We are Living in a Material World

and I am a Material Girl!

Seriously - I love shopping for fabric...

I touch it - match it - drape it - and imagine it sewn into perfect household accents and cute outfits for the girls.  (I was long ago banned from sewing for the boys)

But do I sew with it?

Not so much...

My Grandmother years ago started the local chapter of the "She Who Dies With The Most Fabric Wins Club" 

- my Mother is the vice president - and I was inducted as soon as I got enough room to store a few boxes of my own fabric.  ManOfTheHouse would love me to renounce my membership... and I try - I donate some to the local Young Women's projects... a neighbor... or even the middle school... but then Mom or Grandma will donate some of their spare to my efforts and my shelves are full once again...

But Wait!  Before you think that I haven't sewn ANYTHING at all this year - I present evidence:

I threw together seat back covers (2 minutes each... not counting lettering - not exactly rocket science) for our church primary.  The sad thing is that my shelves look just as crowded as ever...  wasn't this supposed to deplete my stash somewhat?  

and for the record - I actually DID write the above post BEFORE April pooh-poohed my new scrapbook stash... actually before I got the new scrapbook stash...  but she did remind me of this so I went in to schedule it finally :)

Deal of the Century!

I was sitting at my computer at 2:00 on Tuesday when I realized I hadn't checked my e-mail in... what... 4 hours?  Not that I'm some obsessive e-mail freak - but I do love to see all the comments flying into my inbox :)

Instead of comments (okay, maybe there were one or two) I find an e-mail from my monthly scrapbook club - they make really amazing stuff and even though I've been in a scrapbook funk lately I keep collecting their kits because once I get a few pictures printed (I have over 2000 to choose from) I am going to GO TO TOWN on the scrapbooking!!!!

The e-mail invited me to a warehouse clearance... and much as I would have liked to hop in the car and drive the 45 minutes (plus 5 for filling my car with gas) to their warehouse - I had to wait for Wednesday morning.

The entire drive consisted of me worrying...  what if they have NOTHING left?  what if I am using up a quarter tank of gas for no reason?  maybe I should have brought the kids along so that I could have justified the trip by taking them to a cool park?  

No worries - I got there and was AMAZED at the amount of papers/stickers/cut-outs they had left...  Boxes and Boxes and Boxes of it...  See...

the best part is that nobody really thought me odd to ask others to take pictures of me digging through the boxes...  kindred blogging spirits are often found in scrapbook warehouses!  I grabbed a few of those empty boxes for my own use...
and crammed two of them FULL!  Some of those nice ladies were moving from box to box checking out the wares...  taking one or maybe two of something they could use... Not me - I know I have lots of Scrapbook friends, and I was going to SHARE!  I went from box to box grabbing handfuls... between 3 and 15 of each item...

Once I got this all home I just had to channel my inner Brian Regan and see how much I'd hauled out of there...  

Then I grabbed a few bags - broke up the haul into 8 parts and drove around a few "happy paper day" deliveries...  it was time consuming and gave me more than a few paper cuts... but fully FUN!

The BEST part?  are you ready for the total price tag on 71.8 pounds of enjoyment?

really, you're going to want to sit down...

because it was all...

FREE FREE FREE FREE FREE

I didn't pay a penny...  They just wanted to clear out their warehouse and so I scored!  I am SO in the mood for a scrapbook night!  Oh wait, I still need to get pictures printed... but soon!

So, because I love their stuff and because I walked out with HUNDREDS of dollars worth of their beautiful supplies - I'm giving an official shout out to The StoryTellers Club!!!!  I can't guarantee that signing up will get you 71.8 pounds of fun, but their stuff is pretty awesome!  (but if you sign up - use my name as a referral - although you may have to e-mail me for my REAL name if you're not already "in the know")

a walking infomercial

My daughter "M" has some Billy Mays (for oxiclean) in her blood.  On M.O.T.H.'s side... he was such a George Foreman Grill fan that we gave one to EVERYONE in the family when they got married... we've had to upgrade to the family sized GF Grill as our children have gotten older - but we wouldn't know how to live without that thing.

To tell this story I have to admit that I'm one of those Moms that the American Society of People Who Think You Don't Have Any Functional Brain Cells warns you about...  yep, my daughter watches television...  infomercials even.

She recently saw the infomercial for the EZ Comb...

and 2 days later we were on our way to Target - backseat (one-sided) conversation went something like this  "Mom maybe they have the EZ Comb, can we get an EZ Comb because those other things hurt your head but you can sleep in the EZ Comb and you can make a butterfly with the EZ Comb and a twist with the EZ Comb and it's good for long hair and short hair and the EZ comb comes in black and brown and silver.  Can we get one?"

my response:  "We'll see"

All parents know that "we'll see" is mom code for "I really hope that you'll forget about this in the next few minutes because I SO don't want to deal with it at all"

She didn't forget, but Target doesn't sell the EZ Comb...  we're off the hook.

Until we went to Wally-World a few days later.

"Mom - is the EZ Comb HERE? - it's good for short hair and long hair and I can sleep in it, etc... etc... complete with quotes from the infomercial and LOTS of EZ Comb propaganda"

"we'll see"

No EZ Comb here either - whoo-hoo

but then... Grandma's in town and we had reason to go to Bed, Bath and Beyond.  They had the EZ Comb...

and I caved!

and you know what - it IS good for long hair and short hair.   You CAN sleep in it (but I wouldn't recommend it - she didn't wake up happy).  It DOES make a really cool fountain twist with the butterfly EZ Comb.  The EZ Comb Ponytail even works even though I scoffed at the very idea.  Of course, the only picture is of the silver EZ Comb (her fave) doing nothing more than pulling back the sides of her hair...

AND  it's like an instant facelift...  which means it's also an instant headache.  When somebody pulled my hair as a child I cried... and now I pay good money to have a device that pulls my hair permanently?  I have a personal 2 hour limit to wearing that thing...  M lasts a little longer - she made it through church the first Sunday.  Although "through" might not be the right word because the hairdo had to be re-done during the first hour (her thin hair doesn't stay in there so well when she's crawling on the floor) and again the second hour (the thin hair also tries to escape when the kid next to you is messing with your head).  The next Sunday we learned our lesson and put a regular ponytail in BEFORE adding the EZ Comb...  MUCH better!

Hmmm... I'm thinking I need an endorsement check - at .25 for each time I wrote EZ Comb - multiplied by whoever reads this...  well, O.K. - we're still a long way from EZ street...

an uphill battle

That's the view I see every morning when I begin the walk to school... well, sometimes there are more trash cans, sometimes fewer... 

and by "every morning" I mean of course the mornings that I can't come up with a REALLY good excuse.  Past good excuses have included hair not being done in time, needing to bring along a science project, knee pain, and just not wanting to do it.  

That hill has been the bane of my existence.  seriously.  If you can't tell from the picture the next door neighbor's house is a full story higher than my house.  The next house up has its basement at the same level as my roof.  I would try and impress you by telling you about the steep "grade" of the hill... but I don't know what the percentage is, and wouldn't really understand it even if someone told me the number... let's just say it's so  unbelievably steep that I'm sucking air by the time I get 3 houses up the street!  That's where I meet my neighbor S who never laughs at me for needing a break so close to home.  The rest of the walk (about 2 miles total) is reasonably flat and doesn't bother me... 

So today is the LAST Day of School - the LAST time I have to tackle this hill and I happily wheeze and turn purple knowing that from this day forward walking up the hill will be a "personal fitness choice" and not a "get the kids to school so push the stroller faster"  -  unfortunately as soon as I get to the middle of the hill (3 houses away) and I'm feeling the burn... I see the trash truck at the top of the hill...  It NEVER comes this early.  

I turn around slowly saying a short and well intentioned prayer of "please please PLEASE let ManOfTheHouse have remembered to put out the trash cans this morning"...  

not all prayers are answered.

So, I sprint down the hill, grab the cans and put them on the curb - then proceed to trudge BACK up the hill...  calves burning, lungs burning, feeling like it's WAY past time to put our house on the market and buy something on a flat boring street.

I made it - I didn't die... but I wasn't so sure...

The worst part?

When I came home - the trash man hadn't made it to my house yet.   

Why home-schooling is not for me...

Don't get me wrong - I think home-schooling is a super idea.  I really do.  I have nothing but respect for those moms who put SO much effort into ensuring that their children get an individualized education.  I wish I could do it...  every once in awhile I think I'm going to do it... and then Sunday rolls around.

My daughter "H" is in my Primary class...  I've managed to teach almost all of my children in various church classes/scouts/preschool at one point or another and I have to wonder WHY ON EARTH other people tell me that my kids are such a joy in their classes.

are they all lying to me?  Are they delusional?  Do they find Joy in being told "No" every time they're asked to participate and find Joy in being told "we already know this, this is boring"

I actually threatened last week to send her to her father.  I use that threat a lot with a few other little angels in my class, but this is the first time I had to use it on one of my OWN...  

I've got ManOfTheHouse on board this week - there will be a "secret" agreement between H and M.O.T.H. - to see if a little bribe/reward will be of use in getting her to sit in her seat without installing magnets in the back of her skirt.  Maybe we'll even get her to agree to saying a prayer?  

Really - I'm glad that my kids are well-behaved for other people...  I'm thrilled that they don't pull this "attitude" on everyone they come in contact with - I just wish I knew WHY they don't save just an ounce of their good behavior for their own parents????

Is this typical?  Do you home-schooling Moms have this same problem?  Are your children just naturally perfect or have you just disciplined it out of them?  I know - the answer is that you're just infinitely more patient than I am...

I'm afraid I used up a lot of my patience teaching preschool and kindergarten for all those years - maybe there just isn't enough left for my own kids?  

I've set some in reserve for the teenage years - don't worry!

Shouldn't we all be dead by now?

I make my children eat whole grains...  wheat bread, brown rice, multi-grain pastas, even those goldfishy crackers come in a whole grain variety...  took forever to convince them that it was okay to eat bread that looked like its main ingredient was birdseed... but it worked!  I did this because I love my children and of course what mother would feed her child simple carbs?  ummm... millions of them.  that's right - it has nothing to do with love people... so I break down now and then (yesterday) and let the girl have her mac 'n cheese made with REGULAR pasta...  the kind in a box that miraculously turns orange powder into cheese again!  And although the REAL reason we switched to whole grains was because I needed some moral support - I ate some too... (comfort food?  I don't know... I just caved)

I'm amazed sometimes that any of us ever made it to adulthood.

Raise your hands if (like me) you were allowed to ride in the back of the family van without your seatbelt on...  we  used to "surf" and try to stay on our feet while my dad turned corners when the seats were taken out... or we'd lay on the floor and peek through the little hole at the road rushing by below, hoping for a glimpse of...  ummm, I don't know - never saw anything but black asphalt.

okay, so we were definite INSIDE the car - Dad wouldn't have allowed this!

Now raise your hands if you'd consider allowing your child to do the same thing...  I mean, for crying out loud now my children have to stay in booster seats until they're 8 years old!   (I know, or  80 pounds...  with my lightweight children my biggest fear is that they'll change the law to say AND 80 pounds)  In some states I myself barely make the height requirement for leaving a booster seat.  Go ahead, laugh yourself silly at my expense... I don't mind.  Seriously, call up your grandparents/parents/and ask them what kind of "car seat" they sat in...  and don't be surprised if the word "apple crate" comes into the conversation.

I'm disgusted at things like $700 strollers, baby knee pads, etc...  because the advertising all implies that if we have a lesser brand we obviously don't love our kids enough... and anyone who allows their child to learn to crawl without wearing those stupid knee pads should be thrown in jail for abuse...  

I had a good laugh recently at the fresh fruit wash...  mostly because my mother and grandmother scoffed at it - I grew up eating fresh fruit straight from grandma's garden... probably ingested my fair share of dirt, and maybe more than my fair share of little bugs in the process... but I lived.  Does that mean that my parents (and their parents before them) didn't love their kids enough?  Does that mean that I don't care about my children's health because I settle for a quick water rinse?  

So be it.  Sorry kids - I only love you to the tune of $20 strollers, generic diapers, and water... BUT at least I'll make you sit in that danged car-seat for the next few years...  as "proof" of being a good mom!

(and yes - this is my offical 200th post... I'm not going to get very celebratory over it...  but you're welcome to flood my comment box with love and adoration from all corners of the globe... just saying)

Rambling...

I really have nothing to write about...

Really - I'm not exaggerating - there's Zilch going on in my head right now.  

Shoot, I think I put water on to boil for M's mac 'n cheese...  I should check on that!

Okay - we're good.

There's plenty going on in my LIFE, but in my head... nada.  I'm ignoring all emotional attachments right now - the end of the school year is fast approaching and because we're moving to a different school next year there's some drama to it all...  but I don't want to think about it...  don't want to get into the issues at all because it's SO much EASIER to just leave.  

Baseball's almost over, which means no more worries about treats, consoling the kid when his team loses AGAIN, and making a b'zillion phone calls to get all the parents on the same page.  The last games are this week and actually conflict with other plans...  how will this work out?  Don't know... but it will right - I mean, ten years from now I won't care about the conflict - so why fret now?

Summer will be here soon... I usually worry about plans, field trips, lessons, etc... until I'm blue in the face.  Blue's not a good look for me, so I'm not going to stress about it this year.

Preschool graduation (one of the baseball conflicts) means that my little girl will be going to kindergarten in the fall...  I'm supposed to be mourning the loss of my "baby"...  but I'm not...  I mean, I think I'm not... maybe I'm in denial?  maybe I'm just too detached from emotions?

My parents were here last weekend.  It was nice to see them - but I let the housework go and now have a LOT to do to catch up...  and I'm sure that my husband would love it if I'd make a nice dinner for a change...  (which we'll eat after baseball, right?)  and maybe I'll get around to that, because that actually sounds like something I CAN do... because there's no "thinking" attached to the laundry, dishes, or vacuuming.

I don't like stress...  it causes weight gain and zits - both of which I'm having LOTS of fun with currently.  So I'm just not going to stress about things.  I'll still DO things, I'm just not going to stress about them.

Like blogging - I should worry about writing a wonderful post for #200...  but I won't - you'll just get what you get (and not have a fit)...  if it's funny, bonus...  if it's boring, deal.  But don't "unfollow" me or anything - because then I'll blame the next 3 pounds on you!

See you later - I think it's time to meditate...  or maybe that's the timer for the mac 'n cheese?