I really miss being bugged sometimes...

My youngest is 4... she'll be 5 next month and if you look in the dictionary for the definition of "underfoot", her picture is probably there.  She knows everything that goes on in my life because she is ALWAYS right there....  (okay, I DO manage to lock her out of the bathroom)

Don't get me wrong - I love her to pieces and my life would not be complete without each of my children but it is frequently AMAZING to me that she can't be 10 feet away.  Can Dad sit next to her at the dinner table?  Tuck her in at night?  Get a hug in the morning?  Yeah, probably not - because little miss M is mine and mine alone.

Friends whose children are grown always say to me "someday you'll miss that closeness" - and I always respond that I'm looking forward to missing it :)

But today - M went to preschool at 1:00 and by the time she came home at 3:00 I'd been at the bookfair for a few hours... she was forced to stay with her oldest brother and fry her brain on cartoons even though she normally just sits next to me (in the same chair) at the bookfair while I try to check-out 345 kids per minute.  I got done at the bookfair at 5:00 but only had time to drive by the house and let the 9 and 11 year old hop in the car to get to baseball tryouts in time...  M is still stuck with her oldest brother, this time eating "pizza pillows" which he tossed in the microwave to stave off starvation.  Baseball tryouts lasted TWO and a HALF HOURS!  She was exhausted by the time I got home - Dad was already reading her a bedtime story (see, he CAN do it if I'm unavailable) but I got to tuck her in and give her lots of hugs after she got done being mad at me...

You know what though - I missed her.  Really badly.  I don't think I'm looking forward to it as much as I was yesterday...

Don't You Hate it When the rug goes West for the Winter...

I guess technically it's going Northwest... but the title was long enough already... 

and as long as I'm being honest - this isn't just happening for the Winter, it's pretty much Daily...  since I bought the beastly rug!  "Beastly?" - I love this rug... really, got a great bargain on this rug at Bed, Bath, and Beyond a few years ago when we were re-decorating the family room - it pulled the whole "look" together and LUCKILY was about 1/3 the original price!!!

But really - every morning I straighten up this room and center the rug...  leaving it about 2.5 inches from the couch, 2.5 inches from the entertainment center and neatly tucked under the edge of the rocking chair...  Neurotic?  Me?  Not much...

(shoot - I think the picture was taken on a day  that I yanked the rug as far back as possible hoping to postpone the inevitable... there goes the 2.5 inch thing...)

Then WHAM!  the next time I walk into the room the rug has moved - and I'm not pulling out a ruler or anything - sometimes the rug has migrated so far to the Northwest that it is in danger of creating a rug/entertainment center lovechild!

The real question - how is this happening?  We walk OUT of the room as often as we walk INTO the room - so shouldn't it be moving both directions?  But noooo... nothing matters except the rug which obviously has a thing for the entertainment center and a severe case of separation anxiety...  I have to tug it back into place 2 or 3 times per day - and yes - I really do hate it when this happens!

...THIS is why we have hardwood and tile in the rest of the house!

To see more "don't you hate it when" stories today - visit Shelle, tell her I said hi...

The number of the beast tag...

okay, when Swirl tagged me in a quick photo tag (6th file, 6th photo, 6 friends) I have to admit I got a little freaky about the number of 6's...  Heck, I don't even discard 3 6's in a row when playing cards... really, I don't...  it's kind of a problem when playing SkipBo because I never have a danged 6 because they're always buried... but aside from that this little quirk has not really affected my life...  

See... not affecting my life now - because the 6th picture in said file was actually kind of cute...  (And let's not mention that it used to be the 7th picture but I deleted a duplicate in front of it... really, it's not cheating...) 

This photo is of Sweet M back when she was... ummm 2?  H  had just celebrated her "make-up" birthday (the one where EVERYONE gave her a make up kit...  except for the mom who loves to clean up messes) and M just had to try out some of the goods!  Upon closer inspection it looks like she'd been into the spaghetti-o's  before she started in on the lip gloss...  but I don't care - just look at those gorgeous eyes!!!

See - I couldn't leave it at one photo - had to include this one that shows M's horrid hair (there was a bow... it must have started the day cute...) and H's cute self gently applying a pouf of sparkle to her face...

Can I wait until they're 25 to allow them to wear make-up?

So I'm really just an ungrateful whiner sometimes...

I got my car back - and the heater works like a charm... this all happened at about 5:30 yesterday.  I had finally showered by then so M.O.T.H. took me over to pick up my car and I was able to do some quick grocery shopping on the way home.  Despite a minor squeak which the back brakes were still making I was happy - hey, I had MOBILITY again!!!  

So what turned me back into a whiner?  A little too much cheerfulness... really - there is such thing as too much.  I stopped at the grocery store nearest the car place - which I rarely go to unless they are having a KILLER sale on cereal.  I had barely gotten to the front door when I was greeted...  and then another nice employee greeted me as I was walking past the .88 cake mixes... and then before I'd made it through fresh produce I was greeted by two more employees...  

Is there something on my face?  why are all these people smiling at me?  I did shower!  isn't there a shelf somewhere you should be stocking?

I'm pretty sure that by the time I left that store I'd been greeted by every single Smith's employee... some twice...  I mean there's nice and then there's stalking...  I shouldn't have to turn to respond to yet another greeting whilst debating the merits of orange peeps instead of the traditional yellow...  and when I was leaving with my bagged groceries the guy who greeted me at the beginning asked if he could help me to my car...

NO!  For crying out loud people!  I seriously am going to have a complex... I checked my fly, up.  I checked my teeth, no spinach.  Hair - ugh, but acceptable...  

So yay to Smith's grocery store for having the friendliest staff in town...  and yay for keeping them all on in this stressful economy because frankly - most of them are just wandering around the store harassing your customers :)

To counteract all of the vim and vinegar - I was given this loverly award...

...and I kid you not this award was given to me because of the great Attitude/Gratitude shown on my blog...  umm...  thanks Janet - and yes, it's too late to take it back now :)

I'm officially supposed to give the award to 10 other folks that are showing great Attitude/Gratitude... I need to go ask around at Smith's and see if all of the employees are bloggers...

If you made it this far into my whiny post you have a great attitude and I have gratitude that you are still my friend - so this award is for you!!!!

(maybe the employee training manual hasn't quite distinguished between stocking and stalking?)

The search for amusement in my universe...

okay - so maybe the universe is funny... I'm just not getting it today...

I mean really...  

I show up yesterday morning for a quick little replacement of some brake pads on my car...  the safety factor was less important than the fact that every time I stopped anywhere everyone would stop and stare.  No, not because I drive a cherry red hot rod - because the SQWEEEAK of my brakes was loud enough to set off alarms.  

and OF COURSE - something called "CV boots" were leaking...  do I know what that means?  No.  I do however know that they cost a lot of money to replace.  

And remember this - when it took forever to get ahold of a bulb for my left turn signal?  well, yeah - of course my brakes and boots are unique as well and have to be ordered in... so I'm now on day 2 without a car and I think I may scream...  of course, that won't accomplish a whole lot besides freaking out my kids!

So this morning - the heating repairman comes to the house and finds that the problem is minor...  visit cost only...       but wait... this other piece looks like it's going to kick it soon.  So I weigh my options - pay now and suck it up... or wait and pay another visit cost...  I had the part replaced now - and the repairman left saying that we'd be good for ten years now!

Ten minutes later...  (okay - closer to 3 hours) I have no heat...  good thing it's a nice sunny day - and I'm waiting for the repairman to return my call...

Speaking of calls... my car still isn't done...  

Is there anything funny about all of this?

Oh - I smell kind of funny... or is is funky...  I keep putting off my shower because the phone might ring, and besides - who wants wet hair in a cold house?

UPDATE:  repairman has given me permission to crank up the heat a little to keep it cookin' - take that Mr. cold blooded :)

and have I mentioned that next week is book fair - and the crazy book fair lady is already tearing out her hair once again?  She was better this time and remembered to proofread the flyers before copying... IF they've been copied since I had to send them up there today with the kids...  (and somehow I feel the need to apologize to all of those people who read that book fair post last fall without realizing that I was the CBFL...)

Major/Minor... whatev...

Our family has a lot of birthdays crammed in with the Holiday Season - the youngest is more familiar with which event is coming next than with the months of the year.  (oh PLEASE let that not be true...)

With all of this fun there's a little bit of forgetfulness about which holidays actually bear celebrating...  so on President's Day Eve we're not COMPLETELY surprised when this happens

Po: "so what's the special breakfast for President's Day?"

Mom: "special, how about Cheerios?"

Po: "it's a holiday Mom!"

Mom: "so... what sounds good..."

Po: "Presidents eat donuts right?"

no - those were not OUR donuts - but M.O.T.H. did break down and pick some up for FHE treats...  apparently presidents DO eat donuts :)

Flashback week...

Quick back-story:  back in the high school years I took early morning seminary (a church class that began at the crazy hour of 5:45 every school day) so I would frequently have a backpack full of hair supplies/make-up and scriptures.  I also had the world's funkiest hair-do...  or maybe the 2nd funkiest...  someone certainly gave me a run for my money....  the point being that I needed some serious goop to keep that hair sticking in all those directions.  The hairspray of choice was Aussie Sprunch Spray - it held all that insanity where I wanted it AND it smelled good.  Turned out to be a good thing that I liked the smell because one morning I grabbed my bag and heard a dripping sound...  ummm... oops, the bottle of hairspray had gotten crushed (probably by a history book...  and even if not I'm going to blame it on that - I hated my history class) and the hairspray had soaked through... not my history book but my scriptures... BIG oops!  I loved these scriptures - they were the cute little size that was useless for scripture chases but dainty and handy as long as you weren't severely nearsighted...  

To this day those scriptures (which are now used by my nearly 7yr old daughter) sport a lovely purple tinge to the corners of the pages and a distinct Sprunch Spray smell...  

So I'm shopping the other day for hairspray - with some very flat and very bland hair - and what do I see on the shelf?  Seriously - do I have to tell you... haven't you been following along?  I didn't know they still made this stuff!

  

So I buy my beloved Sprunch Spray (hey, it was on sale even!) and all week I've been having olfactory flashback when I swing my head to the side.  Needless to say I've been doing a lot of head-swinging...  I might need a chiropractor...

and my daughter... she told me I smell like her scriptures :)  Does that make me more holy?

and the other flashback - I got to have lunch with a college roommate - it's been... well... let's just guess at 17 years and it was a trip!  She was in town for the President's Day Weekend (hoping for some nice warm weather that was sadly lacking) and we had a chance to live it up for probably about 30 minutes longer than her husband was hoping for since he had all 5 of their boys with HIM for the duration!  She's always had the most beautiful eyes but I hardly think it's fair that I have far more wrinkles than she does!  It was a lot of fun - even though she actually LIKES history...

...oh, the memories - some too stupid to blog about :)

(ahh... - now I'm swinging my head side to side and enjoying the wafting Sprunchy smell...  it's cheap aromatherapy!)

they'll just wither and die, but still...

for those of you who didn't get the 2 dozen roses from your significant other (and really, if M.O.T.H. spent $100+ on flowers we'd have some big problems in our house) here you go - you're welcome to print them out and sign the name "Jack" and see what your significant other does when he sees them...

Happy Valentine's Day if you don't hate the holiday - and Happy good luck getting a seat in a restaurant Saturday :)

SOoooo not my fault!

a fellow blogger cued me in to the fact that a special holiday was coming up soon (today actually, silly scheduled posts...) - Blame Someone Else Day once again rears its ugly head!  I've known about a bunch of bizarre holidays (talk like a Pirate and Sneak a Zucchini onto Your Neighbor's Front Porch Day come to mind immediately) and I celebrate them with zeal (zeal meaning of course to ignore them except for the moments when I am trying to be witty). 

So how is it I missed this one?  It's probably your fault.  or maybe your hairdresser's dog's cousin's neighbor's mother's first boyfriend's grown daughter's pedicurist's...  I don't care, as long as it isn't MY fault.  

I'd list all the things that weren't my fault today - but since that list is REALLY long, and probably extremely tedious - just imagine the contents of your life (laundry, dishes, errands...) and know that I'm not to blame for any of it.

Who am I blaming?  ummm... I'm going with Angelina Jolie... no, not because I actually care about her  puffy lipped face or her homewrecker tattooed self - I just figured I had to lay the blame somewhere.  She can blame me for all her problems if she likes too - I'm nothing but fair!  (now when somebody Googles Angelina Jolie hoping for skimpy pictures they're going to end up here...  maybe they'll stay and see the error of their ways?)

This is perfect - because tomorrow is also known as "suck it up - let it go and enjoy your significant other day..."

P.S. If today's post isn't the best you've EVER read - it's Barbaloot's fault - I'll let Angelina off the hook for that one :)  Thanks for the info Barb!

Dominant Genes

Do my kids have any hope for a normal life?  

I took biology - even got an A - so I sort of "get" the whole dominant/recessive gene thing - so why is it that ManOfTheHouse and I are determined to pass on our worst traits??

Teeth:

T - straight!  The Orthodontist begrudgingly named me the first perfect bite he'd ever seen :)

Q - braces twice...  Twice?

The Kids:  Ugh, this is costing us a fortune!

Teeth (again):

T - rotten, my cavities get cavities...  and yes, I DO floss and brush (obsessively

Q - healthy teeth - hardly a cavity to be seen

The Kids:  again - a small fortune goes into repairing their teeth before we put braces on them.

Height:

T - I'm 4'11" - 'nuff said.

Q - 6' even...

The Kids:  I'll be apologizing for this one for years I'm sure...  no basketball players here!

Weight:

T - the genes are not good on this one - I can maintain if I constantly diet.

Q - some of the brothers can't swim because they don't have enough body fat.

The Kids:  1/2 and 1/2 - but don't tell them that... 

Asthma:

T - BIG family history - small problem myself

Q - what, you can't climb this mountain without pausing?

The Kids:  minor issues - what, croup isn't for teenagers?

Temperament:

T - AAAAAAaaaaaack - I don't want to talk about it.

Q - cool as a cucumber

The Kids:  hmmm... we do a lot of time-out around here... for me AND the kids... 

Eyes:

T - UGH - been wearing glasses/contacts since age 12

Q - not quite so ugh... glasses for driving at about 30...  

The Kids:  we're waiting on this verdict.

We won't even get started on the whole medical history...

We COULD have had the perfect kids - His height, metabolism and health - but with my straight teeth...  and my cute nose and ears :)  Good thing I think the kids are perfect just as they are... nothing a little therapy and a lot of orthodonture won't cure!

Hey You Guuuuuuuys!

Okay - just posting this is SO going to date me... but bear with!  

When I was a mere child I watched a few shows on TV... Sesame Street (gotta love the twiddle bugs), Mr. Rogers (because the Trolley was too cool to resist), and Electric Company...

Sesame Street has gone a little more liberal, but it's still around in semi-recognizable form.  Gordon and Susan got older, and Snuffleupagus is actually VISIBLE... but I can handle change, really I can.

Mr. Rogers - well, they're certainly not being made anymore, but the reruns are around and they're still seeing how crayons are made and Lady Fairchild is still crazy.   Most importantly - The Speedy Delivery Guy is never late!

Electric Company - disappeared off the face of the earth?

But WAIT - Monday after I posted I went to turn on the TV - and what was on?  Electric Company... really - and not a re-run... a whole new episode... but now the Electric Company is actually a bunch of kids who (in this episode at least) are running around town to liberate a stolen rhino beetle...  using their rebus skills and iPhones to chase down the catholic school girl criminal who is making a you-tube video to taunt them and give them clues at the same time...  There's a few moments of "educational TV" thrown in...  and one of the girls DID say "hey you guuuuuys" but it just isn't the same...  

....one more childhood memory shot to pieces!  

Pssst, hey Kid - you wanna Tattoo?

Apparently I fell down and broke my funny bone because I'm having a hard time feeling witty - but since I semi-dedicated my Tuesday blog to peace and quiet and a clean home (and not adding to Heidi's crazy Wednesdays) I really have to post something today or else everyone's going to jump ship! 

Tuesday: As part of the annual PTA days at our local Harmon's Grocery Store I will be spending a few hours standing around and giving little temporary Tattoos to children that are usually kicking, screaming, and whining for a box of Twinkies... oh wait, not everyone's kids do that?

I appreciate that this store does this - mostly because it provides a few bucks to the PTA coffers which makes it possible to eliminate the need for selling ridiculously priced wrapping paper to grandparents who REALLY don't want it but feel obligated to support their grand-children!  So... If you happen to live near enough a Harmon's store you could run and pick up a box of Twinkies or two... they're infinitely better than wrapping paper... especially frozen... yummm...

PS - and if you happen to live near enough to MY Harmon's store... and if you're thinking "Whoa - it's a public appearance by T!!!"  well, I'll be there between 1 and 3 o-clock defacing innocent young arms - but I'm not signing any copies of my blog posts... unless of course you bring a Twinkie!

PPS - PLEASE don't bring any Twinkies...  really, I need at least 48 hours to let my body recover from all of the bad eating done in this house over the weekend...  besides, there's a whole box of frozen Twinkies in my freezer that I'm trying to get the kids to take for lunches before my will power gives out!  Besides, I have to go straight to the Orthodontist office after my volunteer shift and it's just plain cruel to walk into that place with processed pastry breath!

Although I might give in for a yellow Zinger...  Okay No - I'm going to be good, really :)

The Young Amazon Department...

We went to have our taxes done yesterday - and because life is forever against me the appointment in front of us needed to have her state taxes done from several different states this year...  rather than sitting down and enjoying their pile of magazines and their soft chairs M.O.T.H. and I chose to wander the mall...

I was soon wishing I had taken advantage of the soft chairs and magazines (even though I wonder how many germs are spread that way...)

But then... I walked into the "young mens" department thinking I could snag some great deals for the boys...  I love me a good 60% off sale!

Ummm...  Seriously - is there a young man that can wear this?  I know I'm 4'11" and all, but these were hitting the floor and still taller than M.O.T.H. - not to mention that my arms are about as far apart as they go...  

Hint to management:  maybe if they were displayed in the area of the store where the big and tall men actually LOOK for their clothes, you wouldn't have had to discount them to 60% off?

(sorry, the picture is REALLY fuzzy - I'd say it was because I was protecting my identity, but let's be real... even a good camera phone is pretty sucky) 

(and yeah - K, if you're reading this... I do think they're even too big for your young man...)

I'm not paying for your hearing aids Young Man!

This is a common sight around our house lately...  well, except imagine him indoors with slightly poorer lighting...

Those %^#&*ety %$^& iPod earbuds are going to be the death of me!  You'd think he'd learn when he misses phone calls (because I'm not chasing him down and using arm signals so that he can grunt into the phone) or when we're halfway done with dinner when he comes upstairs because he "didn't hear us" call him for the prayer...  

Yesterday I about lost it after asking him to turn the volume DOWN and I said "Listen, ruin your ears all you want - but you will pay for your own hearing aids!"  M.O.T.H. could barely wait until the kid turned his back to laugh at me over that one :)

But Seriously... have you SEEN the cost of hearing aids?  

and those are the DISCOUNTED prices!  Yipes!

After checking them out I will be turning down the volume on every device in the house.  So sorry if you've spent hours doing your blog playlist - it will be so soft it will all sound like Brahms to me!

Will this solve my teenager crisis?  No... but if anybody is computer guru, engineering genius - call me and we'll collaborate on a million dollar idea I have...  Every mom in the world is going to want one of these...  

In which I admit to my lack of coordination...

ManOfTheHouse calls me "Danger Prone Daphne"...  this might have something to do with the 2 inch scar on my thumb that I got trying to get a tiny bit more gel out of the bottle...  or it might have something to do with the fact that I can't go a week without having some raging bruise on some part of my anatomy...  some of which I can remember getting...

This week - the nickname has been thrown around more than usual...

a few weeks ago I busted up my big toe...  how?  yeah, don't quite remember that part - pain doesn't mean a lot to me in my feet - and thanks to this incident  and some other health issues I actually don't feel some of the things I kick - I have no feeling in a few of those toes at all...  one more T-oddity to add to the pile :)  (toddity? - that's sure to show up as a word verification now...)

Anywho - I had to run my son to a birthday party at the local pool last weekend - so I threw on some big cloggy shoes that I thought I'd love when I bought them... and jumped in the car.  We got to the pool and I parked a little further away than I'd intended.  Hoping to be quicker I decided that instead of going AROUND the rock medians I'd just go right through the rocks and thus get home faster to my waiting pile of laundry...  (why, again - I don't usually have answers for the hows and whys in this world).

I was still babying my big toe - which meant walking a little "off" and the clogs were a little heavier than I'd planned... and I lost my balance... but regained it, then lost it again - only to get my other foot under myself solidly, until it wasn't anymore...  I'm sure this would have been HILARIOUS to any passers by - but there weren't any...  as a matter of fact my own son was two steps ahead and didn't even notice until I fell WHAM at his ankles...  Two skinned up wrists - two knees with minor abrasions and goose-egg type bumps - and now 5 days later I am sporting a rainbow of colors across my knees... and a freshly injured and highly taped up toe...  

I didn't play many sports as a child... again, partly due to that incident... but mostly because I was frankly an accident waiting to happen...  

Soccer - The coach wanted me to learn to use my left foot more - so I once kicked the ball with both feet...  at the same time...  that was a bruise nobody got to see... even me!

Gymnastics - you know, those uneven bars can leave some nasty bruises if you fail to bend when you hit them...

Volleyball - once misaligned my growth plate in my left wrist going for the dig...  I saved the point... but we still lost - probably not worth it

Softball - yeah, after learning that catching the ball WITHOUT a mitt is a bad thing I did learn that I need glasses... 

Dance - ummm...  those were just emotional bruises

I'm a yoga girl I think... oh wait, I did almost pass out once during a yoga class in college - but I never bruised myself at least ;)

Is there a grace period on license renewal?

as some of you know I decided to be lazy yesterday...  REALLY lazy and I spent the day playing with my kids at home rather than doing all of the things that needed to be done (laundry, renewing my license) so today I'm going to be busy...  EXCEPT that I'm still not sure I have time for the DMV since I have a 10:00 meeting and my son's out of school at 11:00...  

so, if you locals see some big black SUV driving down the road like it's being driven by your sainted grandmother... just wave and say hi :)

Old-ish

that's right, there's no sense hiding it (not with my sis-in-law's dropping by and telling on me). Aside from being a lovely little holiday about groundhogs, this day is amazing.  No, not just because we finally get back to watching decent Monday Night TV...  

It's my birthday - I'm officially one year older (well, I will be in the morning at least... currently I'm still young and vibrant - I didn't really want to wait until morning to write this!).  

So how does a girl celebrate her big day?  Ummm... aside from the typical things I always do (except today I won't feel guilty about the things I'm NOT doing) I also get to run and renew my drivers' license - ooh yay...  so as you're lounging about reading this in the morning I'm going to be waiting in a hopefully short line at the DMV and checking my hair in the mirror so that I can finally take a "not-ugly" driver's license picture...

Seriously, the last photo...  I've been so embarrassed about it every time I had to show ID that I say little prayers while swiping my credit card... something to the effect of "please don't let the computer prompt the cashier to see my ugly picture"... which probably produces the opposite effect because the guilty look on my face is probably similar to someone who may have swiped my credit card and used it for nefarious purchases... like milk and bread... 

So of course I have told many many MANY cashiers in this town that when that picture was taken I was 9 months pregnant/on steroid shots for carpal tunnel...  they smile and laugh - but we all know they don't care, they just want to go home like everyone else!

So am I old?  Heck no - I may not be 29 anymore (hey, I've got to admit to more than that since my oldest is turning 14 this year) but lots of things in the world are older than I am...

I mean really, this gal ate Tuna that was older than I am!  (well... depending on what month it was canned)