Sunday, May 30, 2010

The Insanity that we call a Weekend...

so...  it was a long weekend... and I'm not fully recovered yet...  and I will eventually put up a bunch of photos of other awesome moments - but for now (since I just woke from a nice relaxing Sunday nap) I will focus on things involving pillows and blankets...

Specifically, my Cozy...  although Kristina still isn't convinced of its superiority... 

She is however convinced that I am a complete stalker as we literally attacked her and wrapped her in the Cozy Goodness...  perhaps if we'd had a few more minutes she would have appreciated its superior softness?

And then - some good people over at DownLite provided each and every one of the conference attendees with a little travel pillow.  I can attest to its perfect firmness because I just slept a solid 3 hours on the couch using it!
There I am - with some new friends - showing off the pillows at the Girls' Night Out...  the poor men at the conference (all 3 of them) had no chance!  And yes, before you ask - I WAS the shortest person at the conference...  no surprise there!!!

Learned Lots - Laughed Lots - and frankly, my brain is full...  will I make a lot of changes to my blogging?  I'm not sure...  I think I had a few teenage insecurity moments (I'm not interesting/pretty/tall/popular/determined enough) but it was a good weekend and maybe a few changes are in store...  just watch :) 

Friday, May 28, 2010

guess where I am...

I am seriously sitting in a conference hall full of other crazy people (just like me) who decided to take a risk and attend the Casual Bloggers Conference. Lest you think it is just me I must tell you that there are well over 200 other people here (yes, almost all women, don't judge us)

I would provide photographic evidence... but of course the camera cord is over in my hotel room - and I'm not willing to miss out on a minute of this fun and insane networking/grooving/ chatting time just to show you a picture or two! (check back soon though - I'll be more willing to share once I've gotten some sleep maybe?)

Saturday, May 22, 2010

A funny thing happened on my way to the mechanics... A.K.A. Confession Time

Remember not too long ago when I went out to lunch with a few of my best bloggy buds - had a little salad and a lot of laughs... remember that???

Whatever - it was fun, and if you weren't one of those that was able to come you missed out (maybe next time).
What I'm getting at is that following that little meet-up I popped by Tauna's blog and she had the Nicest things to say... the one that had me laughing was "watch out Pantene commercials cuz here she comes" - in regards to my luscious head of hair... Ooops, now she has outed me because I feel like a liar when I don't tell the truth (and because she'll certainly find out by this weekend!)

So, here's photographic evidence of the Pantene commercial worthy hair... well, in the first photo at least!
The other two photos show you the naked truth... It's not mine... I don't think I could STAND my hair being that long in this 90 degree weather!!! (and for the record - the Teenaged T snapped the photos with my new-ish camera... too impatient... these teens can't even let auto-focus do its job!)

The clip-in hair is affectionately referred to as my "Phony-tail" and I just pull back my own hair into a tiny little barely can get it into pony tail before clipping on the magic. It's great for bad hair days or a spy mission perhaps?

So what does this all have to do with my mechanic? Well, let me tell you - I was a little bit late (read as illegally late) in getting my car inspected and registered... and since my regular car guy decided not to call me back I ended up at the local Grease Monkey... which just happens to be next to a salon...

So all those blondish highlights? Yeah, this time it's not just me playing with my temporary highlight tubes... this time they're staying! Makes it a little hard to pull off the Phony-tail with any modicum of believability - but I walked out of there feeling 20 pounds lighter and 5 years younger. "Sassy" even...

Watch out world - here I come... and who knows, I could have long hair or short... depending on the day :)

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

F.Y.I. - it is impossible to be Brave and Naked at the same time.

true story.

and I suppose you want to know WHY I know this with such surety?

Well, turns out I was in a hurry to get off to the library this morning and I needed to take a QUICK shower... 5 minute variety - luckily my morning walk had been outdoors rather than inside so the sweat factor was greatly reduced.

I flipped on the water (to VERY hot mind you) and... well, "disrobed"... but try not to dwell on that part so much. I began to stick one leg past the curtain when I spied what looked like fruit flies inside the tub. Leg OUT.

I'm still calm though - really, fruit flies aren't that big a deal right? Only what the holy heymana are they doing in my shower? Is it the brown sugar body scrub??? I'm thinking at this point that I can quickly rinse the whole shower area out and cut down to a 3 minute shower - but this is still not a deal breaker. Gross yes, but not a deal breaker.

As I move the shower curtain aside again I grab a closer look. These are not fruit flies... these are itty bitty tiny baby spiders. I would tell you there were tons of them... but "tons" might be an exaggeration... let's just say - more than 7...

Still pretty calm, although I'm realizing that instead of a quick spray down I'm going to have to SCRUB before allowing myself to be in the shower.

Before I get too much of a chance to decide how late I will be to the library I notice that my loofah has fallen from its spot and is laying on the bottom of the tub.

(side note - I hereby vow that I will never again use a loofah in the shower again... apologies to the entire loofah industry... but it just isn't going to happen!)

Under the loofah? Yep - the biggest, most monstrous mama spider you've seen since Harry Potter 2. (who me, exaggerate?)

Am I thinking of rescuing my morning shower?

Am I considering running from the house in a royal screaming fit?

Am I still Naked? ummm, yeah - and this is where I contend that you cannot be Naked and Brave... I don't care how many weird stories you can relate about ancient wars fought sans clothing or stage productions with no costume budget necessary... I just don't think it's possible!

The rest of my morning happened in the following order:

1 - put on robe.
2 - deep breath.
3 - check to make sure spider has not moved... because we all know that if you continue looking at it a spider or bug will not move. Proven fact.
4 - text ManOfTheHouse that he really must call me as soon as his important meeting is over.
5 - freak out a little more.
6 - phone call to Neighbor of the Year (hmmm... is NOTY an okay acronym?) I TOLD her to just tell me to put on my big girl pants and kill the thing... but it didn't work...
7 - still talking on the phone as she sympathizes with (and probably laughs at) me - I finally realize that I cannot squish the monstrous creature... but I have foaming bath cleanser close at hand.
8 - the spider does not LIKE foaming bath cleanser... but it's now running frantically trying to escape from the tub. boy am I glad that I am now at least partially clothed because otherwise I might have cried.
9 - I realize that I also have Drano Gel near at hand
10 - Drano Gel does the trick! Now, I can't say that Drano Gel alone is the answer to all of your arachnid issues... perhaps it was the toxic fumes caused by combining the Drano Gel and Lysol Foaming Bath Cleanser? Whatever - big hairy creature from the depths of Albuquerque be gone - *cough* - and I'd better get out of the bathroom as well.
11 - I realize that I am now 30 minutes LATE and I also know full well that there is NO WAY I can get in the shower.
12 - I decide it is a hat day.

as for the rest of my day? a mischievous custodian places a rubber cockroach amongst the boxes I am moving around the library for the upcoming book fair. I recognize it as fake, but still can't touch it. as I am doing increasingly active tasks I realize that I am REALLY needing a shower still!

Neighbor of the Year did call to make sure I was still alive... and to tell me that her four year old daughter had offered to come kill the spider for me. The same daughter who was not so sure she could handle preschool that day. Yep - whatever, I'd be embarrassed except I know for a surety that she had the added benefit of wearing clothing.

So that's it... well, except for the fact that poor M.O.T.H. had to come home and thoroughly scrub the entire bathroom and throw away the loofahs, poufs, and whatever else might secretly be housing anything with more than 0 legs.

Maybe I will shower before bed? M.O.T.H. certainly hopes so since I have done my 3.5 mile walk, lifted MANY boxes for the book fair, cleaned out most of my office, and done a 30 minute spin class... Here's hoping I run into nobody I know while running off to buy gel for boy T's crazy hair.



OH! and aren't you glad I didn't put any pictures with this post... of spiders... or naked people...

Thursday, May 13, 2010

I don't think this is what they mean by "spiritual high"

The church I belong to has a lot of buildings. Don't ask me how many... I really couldn't fathom a guess, just trust me when I say it's a lot. There are meetinghouses, office buildings, and most importantly, temples.

Growing up I always wanted a HUGE house... my kids would love it if we had a HUGE house... but the older I got and the more responsibility I had... the smaller a house I was content with. Seriously, if I can't clean the whole thing from top to bottom in half a day or less... it's obviously WAY too big.

So, how does the church manage this? Well, that's where the members come in! Hey, it's our building after all, we should do our part. The family and I have helped out a number of times cleaning the windows and mirrors, vacuuming, dusting, polishing at the meetinghouse. There are usually a few grumbles as we get started - but we have a good time. Besides, we bribe them with ice cream afterward... that always helps!

ManOfTheHouse and I got the opportunity to go and help out at the Temple last night. Now, besides being a beautiful building and incredibly peaceful - that is one of the cleanest places on earth... and I got to dust. Imagine me going from surface to surface just looking for a speck of dust... almost HOPING to be able to find some. At one point I resorted to rolling the edge of my rag really small and dusting in-between some fancy trellis work on the edge of a wooden table... thinking that at least I was making some difference :)

I had two cleaners to work with - Alcohol (which I did the mirrors and glass topped tables with - because even in the temple fingerprints happen) and Wood Polish (for the wood and brass... hey, that's what they told me to do, I'm not a cleaning expert - just ask M.O.T.H.)

My problem... the two rags covered in cleaner looked identical. I tried to keep them separate and eventually learned to do this but for the first 20 minutes or so I had to distinguish between the two (you DON'T want polish on the mirrors) by giving the cleaning rags a quick sniff.

A spiritual high? I think mine was the old fashioned kind of high... but no worries, it wore off by 1 a.m. and I finally got some sleep :)

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

The many reasons to love field trips...

My work hours are winding down... so I've been volunteering a lot more.

Went with M a few weeks ago to the farm, smelled a little "fresh country air" or at least that's what they called it. I can't put some of the OTHER things I heard it called... this is a family friendly blog!

Today I got to go with H to the Rec Center (yes, the one where April works... but I didn't get to see her!) and go swimming. I didn't actually go swimming, I was pretty much a dud but since I had barely enough time to get back to work we're going to pretend it was all about that and NOT about the fact that my board shorts were cuter last year when I was a few pounds lighter. Just go with it.

Field Trip Lessons Learned:

1 - If possible, do not ride the bus. The noise created on the bus will seem minimal compared to the noise at an indoor swimming pool with 200+ small persons... but infinitely more annoying, especially if the kids sing "wheels on the bus" or the aptly titled "I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves"

2 - When returning to the bus - check that all of your assigned kids have their towels... and their underwear (preferable ON themselves) and their suits in their bags... Then check again. And again. And then, when it turns out that one of the children DID actually leave something behind (I didn't know she had brought a life vest) forget about the pool rules and RUN because they might just leave you behind unless you get back to that bus. They will certainly take your seats...

3 - Check your child's lunch before leaving on the field trip. It is possible that she may not have packed anything of nutritional value - forgetting of course that a Hostess Cupcake and Capri Sun do not a lunch make. Be sure to bring $... and be glad when your prayers are answered and the snack bar takes VISA.

4 - Speaking of the Snack Bar. Never NEVER order a spicy chicken sandwich that comes in a plastic wrapper... it's just wrong.

5 - Again with the snack bar? Be sure to consult the lame-lunch-packing-daughter about your purchases prior to running the credit card... and then be glad that you have a few emergency quarters so that she can get an ice cream sandwich... because really - was the Hot Dog a nutritious choice either???

6 - Oh Crud... and the last one... (which I JUST remembered) try not to leave a damp swimsuit and towel wrapped up in a backpack to cook all day in a warm car.

gotta go! got some laundry to do... quick!

Monday, May 10, 2010

fastest blog post EVER

I'm just popping in for two minutes because I wanted to show that my bloggy friends are SO much more important than anyone...


WHY?

Because THIS is the first place I went to on my new laptop... before facebook even!!!

Saturday, May 8, 2010

I'd like to thank the Academy...

Turns out I'll never be nominated for an Oscar... or an Emmy... or mother of the year...

Wanna know why???

Okay - I'll tell you, but it's a long story :)

Once upon a time we had a son... one of three... actually, technically he is three of three, being third and all... but that gives away too much information for those of you who know us in real life :) oh well, it's all true - he can't deny it.

Recently this son (and for the purposes of THIS story we are referring to him as PIMB - that's Pain in my buttocks... which isn't as cute as Pain in my posterior... butt* that acronym just didn't look good.), so this son has been... well... ten. That's right, I'm convincing myself that this is all normal ten year old behavior. All ten year olds blame a large hole in their jeans on "somebody" who came into their room and ripped their jeans - right? Apparently this same "somebody" also likes to take his homework and move it from one side of the table to the other and misplace his jacket and shoes... daily. Just this morning "somebody" did "something" which caused him to have a stiff neck upon waking.

This is not NEW behavior unfortunately... so maybe it's not ALL about being ten. Some years ago he was being 6 instead. Apparently all six year olds have a conniption fit every time macaroni and cheese is not made to their specifications. Each time Mac and Cheese was served at our house he would inspect it carefully and proclaim whether or not there were still little tiny cheese lumps in it. These were known as RED DOTS. Pretty soon it became impossible to make Mac and Cheese to his satisfaction... every - single - batch - had red dots in it... and try as I might I could not see them. I became concerned that my son needed his eyes checked... or that perhaps next we would be seeing little green men?

My solution??? (and the thing that knocked me out of the running for Mom of the Year - permanently) I made a wonderfully perfect batch of Macaroni and Cheese, inspected it (no joke) with a magnifying glass to ensure that there was no chance of red dots... and then proceeded...


to....


dip a toothpick...


into the red food coloring...


and put HUGE red dots on his plate of Mac and Cheese.


... then I called the kids up for lunch. The other kids were pretty tired of his constant complaint and were thus more than happy to play along - lunch went just as it always did. PIMB says there are red dots, we say we don't see any, and we go on with lunch...

Only it didn't last very long because we're all dying of laughter...


You know what though, he didn't complain about those silly red dots anymore. Maybe I should sneak into his room tonight and rip holes in his pants, put his homework under his notebook, hide his shoes and jacket, and tilt his head sideways on his pillow to make it stiff.


Maybe not.


This year the Academy should nominate me for my restraint... because trust me, it ain't easy!


Happy Mother's Day to all the other real moms out there who aren't getting a nomination this year either :)




and for the record - although my story makes it SOUND like all we ever ate was Mac and Cheese - I do also provide my children with healthy meals such as frozen fish fingers, tuna on crackers, and chicken nuggets.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Did someone call for a Handy Man???

I got to thinking the other day... which in and of itself might be dangerous - but hear me out...

I've been known to call a Handy Man from time to time... for minor things that we probably COULD have done on our own, but really didn't have the time or the tools for... much easier to just make a phone call and have it done with right? One of them built shelves into my closet because that turned out infinitely cheaper than purchasing and assembling one of those crazy organizer units that never fits right... best $ we ever spent. Could M.O.T.H. have done it? Probably. WOULD M.O.T.H. have ever gotten around to it???? hmmm... maybe, but not in a livable time frame. You see... he has this thing (a job) that keeps him pretty busy and so sometimes it's worth just calling in the big guns and getting the job done.

So I'm thinking... I'm kinda handy - but not really... I'm actually what you would call crafty. Not in that Wile E. Coyote type of way though - more in a Martha Stewart wannabe way. Don't get me wrong - I'm not about to get my own show on HGTV or be arrested for insider trading - I just enjoy my crafts and I have to say I'm at least halfway decent at them.

So since there are HandyMen - why not a female version... you know, like a "CraftyMa'am"???? I could do almost anything...

Can I sew? Yep - nobody will want me to create their wedding dress (I actually designed my own though) but I can whip up a mean Halloween costume or a fun tote bag in a matter of hours!

Do I cook? Well - don't ask my kids, they're liars - I happen to be a decent cook... but the truth is that I can make an amazing cake in just about any design you want. Wedding cakes? yeah - that's not really my gig (too much pressure!) but anything shy of that I got!

Scrapbooker? That's me... and not just your average stuff - I actually enjoy designing my own embellishments for each page.

Decorating? I love to decorate - our upstairs bathroom is on its third major color scheme since moving in here 8 years ago... and I think I have a good plan for the next one already!

Hmmmmm... Now to figure out a way to put an ad in the paper that won't have everyone laughing me out of the county (or calling the cops...)

Is it OBVIOUS that I am about to be out of a job??? Is it OBVIOUS that this is freaking me out just a tad???

Is it OBVIOUS that I'm just too lazy to actually upload all my ironman pictures so that I can tell you about all the fun we had that day???

-T (the crafty ma'am... which is in no way to be confused with a sneaky madam)

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Check it Out!

Run on over to oneshetwoshe.com and see who's guest posting!

Does that make me a pro-blogger??? (okay, probably not...)

If you popped over HERE from Or So She Says... scroll on down and see the last few posts... stay as long as you like, just be sure to say "hi", because I'm a little bit of a comment freak :)