Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Short Order Chef

This is not about my lack of height - though I'm sure that's LOTS of fun for everyone around me to laugh about.  So go ahead...  I still haven't grown and I still rather enjoy a good short joke.  Be warned though - if you feel it necessary to SHARE your short joke, please be sure it's not the one about being the last to know when it's raining, because that just doesn't make any sense at all!

This is about my kids.

My picky kids.

You see, I have a 15 year old son who has never really enjoyed meat.  or peanut butter.  or beans.  and the list goes on and on.  He now has decided he wants to be a vegetarian.  To be fair, he decided this MANY years ago and we said "no" because neither ManOfTheHouse nor I has any clue as to how to be a healthy vegetarian.  The more I learn - the more impossible this is... but the T-boy is now old enough to cook and therefore (apparently) to figure out his own sources of protein.  Thankfully he is rather fond of milk, cheese, and eggs so I think he'll survive. 

I also have a 13 year old son (W) who thinks that Scurvy is a life choice.  Fruits and Vegetables?  They add color to the plate and he can appreciate that... but the taste doesn't appeal.  He is able to choke down the requisite amount in order to be allowed to leave the table, but only just.  The thing keeping this kid alive is probably his braces - without which I'm pretty sure he would have OD'd on caramel at least a year ago.

And then there's the 10 year old son (Po)...  who has some short term memory loss.  We serve chicken marinara - he groans... We remind him nicely that he rather enjoyed this the last time - he disagrees... repeatedly.  The food grows cold while he rolls his eyes and asks "why do you only know how to cook GROSS food" - but eventually he breaks down and takes a bite.  "oh, THIS?  I like THIS, I was  thinking of that other gross stuff you make" 

Then come the girls - 8 year old (H) is pretty brave - but if something touches her plate that is not to her liking we have tears.  Big.  Crocodile.  Emotional Girl Tears.  I should be grateful that we have passed the phase of "my banana broke and is therefore rendered inedible" but I'm pretty sure this is just as bad. 

6 yr old (M) says she wants to be a "veterinarian" too when she grows up.  She is having a hard time differentiating between the two because they both love animals?  Of course, she loves chicken nuggets more than anything else on earth - so this may not go over well.  Perhaps she can just care for dogs and cats? 

Add to this the fact that I don't eat red meat or chocolate - which are ManOfTheHouse's favorite food groups.  Or perhaps the fact that I could use to slim down a few pounds whereas there are other people in the house who need to be gaining those pounds...

Don't ask me what's for dinner.  I'm thinking we should just buy season passes to a buffet.

15 comments:

Z said...

Do they OFFER season passes to a buffet? Dang. I am SOOO there.

Garden of Egan said...

I don't mock short people. I see eye to eye with them.

As for the eating dysfunction at your house, you would exhaust me all!

I would never be a vegetarian. I didn't spend all these millions of years to get to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

Also my food poops on your sons food. Tell him I said that.

T said...

Tauna - you are CRACKING me up... I'll show him the comment when he wakes up. You've gotta sleep more when you're stepping down the food chain I guess. Or maybe it's the natural side affect of your ages ending in "teen"

Teachinfourth said...

I remember only wanting to eat bread my entire childhood. Vegetables were a necessary evil…

Jen T said...

So funny. My 4 always ask about 4 o'clock, What's for dinner? Then I get 4 different reactions, "gross!" "Yum!" "Can I make my own dinner?" or "Do I like that?" To which I always reply, yes, you like it. Trust me.

Holly said...

OH! SO much of this sounds familiar... and NOT JUST the SHORT stuff... ;p

Good luck getting through the next decade...

Lisa said...

Oh my gosh~scurvy as a life choice? Hysterical! And emotional girl tears? Once again, hysterical! I got nothin' else to say. Just so funny.

Kristina P. said...

I had no idea that 15 year-old boys even knew what vegetarianism is!

Barbaloot said...

No red meat? No peanut butter? No chocolate? No fruits and vegetables? How do you keep track of it all?

For the record, all those foods are my favorite things. If we ever meet we should probly go to a restaurant with LOTS of options:)

Saimi said...

Hahaha!! I am so glad I stopped by! Your post had me cracking up all the way down to your six year old 'veterinarian'

I think your right, season passes to a buffet is the way to go!

Megz said...

Why do kids have such short term memories on what they like? I am pretty sure all my kids tolerated some sort of veggies pureed in Gerber jars....
And Chuckarama has got a little bit of something for everyone. Including dessert. We'll meet you there!

Cluttered Brain said...

Yes, I think you might have my kids over there.
My 10 year old is the SAME way...Same with the 8 year old...

"Why do you only cook gross food?"
then they eat it...
"oh NOT this food, the other spaghetti I don't like..."

*sigh*

I think THEY need to cook more...

Becky said...

Oh, geez. Don't even get me started on the food issues that plague my own little darlings. It's to the point that I gulp down dinner in 2.3 minutes so I can get away from both the table and my overwhelming urge to nag the kids until their ears bleed.

Whoever came up with family meal time needs to be beaten with a crowbar.

(Good thing I'm not a dramatic girl, huh?)

Heather B said...

Okay, when I mentioned to Adam that you don't eat chocolate, his response was, "What? Is she alright in the head?" Just thought I'd share that little teenage insight with you. This was a great post; very funny, and one which most moms of many children can relate to. Buffet it is--especially in the heat of summer!

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