Wednesday, November 16, 2011

How I REALLY feel about weight loss

Diets Suck.

Don't get all high and mighty telling me that the real answer is making a "lifestyle change" instead of "going on a diet"

First of all "lifestyle change" just brings to mind a Chaz Bono type of thing.  Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Who am I kidding...  really, I think there is something wrong with Chaz Bono... but it's not about his lifestyle choices.

The REAL problem is that when you say "lifestyle change" I know that's just a politically correct term for "permanent diet"

The only reason I can stomach eating broccoli florets for lunch is knowing that I don't have to do this forever.

and the first person to even suggest that I will eventually crave healthy foods such as little green mini-trees is getting virtual broccoli shoved deep into their virtual sinuses.

(hmmm... have I mentioned that diets suck... and they make me crabby?)

In a short 78 days I hit a milestone birthday.

Bonus points to anyone who is guessing 30...

and I'm staring daggers at anyone who is guessing 50...

it's 40 - and I know... that's probably ancient sounding to you... 

to be honest - I'm okay with turning 40... it's not freaking me out... much.

Ask again in 77 days.

I tell you this not to give you 78 days to shop for the perfect gift... (my favorite color is green) - but because the impending birthday has a lot to do with that four letter word "diet".

You see... turning 40 means that ManOfTheHouse is about to turn... well... older than 40...

Maybe even old enough to qualify as "Middle Aged"

And as well all know that means it's high time for a mid-life crisis.

A good mid-life crisis has a few required elements.

*We can't afford a shiny new red sports car. 
*ManOfTheHouse has enough self respect to know that he'd look ridiculous wearing spandex on a Harley
*that leaves us with the trophy wife...

You know, that hot young bombshell that seems to go for the salt and pepper guys... the one who is usually photographed draped across the red sports car in a skimpy bikini.

I'd say gold-digger... but let's be real...

I've decided to save us all a LOT of time, money & tears

I'm going to BE the new trophy wife.

which means about 6 more pounds in the next 78 days.  Totally do-able. (let's not mention the hair coloring, extensions, and botox I'd need to REALLY look like a trophy wife)

Perfect Solution right???  Yep, well, aside from the whole broccoli thing!


Kristina P. said...

I did enjoy turning 30. I have to admit, turning 40 freaks me out a bit!

Jen T said...

But the nice this is, whether you lose the 6 lbs or not, he will still love you the same--remember that while eating broccoli :)

cold cocoa said...

Just add broccoli to your seasonal eggnog and Christmas treats and you'll be set!
That is totally something you can do. What a fun idea, to be the trophy wife. Good excuse to get some new clothes, too!

Barbaloot said...

My brother was the opposite of Kristina. He freaked at 30, but said 40 was no big deal.

Cluttered Brain said...

WHAT? I refuse to believe youa re 40 and in my head you are really only about 35 like me. Cuz I consider everyone who hangs with me about my age.
However I feel a lot younger. Let's say about 28. YA I'm 28ish. Wanna join me?
I'll be in my 20's a while longer even when my daughters get to be teenagers. I have one already.
oh bother.

I am not old. I am not old.

Cuz I feel like I'm 28. Except I cant stay up late like I used to. Unless I'm at work. Then I have to drink caffeine to stay awake...
le sigh.

I'm writing my own little novel here on your blog post. I'm sorry. It's been WAY too long since I commented on someones blog...and I kinda miss the interaction.
le sigh.
Love you T!
We gotta get together sometime soon. Perhaps for breakfast? lol.
Or another time suits me as well.

Megz said...

Don't trophies come in all shapes and sizes? At our sports store they do...

Kazzy said...

T is for Trophy Wife!

Best of luck. On my 47th birthday I had lost about 35 lbs in that year, and I felt (and still feel) better than I have in 15 years!

Teachinfourth said...

Just be grateful to have enjoyed this beautiful world for each and every candle on the cake...

Rock it, woman.

Serene is my name, not my life! said...

Meh, who needs a trophy. :D

Still, I'm all about wanting to look and feel fabulous. That's why this stinking number 5 baby is so frustrating. Can't seem to lose these last 15 pounds!! Grrr...
So, I'me trying to take my vitamins and drink my shakes (I LOVE the Melaleuca Attain Shakes... yummmm....) and even try to squeeze in a little workout here and there.

We'll see how it goes!