Tuesday, September 13, 2011

I'm steeling myself for the hate comments.

(Today is my guest post at Chocolate on my Cranium - which might make you still like me if I'm slamming your favorite book today...)




I read a lot of books...

Don't act shocked...

I mean... seriously - I put up a bunch of reviews over at that book blog I can't believe you don't all spend more time at!

Sometimes there's a book that just blows me away with its insight and tender moments.

This book?

SOOOOO did not do that!!!

Sorry, I know I'm begging for hate mail, but this book makes me want to punch orphans.
Okay, maybe it's not the book... maybe it's the people that read portions of this book from the pulpit in church.

No, I'm not kidding. We both wish I were, I know...

Question: Have you ever read anything ELSE by Robert Munsch? He's a hilarious author who writes funny stories about two kids who spend hours and days making fried chicken until they've perfected the recipe (and nearly burned off their mouths in the process). He writes about a young couple who leaves their barely old enough to see over the edge of the tub daughter at home while they run off to the hospital to have a baby and end up at the zoo instead and mistakenly bring home an alligator.

Do you think he expects us to take him seriously? So why, for the love of all that is good and holy, when he writes about a mother who is guilty of Breaking & Entering in order to lift her grown man of a son onto her lap and sing a song am I the only one stifling my laughter?

No, I actually don't find it touching... Sorry, I'm cynical like that... (I just re-read the end of the book after scoffing at it for the past 15 years... the LAST page is touching, but by then I'm too disturbed by the mental instability of the mother to shed a tear....)

My heart is NOT made of stone, stop saying that!

I read a book once about a grandpa who pushed his grandson in the stroller and helped him learn to walk and then their roles were reversed later in life... that was WAY sweet and I was mortified when I read it to a classroom full of children and ended up bawling... see, if my heart had been made of rock I would have made it through that day without mascara streaks on my face. (Can't remember the title to save my life, sorry)

I read another book about a baby who turned into all sorts of horrendous creatures before finally becoming human again...  and while that sounds just strange - that brought a tear or two (or twelve, I didn't count) because I have teenagers... and trust me... that book was as close to real life as it could get while being about a transmogrifying toddler. (Zagazoo)

See, totally human heart...  but seriously, I'm considering making it a condition of my living will that my children not be allowed to pick me up and rock me in the rocker... because THAT is perhaps the most disturbing image of all.  
 Now... if he were rocking an alligator from the zoo?  THAT might be a good story...


19 comments:

Jenny P. said...

No hate mail from me. That story has always creeped me out completely. the breaking and entering is what ends it... not cool, not sweet, not touching. JUST WEIRD AND CREEPY.

Trooper Thorn said...

I think any woman who marries the son in the story is doomed to be unhappy.

Megz said...

Ha. I am totally with you on this one. Such a weird way to express the love and role reversal. But I'm excited for the hate comments!!

S said...

Okay - I liked the book until you pointed out to me all the weird stuff. Now, it creeps me out as well. Thankfully, I have never quoted from it from the pulpit.

Bridget said...

ROFL!!! I was just asking my sister about this book (we only reference this book from "Friends") I have never read it she has She was telling me the gist of the book and All of a sudden I was like WHAT?!?! Climb in whose window and do what!?! And she was like yup rock you to sleep... I thought it was so stupid and creepy sounding! HA HA

G-Baby said...

"One Foot, and then The Other" by Tommy DePaola. It came out right before my father had his first stroke. I remember because I bought it for my children, and their grandpa played along. Who would learn to walk first, Grandpa or Ben?

Heather B said...

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I thought I was alone in the "can't stand this book so I must be a heartless person" universe. Now I feel all vindicated. You just made my day!

Gina said...

No, no, the creepiest part of that book is when the mom BREAKS INTO her grown son's house to rock him while he is sleeping.

The beginning? I sobbed like a little child, rocking my son. By the time I got to the end, my eyes were wide with horror and I wanted to never see that book again.

My kids, however, loved it. Blerg.

No hate mail here. I hate that book, too.

Z said...

Well, darn... no hate comments. Guess it's up to me. Hmm.

Hate Haikus:

Hate is what I feel
When I read this book and think
That people preach it.
***
I hate you having
To read trash like this so that
You can protect us.
***
I also quite hate
the black feeling of hating...
and other haters.

Whew. So much hate. Glad I got it out of my system.

kathy said...

I hear this one when I was young, so all I remember is that the mom loved her little kid. Apparently he grows up? And there are weird illustrations? It's funny how stuff doesn't seem disturbing when you're a kid, but then becomes very strange as an adult...

Kazzy said...

Now that you bring up all of these points I am totally creeped out. Really. Ew.

LC said...

So funny!

jillha said...

Well, in my opinion....I won't be sending you hate comments either...BUT I think the idea of her 'breaking in' to her son's home is not really what is happening but how her heart feels about her grown child. Wait until all your children leave home. You never stop loving them or caring about them and when my father passed away I would love to have held him as the last picture shows of him holding his mother. Sorry....I'm sentimental and I do see the more tender side of things more these days. Maybe it's my hormones...:D But I would NOT quote it over the pulpit. That's bit much.

Sher said...

Well, Derek for sure will joing you in your extreme dislike of this book -- I think you've discussed it before. I never was as bothered by it as you or Derek but I can assure you that I never wanted to fit it into a talk somehow!

just me said...

oh that book is one of my least favorites. i wouldn't even let anyone buy it for my kids when they were little. *shudder* i feel all ooky when i hear about the book. gives me the heebeejeebies!

so glad i'm not alone. :)

jessica said...

I hate that book! That last picture is beyond ridiculous. And the cover...really have you ever seen a toilet that big before?

Chelsi said...

Me too! Me too! I've always found it completely weird. I didn't even laugh at the end because I was still trying to process the creepy behavior of the mother. Unfortunately, my youngest discovered it at someone else's house, and she loves it. But, she's pretty little, so I don't hold it against her.

Caroline said...

I HATE that book. HATE.

Therefore, I like you MORE for hating it too.

Kathy said...

I also hate this book. I am the only one in my family that hates this book. Everyone thinks I am so heartless! But, I could have written this post, word for word. Love it! No wonder we spent time together when I lived in your neighborhood.