Things that Drive ManOfTheHouse crazy...

hey, he's out of town - doing the annual manliness camp.  Only this year they're not hiking 50 miles with backpacks and roughing it...  they're staying in the family cabin.  I'm not laughing though - they're fixing it all up so it will be a more comfortable place when we go up there.  Besides, there will be plenty of laughing at him throughout the post I don't want to start too early.

I probably SHOULD have gotten his permission to post this... but in the grand scheme of things it won't matter much right?  He'll be MUCH more upset when he comes home and finds out I have reduced the amount of closet space allotted to his shoes.  This will seem like a petty annoyance in comparison :)

#1 - CATS - the musical.  I have now seen it three times.  He went with me once.  The first - High School...  I didn't know him then so he is off the hook.  The second - a few years ago, his company took a bunch of us to CATS.  We suffered through it together.  The third - about 4 hours ago.  Granted he IS at the cabin, but he really did not want to go... which begs the question why he sprung for season tickets this year at all?  I took H - who (being 8 and not much of a theatre critic) enjoyed herself immensely.  I even have little low res photos of her with the old cat Deuteronomy and some random boy cat who was wandering the aisle during intermission.  Do you know what she had to SAY about these famous encounters?  Apparently those costumes that they dance in nightly in our hot desert weather... don't get washed often enough to please her... she was practically plugging her nose!  Ah well, ManOfTheHouse DID go to Tarzan with me (twice) and we enjoyed it both times.   Too bad he wasn't with me today since the actor who plays Tarzan was sitting a few rows in front of us for CATS.  He's just not quite as hot in street clothes though.

#2 - "The Wind Beneath My Wings" - or maybe it's all of that Beaches movie... I don't know.  I just know he will mock anyone who has ever sung that song until they are ashamed and want to remove their own vocal cords with a wooden spoon.  He's persistent like that... it's part of his charm.

#3 - Snot.  Seriously, if one of the kids had a runny nose he'd just gross out.  I think he almost lost his lunch once in the store witnessing a mother wiping her kids' nose with her shirt (okay, that is pretty gross admittedly).  This worked out nicely for me... I was the designated nose wiper when the kids were young - he was the designated puke cleaner.  I am SURE I got the better end of that deal... especially since they are all old enough to wipe their own noses now... but puke goes on and on...

#4 - Kids signing the words to Primary Songs.  Don't ask... I'm not personally annoyed by this one so I don't really get it.  I do know though that someday when he's really driven me up the wall I am going to dress up like a cat and learn all the sign language for Wind Beneath My Wings...  with a runny nose.

and that's about it...  we're not making this personal - I'm sure there is a wealth of things about ME that bug him, but this isn't his blog - if he wants to share those things he will have to be just a tad more techno-savvy and learn how to log into my laptop.  (hehe, I love passwords that lock my whole family out!)

AND - since it IS Friday - and I AM still playing along with the Fight the Scale Friday folks... I will proudly announce that I am currently at Ideal Weight plus 15.  "proudly" might be pushing it actually...  I am torn between pride and shame because well... pride is of the devil and all... oh and, I hate every ounce of those fifteen pounds - but I was amazingly disciplined and worked out daily.  I don't know exactly what the week's total loss was - but let's just go with 4 pounds k?  because I like the number 4.  (next week we'll hope for 2...  and I'll pay attention this time!)

Memory is the first to go

This was the picture I posted yesterday...

because I couldn't find this picture...

In all fairness I'd forgotten that NONE of us was in color.  My kids are pretty sure that the entire world was black and white back then.
I'd also forgotten that while I was in fact eating, it wasn't dirt... it was frosted flakes.
Somehow I mixed up where Chad and Michelle were sitting... hey, not so bad for something that happened 36 or so years ago right?  (it had even been a year or more since I'd seen this picture... give a girl a break!)
I also managed to miss one teensy tiny detail.  Tiana wasn't even born...  so kinda pointless to include this picture to tell you a story about her.

See, my version was better after all!

Impatient Much? (oh, and the winner of the give-away...)

When I was TINY - as in like 2 years old tiny... not just skinny tiny...  we lived in California.  You see, I was a "Navy Brat".  I don't remember much of it because my Dad left the Navy before I grew a memory - and then I was just a Brat.

As a Navy family we relied on other Navy families for support, friendship, etc...  and some of these friendships endured - my parents STILL go on vacations with some of my Dad's old Navy Buddies.   We were practically RAISED with a few of these other Navy families because all of our menfolk were off doing whatever it was they were doing.  Hey, it was 1973... they certainly didn't tell us much about what they were doing.  When we ASKED what they did there years later my Dad's buddy "Moose"  told me they hid behind bushes and shot at girl scouts.  I think he was drunk.  He certainly didn't think I believed him.  I was afraid of going to Brownie Scouts when I got to be old enough... I quit without even selling a single box of cookies.

Anywho - as a young child I hung out with these other kids -  Michelle, Tiana, Katie,Chad, and of course my sister. I had a great picture of us all that I was going to share... but I can't find it to save my life.  Oh well, saves me having to make excuses for why I looked like a filthy faced boy dressed by a drunken 3rd grader.

Just for you, I recreated it from memory... and yes, I think I WAS the only one in color (it was 1973 after all...)  Really, do you ever look at anyone besides yourself in a group photo?  (this is why it's IMPOSSIBLE to get a group of women to agree on a photo of them)

Seriously, it IS that bad.  but in a funny way that I can totally pass the blame off on my parents so I was willing to endure the shame of looking like I eat dirt.

Where was I going with this?  Patience... oh yeah... So this story is actually about cute Tiana - without the picture you can't see what a cute little thing she was.  She's now a cute mom and successful whatever she does with her life (hmmm... see how much research goes into my posts - that's just how I roll).  Tiana may not remember this but when she was just a wee young thing she had some patience issues...  serious patience issues.  You know that saying "Patience is a Virtue"?  Whatever, I think if she'd been old and witty enough she would have quickly retorted that Patience is actually just a waste of time.

Tiana's parents were my "uncle and aunt" - I think I was at least ten before I figured out they weren't REALLY... hey, when you come from a huge Mormon family it's hard to tell the difference.  Since we were so close we visited them in California even after we'd moved to Colorado.  On one of these visits Tiana demonstrated her patience...

Remember "paint with water" books?  You tear out one page and use a wet brush to move the color (already on the page in concentrated little lines and dots) into the rest of the picture.  Not big on creativity, but they kept us busy. 

Yeah, those...

Apparently that just took too long.

and THIS is faster.

and now folks - because I've tested YOUR patience a bit too long - the winner of the CSI stores giveaway... 

Congrats to Jen T!  Random.org picked her as our winner.  I had Random.org do it because I just can't stand the guilty feeling of not giving people what they really want.  Perhaps if I could manage to win the lottery (without actually purchasing a ticket) this year I will be able to do an Oprah-esque giveaway where everyone wins.  Until that happy day - congratulate Jen and look forward to her posting about her shopping trip :)  Do I have your e-mail Jen???  I'll check...  I'll send it off to CSN a.s.a.p. so you can enjoy your winnings! 

**barely related (and sad) but sometimes I have to share... While bugging my Dad about trying to find that picture for me I found out that Moose's sweet daughter was killed last weekend in a car crash.  If you can spare a moment - say a prayer for them... for their peace... they are struggling and wanting to forgive the drunk driver who took so much away from them.  Thanks.  **

Initially Speaking

My life can be broken down pretty simply:

O.C.D. moments - I don't have enough Obsessive Compulsive Disorder moments when cleaning my house. These are the moments in life when perfect just isn't good enough. They usually segue quickly into PMHOAC (pulling my hair out and crying) moments.

T.M.I. moments - Over-sharing, or Too Much Information causes these.  You know, those moments that make you wish there was a scrubbing bubbles for the brain? I'd say about 1/3 of high school fits in there... MANY conversations... and yes, probably a few of your blog posts... and mine.

N.M.P. moments - Things I can't do anything about - or Not My Problem moments.  It's not always as snarky as it sounds (though it sometimes is JUST what it sounds like)... it's the times when I have to just admit that I'm not all powerful.  I can do nothing when the power goes out... even if it's in the middle of my son's hard fought attempt to finally beat the boss on the latest video game.  Sometimes these moments are frustrating for those around me, but I've found it very helpful to know when it's time to allow a higher power to deal with something I can't.

W.T.H. moments - What the Heck moments are sometimes confused with TMI moments - but they are not  the same thing at all!  WTH moments can include being amazed at the tenderness of a child or admiring beautiful scenery... Generally these are good appreciating the world around me moments.

S.O.S.O. moments - Same Old Same Old Moments - the rest of it...  the "haven't I done this a million times already" moments.  Laundry, Dishes, Arguing with my 10 year old about his school work...  It would be nice to have fewer of these, but they seem to be a necessary evil.

cha, cha, cha, change of plans

I had some wonderful intentions.  You know what they say about intentions and that paved road to H E double hockey sticks right... well, I've been spreadin' asphalt with the best of 'em  folks.

You see...  I was all ready to actually post a VLOG up here - that's right, I was going to strip off the Hepburn Mask once and for all - well, sorta... turns out my first attempt at filming, because I forgot that I'm not THAT short was actually a chin down version of me...  I'd never noticed how much I use my hands.  I mean, I KNOW that I talk with my hands - but they were flyin' people!  I had a good laugh at myself and was STILL going to post it, then I filmed a short 5 second follow up clip after setting the camera on a stack of books.

Now, I have to tell you that I spent last school year teaching kids all about video editing and uploading.

Why did I tell you that?  Well, because now I cannot get the stupid video to upload properly - the audio just isn't nearly as funny without my decapitated self - so I'm not going to share it.

One Cluttered Brain came to the rescue though and sent me this:

and a list of questions to answer...

of course, the award has its own question - Am I Good, Bad, Or Both.  That's a loaded question - and too many options.  That all depends on what we're talking about.  I'm bad at poker.  I'm good at decorating cakes.

The REAL questions?

What is the silliest prank you've ever pulled on someone?  You know, growing up my dad loved to prop a cup 1/2 full of water above the slightly ajar door so that when someone pushed it open it would spill on them.  That always drove me nuts.  Hmmm... I've got three little girls doing a sleepover in the basement right now...  you think I could lure them away from the basement door for a few minutes?

If you could go on a trip anywhere (in the world, but out of the country) where would it be?  Don't ask why - I don't know, but I've always wanted to visit Australia.  Not the outback part really (except maybe from the nice air-conditioned tour bus) but the Sydney opera house and all that jazz.  I would insist on seeing at least one kangaroo before leaving because I am still rather miffed about there being no freakin' flamingoes in Florida.  Gators we saw... but not one single Flamingo.  Don't get me started on the shortage of key lime pie!

Who plays an influential role in my life?  Hey, nobody warned me this was going to be one of those sappy surveys!  Whatever - my parents, my inlaws, ecclesiastical leaders, Lindsay Lohan.  (hey, they not all POSITIVE influences)

Are you okay with your significant other being friends with their "ex"? I'm pretty sure that ManOfTheHouse has only ever loved me.  He just didn't always know that.  If my sister-in-laws happen to drop by and know differently, they are welcome to share...  but based on the reaction we got when running into a former date (not girlfriend, just date) at the mall - I really wouldn't care if they were facebook friends.  Now... going out to lunch and yukking it up friends - nope.

Favorite Candle Scent?  Easy - sugar cookie.  (unless I'm dieting - in which case nobody better burn any food scented candles because I might eat them.)


Next Movie I am Excited About Seeing?  It's official - we are the last people on earth to go see Eclipse.  Actually though - I still haven't seen Sherlock Holmes (I know - we're just not big into paying a hundred bucks to take the family to the theatre guys!) and I might be more excited about seeing that one...  it's a toss up!

If there were one word that you could ban from all usage - to be obliterated from the dictionary and never again uttered or written - what would it be?  Here's me, being bad with rules again - I'm picking a phrase - specifically "no offense, but..."  because let's be honest - any words that come after that have been carefully chosen to offend me but let the speaker say them anyway.   There is no carte blanche of offense people - either admit that you're being rude or manage to keep it to yourself.

Do you have any relatives in jail?  Yep, but that isn't my story to tell.  Love ya Jas.

What Crazy Fads were popular when you were a teenager?  so many stupid black jelly bracelets that your skin couldn't breathe intertwined with one big long snaky metal bracelet that I had to twist onto my arm each morning.  hair so high in the air that my yearbook picture couldn't contain it all.  and CDs were brand spankin' new - I remember getting my first CD... The Cure... which explains the hair and the bracelets doesn't it?  I'm just now struck with the similarity of Robert Smith and Edward... pasty white complexion... weird...

Have you ever been mentioned in the newspaper of been on TV?  Yes to both...  a few times - quick write ups for the Children's Museum... Interview when I was a teenager, even though they ended up cutting the interview and showing a 7 second clip of my hair (please tell me that's been destroyed!)... and a interview a few years ago when some idiot tried to kidnap my boys.  (long story... they were smart and were just fine)

Holy cats that is a lot of info in a short time...  do you feel closer to me now? 

I'd pass on the award - but you know how I feel about rules like that.  If you WANT to answer these questions, then you can tell everyone I gave you the award - I'll never say differently - even if they threaten me with my hair video.

The Unvarnished Un-nipped Truth

A few of you, my loyal readers, have actually met me in person.  Some of us have had lunch and witness my eating habits (which often include dropping things on the ground), some of you are related by blood or marriage and have probably witnessed more of my habits than you would have liked.

Some of those habits have gotten me into trouble:
*My habit of saying it like it is?  Lots of trouble over the years... I'm just hoping that as I get older and allow the grey to creep into my hair that people will start thinking of it as "quaint" instead of rude.
*My habit of sticking out my tongue when I'm concentrating?  Okay, so I've bitten it a time or two... but not much trouble.  As far as habits go I don't much worry about that one.
*My habit of wanting to stay indoors and eat eat eat rather than getting out and exercising - this one has caused the BIG trouble.

It's true folks.  I pretended for years - when I met ManOfTheHouse I was outdoors (in a parking lot I believe) and apparently he took this to mean that I was "outdoorsy".  We hiked, we drove his family's four-wheelers, we played tennis (once... never again), I may have even let him believe that I WAS an outdoorsy type of person.

I'm no princess - I can camp.  I even enjoy camping sometimes... like when ManOfTheHouse is 100% in charge of the packing, set up, cooking, clean up, and putting away all of the junk that we had to haul out to the outdoors in order to make it livable for 24 hours.

Is this grounds for an annulment?  Yeah, we've been married 16 1/2 years and we have 5 kids... little late for an annulment I think...  but I'm coming out of the closet (or is it going in?) as an absolute INDOOR person.  I don't like bugs - they freak me out.  I don't like dirt - it's... dirty.  I don't like trees, grass, wind, animals, flowers - they all make me sneeze.  I don't like sleeping on rocks - and let's face it, unless you camp in your backyard, there is going to be a rock directly under your hip every time. Last but not least I don't like sweaty people - and that tent fabric my friends is a sure fire recipe for sweaty people.

But it has to change... I need to learn to LOVE exercise (and not that silly spin-that leaves bruises of unmentionable proportions) and I need to learn to LOVE sweat apparently.  I plan on doing lots of it.

My recent "facebook fifteen" post got me to thinking - and then Shelle and the  Clever Mommy spurred me to action... why am I sitting here indoors and allowing the facebook fifteen to turn into the twitter twenty?  What if it all has to be alliterative???   I'm getting REALLY worried about the Blogger B'jillion!

Starting today - right this minute - I'm joining up with that pushy Clever Mommy and admitting it's time to do something about it.  Fight the Scale Fridays are what she's calling them... and it's entirely possible that I will mention this again on a Friday... but don't avoid me entirely because that downward spiral of depression is NOT good for my metabolism.  I promise to just add a little IW (ideal weight) plus 6 (and then a few) somewhere and to not spend an entire post whining about my cravings for peanut butter   (yumm  ... peanut butter....) or to drone on about the "points" I pack away.   I think I just need to be accountable to someone This week... no number - sorry, I'll be ready to step on that scale next week...  been SO good about my eating but not necessarily the exercising (it's HOT).

Maybe when I'm IW minus 2 and have learned to love the outdoors again ManOfTheHouse and I will go on our own camping trip and leave the sweaty little bodies behind...  and bring a nice cushiony mattress for the tent... and order take-out... and vacuum the campsite... oh forget it - book me a room at the Hilton, this camping stuff is for the birds.  The hot, sweaty, stinky birds.

Speaking of Beds...

what, you weren't speaking of  beds?  Well, it seems we always are around here... Beds this, Beds that...

No seriously - with 5 growing children who have wreaked havoc on our joints with their climbing and their mere gestation...  beds are a serious subject.  Kids' Beds - they need 'em...  we've managed to provide them.  Guest Beds...  we have to have one because it seems we always have guests at least 12 times a year.  Our Bed... the ultimate quandry...   We even invested in a fancy shmancy dial the firmness number you prefer on your own side of the bed and all we've found out is that your "sleep number" (or at least MY number) doesn't stay the same for many days in a row.

At the end of the day I think the average person is just about thrilled to be going toward their bed with the expectation of a good nights' sleep.  So why don't I?  What is it about me that makes me terrified of crawling into that bed?  Okay, Okay - I know - a good portion of it is the vertigo issues...  so dizzy sometimes I want to hurl at the very THOUGHT of laying down.  But on an average non-vertigo day... why can't I just relax?

Perhaps there is just too much going on in that brain of mine?  Did I respond to all of my e-mail, have I written a blog post this week, what's for dinner tomorrow, is the kids' scouting stuff ready, have I packed for that trip, HOW many weeks until I go back to school/work, are you SURE my shoes aren't two sizes too small?

You know, stuff like that...

I am thinking that perhaps a little valium should do the trick.  Or maybe just getting the kids back in school and me back to a working day schedule instead of sitting her at lunch time in my morning workout clothes writing a blog post?

*******Bonus for all of you who kept reading - there are a few little links throughout the post... okay, admittedly they are all the SAME link - I'm predictable like that.  Anywhoo...  the REASON for all those little links is a nice lady named Caitlin who is sending one of my adorable (or manly) readers a nice little gift certificate (to the tune of $60)  just for being an adorable (or manly) reader... all you need to do to qualify is click on that nifty little link (any one of them will do) and along with your regularly scheduled comment - tell me what kind of wonderful way you would spend your potential windfall!  I'll give you one entry just for a normal witty comment and one entry for your fantasy shopping trip.  Don't despair - there are LOTS of connected sites - you don't HAVE to stick to bedroom type stuff on your window shopping trip!

Personally, I'm leaning toward this...

.

  because what girl with vertigo doesn't need another pillow on their bed!!!

FYI - ("Your" being the FTC... so maybe I mean FTFTCI?) I was in no way compensated for this... no freebies, nada - so THAT is why it won't show up on my W78342 form at tax time.  Sometimes I just like to do nice things for my adorable (and manly) readers.

and FYotherI - for all of you - the contest begins NOW and will go through Sunday at 5 p.m. (or slightly after if I don't get home from church in time to close comments)  so comment, comment, comment, send a friend over - tweet it or whatever... it won't get you extra entries or anything, but sometimes it's just nice to be nice.

The LAST FYI - shipping charges will be charged on whatever you choose - just keep that in mind while debating between that air mattress and that set of barbells.  thanks.

making up for picture free days...

I saw a discussion on blog frog the other day - all about what people want out of a blog... humor, blah, blah, blah, wit, blah, insight, blah, blah, and pictures...

ummmmm... and then I noticed that I have 3 text only posts in a row - which is apparently the equivalent of chasing someone from my room with a cattle prod.

So, lets make up for it here... with some random photos that I've been meaning to share but just can't seem to make a whole post out of any one in particular...

...have you read The Help?  (did that sound as random to you as it did to me?)  Well, I certainly read that book - it was my turn to host book club even... and if you've read the book you will know why my book club attendees looked at me with a questioning eye when I served this for dessert...

there is NO surer way to know who has read the book and who is just coming for a night away from their kids than to serve a chocolate pie after that book.  For those who are wondering - of COURSE I didn't... didn't DO that, but my guests were a little worried when I wasn't eating it (still, don't like chocolate - even though that admission got my poor cousin thinking that I was wrong in the head yesterday!).
If you haven't read the book - run off, buy the book, read it - and THEN come and look at that wonderful dessert with the knowing eyes of one who is aware of the horrible ingredients used in the book...  don't worry - we'll wait...



Don't you hate it when someone writes WASH ME on the back of your car?

Well, compared to our sixties peace-mobile that just doesn't seem so bad anymore does it?  Ugh - and they had to drive home like this!!!  Fortunately this is about when I switched cars for my ride to the airport...

...speaking of the airport...

seeing as I'm over the age of 18 does that mean I'm allowed to play on or near the equipment now?

...and finally - for just another bit of randomness - I bring you the jewelry tree...  I bought one of these for my husband to give me for Christmas  (yes, that IS how it works in our family...)

this one of course is not mine...  because if I were to photograph my own jewelry tree you would be uber jealous of all the fab bling that I have and tempted to break down my door...  OH - and you'd see that while the jewelry tree sounds like a wonderful idea... your average user probably should either buy two (and a MUCH bigger house with a better bathroom counter) or three of them... because in that photo - what are there - 6 bracelets and an earring?  Maybe that is useful for my guest bathroom... it will hold just enough jewelry for a week... as long as you have only one ear.


Ta-dah...  photos.  You're welcome.  Now you know why I stick to text most of the time - perhaps a photography class will fit into my schedule soon?

Short Order Chef

This is not about my lack of height - though I'm sure that's LOTS of fun for everyone around me to laugh about.  So go ahead...  I still haven't grown and I still rather enjoy a good short joke.  Be warned though - if you feel it necessary to SHARE your short joke, please be sure it's not the one about being the last to know when it's raining, because that just doesn't make any sense at all!

This is about my kids.

My picky kids.

You see, I have a 15 year old son who has never really enjoyed meat.  or peanut butter.  or beans.  and the list goes on and on.  He now has decided he wants to be a vegetarian.  To be fair, he decided this MANY years ago and we said "no" because neither ManOfTheHouse nor I has any clue as to how to be a healthy vegetarian.  The more I learn - the more impossible this is... but the T-boy is now old enough to cook and therefore (apparently) to figure out his own sources of protein.  Thankfully he is rather fond of milk, cheese, and eggs so I think he'll survive. 

I also have a 13 year old son (W) who thinks that Scurvy is a life choice.  Fruits and Vegetables?  They add color to the plate and he can appreciate that... but the taste doesn't appeal.  He is able to choke down the requisite amount in order to be allowed to leave the table, but only just.  The thing keeping this kid alive is probably his braces - without which I'm pretty sure he would have OD'd on caramel at least a year ago.

And then there's the 10 year old son (Po)...  who has some short term memory loss.  We serve chicken marinara - he groans... We remind him nicely that he rather enjoyed this the last time - he disagrees... repeatedly.  The food grows cold while he rolls his eyes and asks "why do you only know how to cook GROSS food" - but eventually he breaks down and takes a bite.  "oh, THIS?  I like THIS, I was  thinking of that other gross stuff you make" 

Then come the girls - 8 year old (H) is pretty brave - but if something touches her plate that is not to her liking we have tears.  Big.  Crocodile.  Emotional Girl Tears.  I should be grateful that we have passed the phase of "my banana broke and is therefore rendered inedible" but I'm pretty sure this is just as bad. 

6 yr old (M) says she wants to be a "veterinarian" too when she grows up.  She is having a hard time differentiating between the two because they both love animals?  Of course, she loves chicken nuggets more than anything else on earth - so this may not go over well.  Perhaps she can just care for dogs and cats? 

Add to this the fact that I don't eat red meat or chocolate - which are ManOfTheHouse's favorite food groups.  Or perhaps the fact that I could use to slim down a few pounds whereas there are other people in the house who need to be gaining those pounds...

Don't ask me what's for dinner.  I'm thinking we should just buy season passes to a buffet.

We Are Family...

and we love it that way.

We love our annual family reunions.  Love them to the point that I will be having NO time to check blogs, twitter, blogfrog, facebook, e-mail or ANYTHING until Monday morning.

So if you could just all do me a favor and join me in my media free weekend.  Don't do anything funny. 

Thanks.  I hope that you're not bored out of your mind or anything.

Am I addicted?  Hmmm, I think the jury is still out on that one.  I think it speaks volumes that I have not even considered packing my computer.  ManOfTheHouse is not convinced.  Just you watch me hike and cook over a campfire, and play goofy "minute to win-it" type games without thinking of how funny it would be to tweet about how Uncle so and so just fell on his can while trying to knock over the cans :)

It's healthy to occasionally walk away from the computer.  my eyes will thank me.  my brain will thank me.  my family will thank me. 

...and you will probably thank me when I have DAYS of blog fodder to post about next week.

Statistics

my Father in Law actually understand all those statistical things...  so I thought it was a little funny to click that "stats" tab up there at the top... 

Funnier even was the fact that in the past month I've had about 1,400 hits on ONE blog post.

Apparently when you post about almost getting a new jacuzzi - that is considered a hilarious blog post.

or maybe it's just that lots of people are google searching for jacuzzis? 

Whatever...  makes my stats look GREAT.

Other big "hits" with googlers (shh, looks like a word to me...)  Unibrows and Things you Don't Learn in School

okay, THAT should keep you busy...  of course, if you really want entertainment - click on your own Stats tab...  (sorry, I'm sure that wordpress has a similar tab... just don't know what it's called)

Have a nice day :)

Sometimes the Universe is just Conspiring against me

ManOfTheHouse was out of town last night - setting up a campground for a passel of giggling teenaged girls or other nonsense.  I'm not quite sure...  he could probably get away with a lot sometimes for all the attention I pay to his out of house activities.  Camping?  Bye Honey, have a good time.  Biking?  Bye Honey, have a good time. Business Trip?  Bye Honey, have a good time and bring me something nice.

the box too... I really dig that box

Okay, okay - I do pay more attention than THAT.  I call obsessively, for instance.  Last night he received a text while I stood in line at WalMart... telling him all about the loud alarms that had just filled the store when (I'm assuming) someone tried to smuggle a big screen TV out of the store underneath their tube top.  Then I proceeded to text him about the family ahead of me in line... the pregnant mother currently puking into a trash can while waiting in line.  I quickly found another (longer) line but my morbid curiosity forced me to notice that everyone else stayed in that short line... really, saving 3 minutes is worth that smell?  (Confidential to that poor mother - ummm, honey - next time, rather than having someone hold your hair out of the way - make a beeline for the restroom...  even if they put ALL your groceries back on the shelves and you have to re-shop... still a better place for puking)


M took the opportunity last night to crawl in and sleep in my bed last night.  Normally this is an absolute No-no...  but I caved... mostly because she came to give me a hug and a snuggle when I was reading a book and by the time I was at the end of the chapter she was asleep.  Frankly, she's getting heavy.  (yes, she does still weigh only 35 pounds... and yes that IS rather light for a 6 year old... but no, I still did not want to carry her to bed)

I didn't sleep so well.  (this is where an audio clip of a sharp shocked intake of breath would go nicely... when are blogs going to get audio?)

I debated calling last night and canceling my morning walk/mental health therapy since ManOfTheHouse wouldn't be here... but I have older children and that is what they are for.  Well, that and bringing in the groceries.  For those of you with only younger children - what were you thinking?

When the alarm failed to go off this morning (umm, because I didn't SET the alarm because that is ManOfTheHouse's job and well, I forgot okay!) I freaked a little because I woke up a few minutes late.  Thank goodness for internal alarms.  In a flash (and like the superhero I like to pretend to be when nobody is watching) I ran about the house collecting my walking pants (oh shoot... where are those... forget it, these shorts are only a LITTLE dirty - I'll wash them when I get home) and my socks (actually, those were where they belonged) and my shoes (why oh why must my little girls wear my shoes around the house and leave them in two separate spots?), and bemoaning the fact that I did NOT get the dishes or the laundry or the weeding done yesterday - I went to grab my keys.  My keys... hmmm.   Keys... where are you keys?  Oh forget it, I'll grab the spare set and find mine when I get home (after I wash these shorts) - of course, the spare set is right where they belo...  crap... where did they go???  (Side note - just NOW 3 hours later, I remembered that I knocked them down yesterday while grabbing something else, argh)

The universe was clearly telling me that I needed to stay home this morning - I'm on load two of laundry - the weeds have all been pulled - the dishwasher just finished and is waiting for one of those older children to empty it - and as you just found out... I located the keys... both sets actually!

(update - while waiting for photos to upload - I found out that it was the mail key I knocked down yesterday - If anyone has seen a red clip attached to a big clunky black key, let me know)

Ack - can it be true??? She wouldn't REALLY???

Some of you (by this I mean my sisters-in-law who have read this blog from the beginning) may remember "tag week" where I basically took every Meme and tag out there and just blew through them as quickly as possible, to get it out of the way.  I think I said something about "never again" at some point...

apparently I lied.  Get used to disappointment princess.  (I think I'm channeling the Dread Pirate Roberts!)

If I'm going to do a Meme - let's all agree that I'm singing it very choir practice like and going up and down the Scale... Me me me me me me me me meeee (etc... until your range lets you down)...  Have I mentioned that I'm actually singing in a choir soon...  so I'm having to do all of those warm-ups again.  Have I ever mentioned before that as I get older my once wonderfully high soprano voice has threatened to go alto on me?  Is it horrible to admit that I'm one of those Lazy Sopranos who just likes singing the melody and the rest of you can work out that harmony crap.  So rather than give in to the aging process I am exercising those vocal cords to be able to sustain my A... no, not THAT A, that's for wimps - one octave up.  Yeah - after our performance I think I'm going to take a 40 hour fast from speaking.  (my kids would LOVE that)

Anywho - I was pleasantly surprised during my blog-hopping adventures to find that Holly (a very nice, deep thinking blogger I met at CBC) had given me this award.

We will all forgive Holly because (bless her heart) it isn't HER fault that the award is pink...  and frankly, since I don't know who I can blame for it I will just have to man up (well...  y'know) and deal with it.  With that I will say a hearty thank you to Holly and accept this award on behalf of all pink haters everywhere.

The rules of my acceptance are that I share ten things about myself - and then pass the award on to ten OTHER blogs that I have recently found and think are gosh darn swell.

Did you know how much I hate following rules?  (that counts as one thing, right?)
I think I mentioned my dislike of pink... even my first baby girl never wore pink until she was about a year.
Hey, I also mentioned that I sing... see, we're already half-way there.
I have never been a real math genius.
I haven't eaten chocolate in 21 years...  coincidentally this is about when I became hard to live with.  Just ask my High School friends.
I spent about 5 years on crutches as a child...  kids stopped teasing me about it pretty quickly (because back then the crutches were all a nice solid HEAVY chunk of wood)
I have a little bit of a violent streak.
I love to redecorate... ManOfTheHouse wishes I would stop moving the furniture on a weekly basis.
If I had a choice between eating and reading I think I'd starve happily while my nose was buried in a book (thus the book blog)
I have to go to the dentist in the morning - not for my wonderful cleaning appointment (which I LOVE) but because I have a stupid rotten cavity (a tiny one) which is probably because I'm still struggling with the concept of brushing up and down when side to side is SO much easier!

and that's it.  ten things.  Ta-dah!!!

the ten other bloggers...  well, here's what we're gonna do...  you see those followers there in the right column... yep - they are ALL awesome people.  use your favorite method of selection (I don't recommend darts unless you print this out first) and visit a few of them.  if you LOVE them like I do - you tell them that they can take the award from here and it will be JUST LIKE I followed the rules.... well, sorta.

ancient Teenage secrets...

when my boys are bored they cook... and if it weren't for the horrendous mess they leave behind I would never complain...  this is because they've actually got some talent in the kitchen.

Exhibit A:

Seriously... Crepes... and not just any old crepes - these are their specialty Neapolitan crepes - Vanilla, Strawberry and Chocolate all filled and rolled - ready for gluttonous consumption.

They even made me a chocolate free version.  It was delicious if I must say so myself (and apparently I must... since I'm a solo blogger around here). 

You know what though - they've refused to share their recipe.  Downright refused.  I think they're hoping to grow up and open their own International House of Crepes (IHOC?) and become rich and famous. 

Well, actually - only one of them has dreams of becoming a chef - I think the oldest is still determined to become a successful musician (as opposed to the unsuccessful type who will live in my basement For. Ev. Er. - that's just not gonna fly)


It's a good thing these boys are learning to cook though - because I've got three HUGE zucchini sitting on the counter that need to become zucchini bread quickly... 


I think they only do crepes though.

zucchini crepes?  heck, I'd try 'em...

anyone got a smashing Zucchini bread recipe... the last one I tried was in one of those "everyone at the school submit your favorite recipe and we'll print them all up and make a bunch of money forgetting that this is going to end up being a cookbook that nobody will ever use because nobody has actually ever TESTED these recipes to make sure that it's not actually poisonous or meant to be used as a bludgeon" type of cookbooks that I got from an intermediate school fundraiser.  Yep, I thought the title was long too...

I could also use some tips on how to prepare brussels sprouts... because I've got a few handfuls of those - and I'm nothing if not brave (just don't mention the naked spider incident) (and NO - it wasn't the spider who was naked... well, maybe it was also, I don't know for sure...)

Maybe if I beg enough (and pay them off) they'll allow me to share the recipe someday - but until then, know that you'll be welcome at their world famous restaurant any time, just mention that we're BBFFs and I'm sure you'll get an awesome table.  Well, as soon as the restaurant goes from dreamland to real life at least.

Okay, writing that made me hungry... boys...  what's for lunch???

Where was blogging when I needed it most?

Someone asked me today while I blog...  and once I got to thinking about it I realized that I wish I'd been blogging years longer.

Why do I blog?  well, folks - without sounding mushy or gushy... (because I'm neither... really - you won't see THIS girl melting into a puddle when Mighty Joe Young rescues the toddler from the runaway ferris wheel - and don't believe anyone who tells you otherwise!)  Crud, can't a girl have ONE pregnancy meltdown and not have to be called a crybaby for the next ten years?

anywho... without the gushiness - I blog for YOU - my loyal readers.  I blog for your witty comments, I blog for your encouragement, I blog for your understanding... but most of all I blog for your entertainment... hoping thereby to glean just a tiny bit of glory out of my day.  I've never claimed to be a "writer" - at least not in those terms...  but I do like to put my little piece of wit, wisdom, or whining out there for the world to appreciate (or hate) because that's just how I am. 

Let's rewind life about 20 years whilst I admit what a HUGE mega-geek I was in High School.  Okay - I was actually a total closet geek because I actually had some pretty cool friends and I hid well the fact that inbetween school and work I would often turn on the computer and sign in to a BBS.  See - only a true 80's geek will even KNOW what a BBS is!  Basically it was the precursor to chat rooms (which I totally abhor... so why did I BBS?  Let's call it peer pressure - family can be "peers" too right?)

I would check in with my "friends" Miss Scarlett, Cappy, and Brave Little Toaster - who knew me as Gidget (yes, the Girl Midget... shut it, I'm only 4'11'') and we would exchange witty repartee in a VERY basic way.  I actually met some of these people once... and felt COMPLETELY out of place...  like a Cheerleader at a Trek Convention...  but as long as the screen names were in place, I was one of them.

that didn't last long - college, marriage, kids, etc... happened and my life was full - and crazy.

So nearly 20 years happened  in between the BBS and my discovery of blogging.  Don't get me wrong - I think I managed just fine "on my own" but there are times where I think blogging would have been a helpful outlet.

Take Kansas for instance.

Now - I know I have one wonderful Kansas yoga guru follower that might take issue with the fact that I hate that state.  I still do, I can't help it.  We lived there for two years... two years full of illness, marital discord, small children (some of whom were mine), working too many hours, a miscarriage, lack of friends, lack of money, and even me DREADING going to church - which has always been my save haven...  I won't go into detail because I don't want this blog to become another Mighty Joe Young moment...  but I hated it.  Every. Single. Day.  I have one or two people who I still love dearly that I'd love to see... except they live in Kansas and you couldn't get me back there for under a million bucks (okay, okay - $20,000 but that's as low as I go!). 

I think if I'd had a blog - and been able to VENT my frustrations on someone other than the ManOfTheHouse...  I think  there might have been a little more peace and harmony in our home...  or at least that's what I tell myself!

(with sincere apologies to ALL Kansas bloggers... I wish YOU had been my neighbor...)

I love Boy Scouting!

I didn't always love it... as a matter of fact there were many years as a Cub Scout Den Leader/Committee Chairperson/Cubmaster that I was downright crabby about the whole system.  Suffice it to say that we had a little experience with a well timed Cub Scout lesson and a thwarted kidnapping attempt - Ta-dah... instant improvement in my attitude... and my "fun factor"  NOW I love Scouting...

You know why???  huh huh huh?

Could it be because for a few days those two wonderful teenaged urchins of mine - are all their problem!!!  (okay... maybe so...)

Now that isn't saying I don't love the stinkers - I do...  I just think they need to appreciate things around here a little more.  Like plumbing.

I certainly work hard enough to get them off on these little adventures...  you know each of those boys has to have a huge list full  o' stuff packed into those wee little bags of theirs.  It's a good thing that ManOfTheHouse is a camping guru because I might not have known otherwise that it was possible to have a sleeping bag that squished down to the size of a loaf of bread.  If it were left up to me those boys would have probably left for their camping experience toting my rolling suitcase and wearing Converse.  I kid you not that a fellow camper of theirs brought an inflatable king sized air mattress a few years back - without M.O.T.H.'s input that could have been MY comfortable child in his own huge tent because nobody else fit - Phew, close call!

OOOooooh, learned a new lesson today - did you know that at 13 and 15 you are officially too old to have your mother ask if you'd packed a spare pair of BVD's???  Well, folks - here's MY take on that rule... if you're young enough that you have to ask your mother what BVD's are - then she can ask about yours any time.

So boys - enjoy your camping experience - learn lots of things about how to start a fire with just two sticks and a lightning strike...  and be grateful that your father was home to make sure you took the biodegradable bar soap instead of the pump soap I was thinking would be quite handy.  and Shhhh... just tell him that your tin-foil dinner worked out just fine!!!

I mean really - I think that folding a frozen pizza in half and wrapping it in aluminum foil counts as a tin foil dinner right???  It was that or hot pockets...  (seriously - with one being a budding vegetarian and the other being a hopeless carnivore we only have so many tin foil options guys!!!)  It's like Jack Sprat and his wife around here when those two eat!  Of course when I call them that they always insist that they are NOT the wife part of that equation.  Whatever - they won't starve... they packed plenty of snacks!

just two more nights without the big boys.... and ManOfTheHouse joins them tomorrow to teach the scout troop all about Orienteering... (you know, the compass junk... as if they don't all have GPS enabled gadgets now)... come Saturday night I think I'm going to deserve a night out - besides, my built-in babysitters will have returned and showered by then!  One thing's for certain - they'll have clean BVD's ready for them when they come home because doing laundry is SO much more fulfilling when the pile isn't growing faster than I can wash.  (I know, I know... they're piling it up out there and I am going to HATE Saturday Night!)

The Facebook Fifteen

Back in my college days I was warned of the ever dreaded "Freshman Fifteen" - apparently it's an inevitable part of moving away from home and eating dorm food...  which allows you to refill your plate multiple times and nobody EVER tells you that you can have dessert if you finish your heaping portion of three bean salad. (excuse me for a minute - the very THOUGHT of that just made me a little ill) 

I had terrible worries about having to purchase larger clothes by the end of my first semester (never mind that I started during a summer quarter) and never being asked out by any of the football players.

Hmmm... I actually don't think I ever DID date any football players after all...   I wonder... nope, probably too late to remedy that.  Does it count that we are constantly getting mail for someone who played football at my college because he happens to share a name with my husband?  It'll have to do - unless ManOfTheHouse wants to go back and play some college ball because I am OVER the dating scene - phew!

Where was I?  Oh yeah... the Freshman Fifteen...  those wonderful fifteen pounds that you cannot move into your sophomore year without.  I think they weigh you on the way out of the dorms.

The thing is?  I didn't gain them.  Maybe it's because I only lived in the dorms for 2 months before moving off campus (FAR far off campus) without a car.  Also might have helped that I was too poor to eat at the CougarEat and had to walk home for lunch (or spend a maximum of .75 in the vending machines) where I probably ate rice and tuna fish. 

Apparently I was warped from some lack of fulfillment in life because of this inability to pudgify myself.

Well, worry no more!  Facebook has saved the day!!!  You see, Facebook has reintroduced me to hundreds of friends I didn't know I couldn't live without.  It has become my main method of communicating with people who live down the street.  It has even provided me with mindless entertainment in the form of games where my competitive nature kicks into overdrive.  It's official, since joining facebook I have become a lazy son of a gun and gained my Facebook Fifteen.   Awwww, my little girl is finally growing up!!

Okay - so this is nothing I'm proud of...  promise me, if you see me on Facebook - poke me in the eye.  (I think there's an app for that!)  (I wish I were kidding about thinking that)  And if you see that I have been playing GAMES on Facebook???  Well, first assume that it was my kids doing the actual playing (because that might actually be true... except Sudoku - that's all me) and THEN poke me in the eye.

I think it would help if I placed my laptop 3 miles from my home and hid the car keys. 



I want to point out for the record that BLOGGING is not the cause of my Facebook Fifteen... because I am able to walk away from Facebook (or at least cut back drastically) whereas blogging is completely healthy and non-obsessive and I should not have to modify my blogging schedule in the least in order to once again be a svelte supermodel mom.  (Think Heidi Klum... but shorter... and brunette...  and... well, less "vavavoom")

Happy 4th of July

from the land of the free...

and the home of the brave...

hey, it looks brave to me...  some of those suckers STING!

All kidding aside - I love my country.  I love my freedoms.  Especially Freedom of Speech so that I can say whatever the heck I want to here on my blog and  nobody can come hunt me down even IF he happens to be an uber powerful son of a gun who is on a power-trip.  Hypothetically of course. 

Have a safe and wonderful holiday weekend... I'm posting early because I REALLY ought to pack. 

and for those who are concerned on my behalf that I just notified all these strangers that I'd be out of town - trust me...  it's been taken care of... and he's a mean evil wicked bad nasty vicious vile sinful and corrupt type of slobbery canine - maybe we'll feed him before we leave, or maybe we'll hope for some dinner to drop by :)