Tuesday, September 6, 2011

The not-so-complete guide to Utah parades...

ManOfTheHouse has been to his fair share of parades this year...
well, let's be honest - a "fair share" of parades is probably one apiece, which means that I (even though I've missed out on a few of the ventures) am well over my limit.

A good parade must have certain elements - some of which can be controlled... some of which...
well, hey, you can't blame the parade organizers when Mother Nature decides she doesn't like the blaring fire engine sirens and horses clomping down the street wearing diapers.
and though diapers may be funny... it is SO much better than the time we saw a marching band following a bunch of horses...

though in all honesty I have to admit that was pretty funny too.

and so my not-so-annual probably-won't-ever-happen-again awards for best parade entries are:

(drumroll please...)

First, let's introduce the contestants... and I apologize for not being able to make it to every small town rinky dink parade this year...  there are just only so many of me to go around... you are welcome to put your own awards in the comment box.

Cedar City - we visited this fair city on the 4th of July for their festivities... ended up standing in the middle of an intersection to scope out the parade action.
Escalante - ManOfTheHouse and a few of the older boys were in Escalante for a band gig over the Pioneer Day weekend...  because these boys are older they may or may not have run after candy... they're not telling me, so Escalante begins behind because they are automatically out of the running for "best candy"
St George - the parade was held alongside the County Fair... but not on a holiday or anything... that might explain a lot.
Hurricane - to begin the Labor Day holiday ManOfTheHouse took the girls out to the Peach Days parade...  (I had a valid excuse... really...)
Payson - and to finish the Labor Day holiday we all went down to the Onion Days celebration...  no, you didn't mis-read that... I did say Onion...  I think all the good produce was taken.


Best Candy?  This award has to go to Payson, thanks to their generous football players, 20th reunion floats, and many MANY others...  other parades (ahem, Hurricane and St George) also had plenty of candy... but my kids are not really fans of that salt water taffy stuff and apparently that was on sale in those cities.  Note to all parade cities - tossing dum-dums?  really dumb dumb... 97% of the time they will shatter upon contact with the ground and you are left with a very sticky mess in addition to crabby kids who just wanted something sweet for crying out loud!

Best Floats?  Sweet M debated this one for awhile, but eventually gave it up to Hurricane who apparently had a float come through with peach shaped little beds for the dogs... usually she is all about the princesses so those must have been some seriously impressive doggie beds! Worst? a large semi truck from a local grocery chain...  sure, the grocery carts with their good candy were great, but looking at the side of your very long truck for the 4 minutes it took to pass... not so thrilling. 

Strangest Float? This one has to go to Payson and the lovely Electrolysis business that had all of their  employees walk along with mounds of long curly hair glued to odd spots on their bodies...  it was very very very disturbing. (and I know... we both wish I'd taken my camera)

Best Weather?  We actually didn't get rained out at any of these this year...  from word of mouth we're going to hand this one off to Hurricane and their Peach Days...  but probably because I wasn't there to complain about the sun in my eyes or the wind.  I mean, it's Hurricane... isn't there always wind?

Noisiest?  Hands down - Cedar City.  I think every siren on every emergency vehicle from every fire station in a 63 mile radius was blaring for the entire parade...  my question is... what happens if someone's house catches fire during a parade?

Best Swag? Okay - the nice flowers I got in Cedar City were cool...  but my all-time summer favorite?

an onion shaped stress ball.  (from the Onion Days in case that wasn't obvious) I know... you're jealous too... 
and yes, my poor nephew had no idea I was making him re-enact a rather famous book-cover in this shot...  I promise he's not a sparkly vampire :)

Best Crowd? I'm going to have to give this one to Escalante - #1 because they pretty much tripled their actual population on the day of the parade and #2 because I haven't given them any awards yet... and I'm one of those "everybody wins something" type of people...  unless it's kindergarten graduation in which case can I just go home already???

Worst Crowd? for turn-out I'd have to say St. George... there was more candy than kids... which if it hadn't been 78% taffy would have been great... but for sheer annoyance I'm going with Cedar City... or maybe just that one obnoxious taller than me kid who kept sweeping up all the candy before my little 7 year old could get anywhere near it?

I might have parade rage...

okay, definitely, definitely I have an issue with parade rage...  don't get me started on how offended I am when I'm handed coupons for electrolysis, tanning, and micro-dermabrasion...  did they target me for a reason?

I just don't get it...


you see, I grew up in Colorado - and the only parade I remember was a Homecoming Parade that I had to ride in... 

and that was 20+ years ago... so I don't even remember anything except my silent prayers that the fake goal posts wouldn't fall down while we went down the street.


6 comments:

Barbaloot said...

I strongly dislike all parades but one. It's in Cokeville, WY---it's 15 minutes long, there is tons of candy and I always know a few people in it. The first time I went to a "real" parade I was overwhelmed at how long and boring it was! I will only attend Cokeville.

Kristina P. said...

I'm not a parade person either. I guess Sean Hannity would call me UnAmerican.

Saimi said...

I can't remember the last time I went to a parade...but when the boys were little we used to go...I guess I just answered my own question...

Teachinfourth said...

I gave up on parades a long time ago...

I just buy myself the candy I like.

Melanie Jacobson said...

We go to Disneyland almost weekly and I won't even go to the parades there.

But I did really like the Mardi Gras one growing up in Louisiana. Maybe they set the bar too high?

Megz said...

I am a parade lover and have made a tradition of attending at least 3 every summer. Great for people watching and keeps the kids stocked up on cheap candy for months. What's not to love?