walter Wick - you know the guy... did all the sets and photography for the ISpy books, some stuff for Games Magazine (yep, I'm a Game Geek) and some other photography that's just cool.

I got "talked" to by a security guard for taking this photo...  but it was the one that kept the kids' interest for 10 minutes while they got from A to Z...

Tuesday - took it a little easier and drove out to Roosevelt to visit one of Q's brothers and his family - the picture being of the youngest... that cookie stayed in his mouth for a LONG time only to be replaced by the pacifier...  this was a good thing because he was a genius child at finding many other things on the ground to entertain himself....  and gross out the rest of us!

Wednesday - started the day at the Discovery Gateway Children's Museum...  I love these places - and so did the kids (well, once the older ones got over the "children" part of the title)... the favorite thing - these MagFormers toys...  of course the price on them in the gift shop convinced me that we'd enjoyed them sufficiently for our lives :)

For Lunch we stayed at the Gateway where M ate a piece of pizza the size of her head!

and then off to the Planetarium, where among other things (like a lovely show about black holes...  and learning the word "spaghettification") the kids got to pretend they were walking on the moon and on Mars... ummm... sideways?  (sorry about the neck strain - I DID flip these first, I thought!)

Thursday:  M.O.T.H. took the T and W on a manly hike (what, Timp Cave wasn't enough for you?) leaving the rest of us to entertain ourselves... Of course P wanted to go with them, but not because he loves hiking... they had some great trail snacks :)

whilst the big boys were hiking I took P, H, & M for a visit with one of my oldest and dearest friends... whose children are thankfully very near in age to my own - thus the kids didn't complain!  She lives in one of the most beautiful places on earth - check out that view!

Thursday - after the hike 

and visit - we had to satisfy a few "lifelong dreams" and take the kids to Chuck E Cheese...  thankfully none wanted their cardboard pizza and we got out of there for the cost of tokens alone... with some lovely prizes to boot!  And look, even the big guys got into the gaming!

Honestly - I DID flip the photos on my computer...  deal.  This was the one thing at the Zoo we'd never seen before.  Friday was officially zoo day and we enjoyed it fully... well, until the kids started to complain (about 30 minutes after the bird show finished) and it started to rain... but we only missed the ground hogs and such, so we'll get over it.

Saturday - Lagoon!  Since I'd only been once in my life I enjoyed quite a few rides with the kids - although I'm thinking that someday Q&I ought to go without the kids... since "adventurous" is not a word I'd apply to any of my kids... well, maybe M - but she was too short to do the cool rides :)

The girls enjoyed their Slushie type of food... even though a nasty spider was overhead - did they not notice?

Phew!  Now I'm exhausted all over again!

ex-haus-ted

Home.

Yep, that means that nobody can take advantage of my absence to steal the piles of scrapbook paper and fabric.  

And tomorrow - like it or not, I'm going to tell everyone all about everything that happened on the vacay... especially that little bit about the 4 girls in daisy dukes who thought my 14 year old son was H O T ...  because that didn't drive me buggy at ALL...  especially when they were bragging to each other about how they each were able to change into aforementioned short shorts without their parents knowledge...  yipes!

Don't worry, I stared them down and none of them dared approach my son to be his "friend" (I'm assuming they were talking facebook lingo at this point?)

I'm going to bed soon... and thanking my lucky stars that I am not a teenager anymore!

Leave a message at the beep...

You have reached my blog, thanks for stopping by - I'm sorry I can't come to the computer right now but there has been a family emergency.

"emergency" being that if our family didn't get out of town soon we'd be likely to hurt one another.

I'd love to hear from you, so leave a message at the beep and I'll get back to you when life resumes.

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