Sometimes the Universe is just Conspiring against me

ManOfTheHouse was out of town last night - setting up a campground for a passel of giggling teenaged girls or other nonsense.  I'm not quite sure...  he could probably get away with a lot sometimes for all the attention I pay to his out of house activities.  Camping?  Bye Honey, have a good time.  Biking?  Bye Honey, have a good time. Business Trip?  Bye Honey, have a good time and bring me something nice.

the box too... I really dig that box

Okay, okay - I do pay more attention than THAT.  I call obsessively, for instance.  Last night he received a text while I stood in line at WalMart... telling him all about the loud alarms that had just filled the store when (I'm assuming) someone tried to smuggle a big screen TV out of the store underneath their tube top.  Then I proceeded to text him about the family ahead of me in line... the pregnant mother currently puking into a trash can while waiting in line.  I quickly found another (longer) line but my morbid curiosity forced me to notice that everyone else stayed in that short line... really, saving 3 minutes is worth that smell?  (Confidential to that poor mother - ummm, honey - next time, rather than having someone hold your hair out of the way - make a beeline for the restroom...  even if they put ALL your groceries back on the shelves and you have to re-shop... still a better place for puking)


M took the opportunity last night to crawl in and sleep in my bed last night.  Normally this is an absolute No-no...  but I caved... mostly because she came to give me a hug and a snuggle when I was reading a book and by the time I was at the end of the chapter she was asleep.  Frankly, she's getting heavy.  (yes, she does still weigh only 35 pounds... and yes that IS rather light for a 6 year old... but no, I still did not want to carry her to bed)

I didn't sleep so well.  (this is where an audio clip of a sharp shocked intake of breath would go nicely... when are blogs going to get audio?)

I debated calling last night and canceling my morning walk/mental health therapy since ManOfTheHouse wouldn't be here... but I have older children and that is what they are for.  Well, that and bringing in the groceries.  For those of you with only younger children - what were you thinking?

When the alarm failed to go off this morning (umm, because I didn't SET the alarm because that is ManOfTheHouse's job and well, I forgot okay!) I freaked a little because I woke up a few minutes late.  Thank goodness for internal alarms.  In a flash (and like the superhero I like to pretend to be when nobody is watching) I ran about the house collecting my walking pants (oh shoot... where are those... forget it, these shorts are only a LITTLE dirty - I'll wash them when I get home) and my socks (actually, those were where they belonged) and my shoes (why oh why must my little girls wear my shoes around the house and leave them in two separate spots?), and bemoaning the fact that I did NOT get the dishes or the laundry or the weeding done yesterday - I went to grab my keys.  My keys... hmmm.   Keys... where are you keys?  Oh forget it, I'll grab the spare set and find mine when I get home (after I wash these shorts) - of course, the spare set is right where they belo...  crap... where did they go???  (Side note - just NOW 3 hours later, I remembered that I knocked them down yesterday while grabbing something else, argh)

The universe was clearly telling me that I needed to stay home this morning - I'm on load two of laundry - the weeds have all been pulled - the dishwasher just finished and is waiting for one of those older children to empty it - and as you just found out... I located the keys... both sets actually!

(update - while waiting for photos to upload - I found out that it was the mail key I knocked down yesterday - If anyone has seen a red clip attached to a big clunky black key, let me know)

Ack - can it be true??? She wouldn't REALLY???

Some of you (by this I mean my sisters-in-law who have read this blog from the beginning) may remember "tag week" where I basically took every Meme and tag out there and just blew through them as quickly as possible, to get it out of the way.  I think I said something about "never again" at some point...

apparently I lied.  Get used to disappointment princess.  (I think I'm channeling the Dread Pirate Roberts!)

If I'm going to do a Meme - let's all agree that I'm singing it very choir practice like and going up and down the Scale... Me me me me me me me me meeee (etc... until your range lets you down)...  Have I mentioned that I'm actually singing in a choir soon...  so I'm having to do all of those warm-ups again.  Have I ever mentioned before that as I get older my once wonderfully high soprano voice has threatened to go alto on me?  Is it horrible to admit that I'm one of those Lazy Sopranos who just likes singing the melody and the rest of you can work out that harmony crap.  So rather than give in to the aging process I am exercising those vocal cords to be able to sustain my A... no, not THAT A, that's for wimps - one octave up.  Yeah - after our performance I think I'm going to take a 40 hour fast from speaking.  (my kids would LOVE that)

Anywho - I was pleasantly surprised during my blog-hopping adventures to find that Holly (a very nice, deep thinking blogger I met at CBC) had given me this award.

We will all forgive Holly because (bless her heart) it isn't HER fault that the award is pink...  and frankly, since I don't know who I can blame for it I will just have to man up (well...  y'know) and deal with it.  With that I will say a hearty thank you to Holly and accept this award on behalf of all pink haters everywhere.

The rules of my acceptance are that I share ten things about myself - and then pass the award on to ten OTHER blogs that I have recently found and think are gosh darn swell.

Did you know how much I hate following rules?  (that counts as one thing, right?)
I think I mentioned my dislike of pink... even my first baby girl never wore pink until she was about a year.
Hey, I also mentioned that I sing... see, we're already half-way there.
I have never been a real math genius.
I haven't eaten chocolate in 21 years...  coincidentally this is about when I became hard to live with.  Just ask my High School friends.
I spent about 5 years on crutches as a child...  kids stopped teasing me about it pretty quickly (because back then the crutches were all a nice solid HEAVY chunk of wood)
I have a little bit of a violent streak.
I love to redecorate... ManOfTheHouse wishes I would stop moving the furniture on a weekly basis.
If I had a choice between eating and reading I think I'd starve happily while my nose was buried in a book (thus the book blog)
I have to go to the dentist in the morning - not for my wonderful cleaning appointment (which I LOVE) but because I have a stupid rotten cavity (a tiny one) which is probably because I'm still struggling with the concept of brushing up and down when side to side is SO much easier!

and that's it.  ten things.  Ta-dah!!!

the ten other bloggers...  well, here's what we're gonna do...  you see those followers there in the right column... yep - they are ALL awesome people.  use your favorite method of selection (I don't recommend darts unless you print this out first) and visit a few of them.  if you LOVE them like I do - you tell them that they can take the award from here and it will be JUST LIKE I followed the rules.... well, sorta.

ancient Teenage secrets...

when my boys are bored they cook... and if it weren't for the horrendous mess they leave behind I would never complain...  this is because they've actually got some talent in the kitchen.

Exhibit A:

Seriously... Crepes... and not just any old crepes - these are their specialty Neapolitan crepes - Vanilla, Strawberry and Chocolate all filled and rolled - ready for gluttonous consumption.

They even made me a chocolate free version.  It was delicious if I must say so myself (and apparently I must... since I'm a solo blogger around here). 

You know what though - they've refused to share their recipe.  Downright refused.  I think they're hoping to grow up and open their own International House of Crepes (IHOC?) and become rich and famous. 

Well, actually - only one of them has dreams of becoming a chef - I think the oldest is still determined to become a successful musician (as opposed to the unsuccessful type who will live in my basement For. Ev. Er. - that's just not gonna fly)


It's a good thing these boys are learning to cook though - because I've got three HUGE zucchini sitting on the counter that need to become zucchini bread quickly... 


I think they only do crepes though.

zucchini crepes?  heck, I'd try 'em...

anyone got a smashing Zucchini bread recipe... the last one I tried was in one of those "everyone at the school submit your favorite recipe and we'll print them all up and make a bunch of money forgetting that this is going to end up being a cookbook that nobody will ever use because nobody has actually ever TESTED these recipes to make sure that it's not actually poisonous or meant to be used as a bludgeon" type of cookbooks that I got from an intermediate school fundraiser.  Yep, I thought the title was long too...

I could also use some tips on how to prepare brussels sprouts... because I've got a few handfuls of those - and I'm nothing if not brave (just don't mention the naked spider incident) (and NO - it wasn't the spider who was naked... well, maybe it was also, I don't know for sure...)

Maybe if I beg enough (and pay them off) they'll allow me to share the recipe someday - but until then, know that you'll be welcome at their world famous restaurant any time, just mention that we're BBFFs and I'm sure you'll get an awesome table.  Well, as soon as the restaurant goes from dreamland to real life at least.

Okay, writing that made me hungry... boys...  what's for lunch???

Where was blogging when I needed it most?

Someone asked me today while I blog...  and once I got to thinking about it I realized that I wish I'd been blogging years longer.

Why do I blog?  well, folks - without sounding mushy or gushy... (because I'm neither... really - you won't see THIS girl melting into a puddle when Mighty Joe Young rescues the toddler from the runaway ferris wheel - and don't believe anyone who tells you otherwise!)  Crud, can't a girl have ONE pregnancy meltdown and not have to be called a crybaby for the next ten years?

anywho... without the gushiness - I blog for YOU - my loyal readers.  I blog for your witty comments, I blog for your encouragement, I blog for your understanding... but most of all I blog for your entertainment... hoping thereby to glean just a tiny bit of glory out of my day.  I've never claimed to be a "writer" - at least not in those terms...  but I do like to put my little piece of wit, wisdom, or whining out there for the world to appreciate (or hate) because that's just how I am. 

Let's rewind life about 20 years whilst I admit what a HUGE mega-geek I was in High School.  Okay - I was actually a total closet geek because I actually had some pretty cool friends and I hid well the fact that inbetween school and work I would often turn on the computer and sign in to a BBS.  See - only a true 80's geek will even KNOW what a BBS is!  Basically it was the precursor to chat rooms (which I totally abhor... so why did I BBS?  Let's call it peer pressure - family can be "peers" too right?)

I would check in with my "friends" Miss Scarlett, Cappy, and Brave Little Toaster - who knew me as Gidget (yes, the Girl Midget... shut it, I'm only 4'11'') and we would exchange witty repartee in a VERY basic way.  I actually met some of these people once... and felt COMPLETELY out of place...  like a Cheerleader at a Trek Convention...  but as long as the screen names were in place, I was one of them.

that didn't last long - college, marriage, kids, etc... happened and my life was full - and crazy.

So nearly 20 years happened  in between the BBS and my discovery of blogging.  Don't get me wrong - I think I managed just fine "on my own" but there are times where I think blogging would have been a helpful outlet.

Take Kansas for instance.

Now - I know I have one wonderful Kansas yoga guru follower that might take issue with the fact that I hate that state.  I still do, I can't help it.  We lived there for two years... two years full of illness, marital discord, small children (some of whom were mine), working too many hours, a miscarriage, lack of friends, lack of money, and even me DREADING going to church - which has always been my save haven...  I won't go into detail because I don't want this blog to become another Mighty Joe Young moment...  but I hated it.  Every. Single. Day.  I have one or two people who I still love dearly that I'd love to see... except they live in Kansas and you couldn't get me back there for under a million bucks (okay, okay - $20,000 but that's as low as I go!). 

I think if I'd had a blog - and been able to VENT my frustrations on someone other than the ManOfTheHouse...  I think  there might have been a little more peace and harmony in our home...  or at least that's what I tell myself!

(with sincere apologies to ALL Kansas bloggers... I wish YOU had been my neighbor...)

I love Boy Scouting!

I didn't always love it... as a matter of fact there were many years as a Cub Scout Den Leader/Committee Chairperson/Cubmaster that I was downright crabby about the whole system.  Suffice it to say that we had a little experience with a well timed Cub Scout lesson and a thwarted kidnapping attempt - Ta-dah... instant improvement in my attitude... and my "fun factor"  NOW I love Scouting...

You know why???  huh huh huh?

Could it be because for a few days those two wonderful teenaged urchins of mine - are all their problem!!!  (okay... maybe so...)

Now that isn't saying I don't love the stinkers - I do...  I just think they need to appreciate things around here a little more.  Like plumbing.

I certainly work hard enough to get them off on these little adventures...  you know each of those boys has to have a huge list full  o' stuff packed into those wee little bags of theirs.  It's a good thing that ManOfTheHouse is a camping guru because I might not have known otherwise that it was possible to have a sleeping bag that squished down to the size of a loaf of bread.  If it were left up to me those boys would have probably left for their camping experience toting my rolling suitcase and wearing Converse.  I kid you not that a fellow camper of theirs brought an inflatable king sized air mattress a few years back - without M.O.T.H.'s input that could have been MY comfortable child in his own huge tent because nobody else fit - Phew, close call!

OOOooooh, learned a new lesson today - did you know that at 13 and 15 you are officially too old to have your mother ask if you'd packed a spare pair of BVD's???  Well, folks - here's MY take on that rule... if you're young enough that you have to ask your mother what BVD's are - then she can ask about yours any time.

So boys - enjoy your camping experience - learn lots of things about how to start a fire with just two sticks and a lightning strike...  and be grateful that your father was home to make sure you took the biodegradable bar soap instead of the pump soap I was thinking would be quite handy.  and Shhhh... just tell him that your tin-foil dinner worked out just fine!!!

I mean really - I think that folding a frozen pizza in half and wrapping it in aluminum foil counts as a tin foil dinner right???  It was that or hot pockets...  (seriously - with one being a budding vegetarian and the other being a hopeless carnivore we only have so many tin foil options guys!!!)  It's like Jack Sprat and his wife around here when those two eat!  Of course when I call them that they always insist that they are NOT the wife part of that equation.  Whatever - they won't starve... they packed plenty of snacks!

just two more nights without the big boys.... and ManOfTheHouse joins them tomorrow to teach the scout troop all about Orienteering... (you know, the compass junk... as if they don't all have GPS enabled gadgets now)... come Saturday night I think I'm going to deserve a night out - besides, my built-in babysitters will have returned and showered by then!  One thing's for certain - they'll have clean BVD's ready for them when they come home because doing laundry is SO much more fulfilling when the pile isn't growing faster than I can wash.  (I know, I know... they're piling it up out there and I am going to HATE Saturday Night!)

The Facebook Fifteen

Back in my college days I was warned of the ever dreaded "Freshman Fifteen" - apparently it's an inevitable part of moving away from home and eating dorm food...  which allows you to refill your plate multiple times and nobody EVER tells you that you can have dessert if you finish your heaping portion of three bean salad. (excuse me for a minute - the very THOUGHT of that just made me a little ill) 

I had terrible worries about having to purchase larger clothes by the end of my first semester (never mind that I started during a summer quarter) and never being asked out by any of the football players.

Hmmm... I actually don't think I ever DID date any football players after all...   I wonder... nope, probably too late to remedy that.  Does it count that we are constantly getting mail for someone who played football at my college because he happens to share a name with my husband?  It'll have to do - unless ManOfTheHouse wants to go back and play some college ball because I am OVER the dating scene - phew!

Where was I?  Oh yeah... the Freshman Fifteen...  those wonderful fifteen pounds that you cannot move into your sophomore year without.  I think they weigh you on the way out of the dorms.

The thing is?  I didn't gain them.  Maybe it's because I only lived in the dorms for 2 months before moving off campus (FAR far off campus) without a car.  Also might have helped that I was too poor to eat at the CougarEat and had to walk home for lunch (or spend a maximum of .75 in the vending machines) where I probably ate rice and tuna fish. 

Apparently I was warped from some lack of fulfillment in life because of this inability to pudgify myself.

Well, worry no more!  Facebook has saved the day!!!  You see, Facebook has reintroduced me to hundreds of friends I didn't know I couldn't live without.  It has become my main method of communicating with people who live down the street.  It has even provided me with mindless entertainment in the form of games where my competitive nature kicks into overdrive.  It's official, since joining facebook I have become a lazy son of a gun and gained my Facebook Fifteen.   Awwww, my little girl is finally growing up!!

Okay - so this is nothing I'm proud of...  promise me, if you see me on Facebook - poke me in the eye.  (I think there's an app for that!)  (I wish I were kidding about thinking that)  And if you see that I have been playing GAMES on Facebook???  Well, first assume that it was my kids doing the actual playing (because that might actually be true... except Sudoku - that's all me) and THEN poke me in the eye.

I think it would help if I placed my laptop 3 miles from my home and hid the car keys. 



I want to point out for the record that BLOGGING is not the cause of my Facebook Fifteen... because I am able to walk away from Facebook (or at least cut back drastically) whereas blogging is completely healthy and non-obsessive and I should not have to modify my blogging schedule in the least in order to once again be a svelte supermodel mom.  (Think Heidi Klum... but shorter... and brunette...  and... well, less "vavavoom")

Happy 4th of July

from the land of the free...

and the home of the brave...

hey, it looks brave to me...  some of those suckers STING!

All kidding aside - I love my country.  I love my freedoms.  Especially Freedom of Speech so that I can say whatever the heck I want to here on my blog and  nobody can come hunt me down even IF he happens to be an uber powerful son of a gun who is on a power-trip.  Hypothetically of course. 

Have a safe and wonderful holiday weekend... I'm posting early because I REALLY ought to pack. 

and for those who are concerned on my behalf that I just notified all these strangers that I'd be out of town - trust me...  it's been taken care of... and he's a mean evil wicked bad nasty vicious vile sinful and corrupt type of slobbery canine - maybe we'll feed him before we leave, or maybe we'll hope for some dinner to drop by :)