Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Stop the Presses!

I suppose that the words "Stop the Presses" shouldn't be used on a nearly defunct blog.

I'd make all sorts of excuses for why I was so busy - the holidays... blah blah blah blah blah...

Guess what I learned this weekend? 

Turns out that each and every one of us on this earth has the same number of hours in the day - so my lame excuses about not having enough time are just not going to sell.

Honesty? Well, in all seriousness - this stupid nutrition class/weight loss thing is the ONLY thing that's been occupying my thoughts and this is NOT a diet blog.  I do not want to write a diet blog... I can only assume that you don't want to read a diet blog...  so I just ended up not blogging.

Okay - so that's actually only half of what I did.  I also wasted a HUGE amount of time on pinterest.  If you are not familiar with pinterest it is a lovely little corner of the web where people like me "pin" all of the things from around the internet onto virtual corkboards so that I can someday look back and see all of the million things that I wish I had actually done. 

Seriously - I have a young friend who has her entire Pinterest wedding planned out down to the napkin rings.  I don't think she's dating anyone right now.

BUT - this is where the Stop The Presses comes in...

MADE something.

and not just the cinnamon roll pancakes.  although those are to. die. for.

While perusing Pinterest yesterday I saw a cute skirt made from fabric and an old pair of jeans...  it was cute so of COURSE it went straight onto my "Sewing, Yeah, like I do THAT" board (seriously, that's what I named it...  I like truth in advertising) and went about my life...

"Life" yesterday included taking my kids to the dollar store so that they could pick out some goodies to send off to some missionaries... we're nice like that... cheap, but nice...

As we entered the dollar store I notice that sweet H is tying her sweatshirt around her waist.  Since it is about negative 23786 degrees Kelvin right now I'm wondering why on earth she would do this... and wondering why on earth she is tying it on backward...  maybe she's just THAT proud of the BYU cougars? (hey, no college slamming around here people... take it outside!)

Turns out she'd been practicing the splits for her Hip-Hop class.

and there goes one more pair of jeans into the trash... but wait!

Yep - I have some fabric... I have a sewing machine... I have thread

and now? now I have a cute new skirt for my little girl!

At the expense of one needle...

Lest you think this is a one time thing - I also have a few other crafts that I made with my Young Women at church... at least one of which began its life on Pinterest :)

So now I need a new board: "Things I can actually vouch for"....

at least that one won't have 2356 items on it :)

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

How I REALLY feel about weight loss

Diets Suck.

Don't get all high and mighty telling me that the real answer is making a "lifestyle change" instead of "going on a diet"

First of all "lifestyle change" just brings to mind a Chaz Bono type of thing.  Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Who am I kidding...  really, I think there is something wrong with Chaz Bono... but it's not about his lifestyle choices.

The REAL problem is that when you say "lifestyle change" I know that's just a politically correct term for "permanent diet"

The only reason I can stomach eating broccoli florets for lunch is knowing that I don't have to do this forever.

and the first person to even suggest that I will eventually crave healthy foods such as little green mini-trees is getting virtual broccoli shoved deep into their virtual sinuses.

(hmmm... have I mentioned that diets suck... and they make me crabby?)

In a short 78 days I hit a milestone birthday.

Bonus points to anyone who is guessing 30...

and I'm staring daggers at anyone who is guessing 50...

it's 40 - and I know... that's probably ancient sounding to you... 

to be honest - I'm okay with turning 40... it's not freaking me out... much.

Ask again in 77 days.

I tell you this not to give you 78 days to shop for the perfect gift... (my favorite color is green) - but because the impending birthday has a lot to do with that four letter word "diet".

You see... turning 40 means that ManOfTheHouse is about to turn... well... older than 40...

Maybe even old enough to qualify as "Middle Aged"

And as well all know that means it's high time for a mid-life crisis.

A good mid-life crisis has a few required elements.

*We can't afford a shiny new red sports car. 
*ManOfTheHouse has enough self respect to know that he'd look ridiculous wearing spandex on a Harley
*that leaves us with the trophy wife...

You know, that hot young bombshell that seems to go for the salt and pepper guys... the one who is usually photographed draped across the red sports car in a skimpy bikini.

I'd say gold-digger... but let's be real...

I've decided to save us all a LOT of time, money & tears

I'm going to BE the new trophy wife.

which means about 6 more pounds in the next 78 days.  Totally do-able. (let's not mention the hair coloring, extensions, and botox I'd need to REALLY look like a trophy wife)

Perfect Solution right???  Yep, well, aside from the whole broccoli thing!

Friday, November 11, 2011

Photo Phriday... and my "treat bag" rant...

...guess what kind of a weekend that means WE'RE having?

 What? Did you say we're throwing a big fancy party?

Yeah, well, then you're wrong.

Instead this happens to be the weekend where ALL of my kids' friends seem to have birthday parties. Apparently my little girls are prejudiced against people with birthdays in any other month.

(not really... but it feels like that right now)

These gifts are for the parties that are happening this weekend starting tonight (a sleepover) and finishing tomorrow afternoon.

If H is lucky we will have time to rush home after the sleepover to allow for tooth brushing and something to eat besides popcorn before the second party begins.

If M is lucky she will be able to not have a complete come-apart waiting for her party to begin on Saturday afternoon.

If I am lucky ManOfTheHouse will offer to do all of the dropping off/picking up/making sure they remember to take the right gift back to the right girl...

If the boys are lucky none of them will require transportation anywhere during this stretch of time.

and if I am TRULY lucky?  then the world at large will realize what a monumental waste of money/annoyance to all parents those silly "treat bags" are. 

Seriously - and I've been guilty in the past - have you ever seen some of the junk in these bags...  little miniature coloring books that get filled up with one touch of a marker - bracelets that fall apart by the time the kid goes to sleep - lip gloss that is destined to ruin a load or two of laundry... you know, basically the same crap that was in the dentist's "treasure box" when I was a kid...  like that made up for having to endure 10 minutes with that flouride gel in your mouth.

NOTHING makes up for that horrendous stuff.  Just sayin'

I feel for party parents, really I do - treat bags seem to be expected these days... I have had kids ask me for them as they go to leave...  the best? The kid who was wearing the apron and chef's hat I'd made for each of the party guests and carrying the miniature cake they'd just decorated to take home... still wants a treat bag...  trust me, if I'd known that's all that was required for a party I would have skipped the hours of sewing and baking.

So hey, if it makes you feel better - and it WILL make the kids happier - throw a few dollars into your treat bags... but don't kid yourself that any parent on the planet is going to be happy with you when they step on that stupid plastic spinning top tomorrow morning.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Happy Belated Halloween

I'm so sick and tired of being governed by the calendar.

Just because the calendar said it was daylight savings time I had to battle with a house full of kids who didn't know which way was up.

and were "up" at 5 a.m.

Just because the calendar said it was nearing the end of the month I ran around like a chicken with my head cut off to meet some deadlines...

yes... for those of you who are wondering, visiting teaching WAS one of those deadlines.

for those of you who don't know what visiting teaching is... well, let's just assume that I got it done and let's not worry :)

The calendar tells me when I have to be at meetings, when I have to start shopping for some holiday (also dictated by a calendar) and when my kids should be at school/dance/scouts/play practice/band practice/etc...

I'm going to throw away the calendar.

Shh... I know that won't actually HELP anything - but I'm in a mood.

Well, guess what? HERE, here on my blog... I'm in charge and I say a big ol' "PAH" to the calendar. So today - just here on my blog - we're celebrating Halloween.

You can bring it back in your neighborhood too... just don't be surprised if you get some strange looks when you go trick-or-treating.

Sweet H... picked the most unconventional costume of the year...

the earrings

the headband

and the necklace...
 ...because every girl worth her salt will insist that an outfit isn't complete without a handbag and shoes...  which no, she didn't get those. 

Does that mean I let her go trick-or-treating half dressed?

Shame on me...

but frankly - have you SEEN the costumes these days?  A nurse costume used to be white clothes with a nurse's hat...

NOW?  a nurse costume looks like the kid is going to bring home a little more than candy after a night walking the streets...  if you know what I mean.

and bless your sweet little innocent heart if you don't know what I mean :)

I bet YOU don't dress up like a nurse on Halloween!

but wait... there's more...
No, I don't know what he was going for either... he was "Bob" of course...
Scary Little Vampire?

the thought of that future dental work scares me... Ch'ching!!!!
So Happy Halloween folks - hope it was good, hope you got all the Vanilla Tootsie Rolls your little heart desired, and hope that in the end you were happier than this:
bless the tooth-brush gifting neighbor's heart...

(and yes - the rest of us dressed up...  and no I didn't purposely avoid the camera all day while dressed up like Donald Duck... it just so happens that nobody took a picture of me... probably...)