Monday, January 31, 2011

10 reasons I hate being late to church

1-the front rows are nice comfy (well, okay, that might be a stretch) pews with cushions... the back? Hard metal chairs. Not comfortable AT. ALL.

2-if by some small miracle (which in church isn't really out of the question) there IS a pew available when we arrive late I will choose it over the hard metal chairs.  Yes, I get the comfort - but then we must endure the questioning looks from those around us as we parade past...  why are we late?  did that kid even comb his hair?  what kind of fashion statement is the youngest making this week?  should she really be wearing 4 inch heels with her foot issues?

3-those hard metal chairs?  Also VERY cold.

4-the first few minutes of church are usually devoted to announcing stuff and introducing new people.  I find it very telling that I never know what is going on and I am unfamiliar with a full 1/3 of our congregation.

5-there is a phenomenon in congregational singing.  It seems that nobody is actually aware that it is their turn to sing until the noise of the people in front of them singing reaches their ears.  Sometimes it takes awhile for this sound to travel all the way to the back of the overflow area...   I was trained to sing when the conductor says to sing - which means sometimes my note comes a 1/2 beat before those around me.   Now, it's true that this can be a lot of fun and I have enjoyed making the people around me uncomfortable (don't worry, it's the 1/3 I don't know way back here...) but truly - this maybe should have made the #1 spot.

6-kids.  My own don't sit as well... can't really blame them with the hard, cold metal chairs... but still - I came to church to listen, didn't I?

7-kids.  Other ones this time.  I remember having young children and needing to take them out occasionally (okay, weekly) for a variety of reasons (messy diapers, inconsolable crying, just being so darn bored I wanted to poke myself in the eye) and then we sat where it was convenient to leave without creating a scene.  You know, back when I was young enough for the hard metal chairs to not bother me so much.  The young kids and their young parents are still back here, but somehow I just don't fit in anymore.

8-bad vision.  Okay, the truth is that I'm a tad on the short side...  okay, maybe a little closer to the ridiculously short side...  so seeing past rows and rows of heads that are taller than me is not always conducive to a good church experience.  I make it worse by usually waking up late enough that I don't want to put my contacts in... hmmm... maybe this has something to do with that 1/3 of the people I don't recognize?

9-hymn books.  There are just never enough of them in the back.  This is probably by design because very few of those moms can make it through a song without running to the foyer.  Or maybe they are hoping to lessen the number of people singing 1/2 a beat behind schedule?

10-hmmm... okay, I don't really have a number ten...  it seems like any list worth its snuff would have a final culminating good point.  But I don't - unless you want to hear about hard, cold, metal chairs again?


23 comments:

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

We only made it on time 3 or 4 times the whole year last year when we had the 9 o'clock time. and I never knew who had what calling or what activities I was missing. Very annoying. And it wasn't really a good thing that I contemplated murder every Sunday morning before trying to feel the spirit. Not good.

Michelle said...

My Grandmother says by the time we were ready for the Sacrament I wasn't worthy to take it. I know what she means. The only reason we are on time for church every week is because choir is right before. We are never on time to that.

Gina said...

We have sacrament meeting at the end, after primary and such. Since I play the piano in primary, I HAVE to be on time, or else they can't start (not a lot of piano players out here, I guess).

So we're on time, but I HATE having sacrament at the end. It starts at 2:50 PM. And I have a 4 year old, a 2 year old and a 1 year old. We are the definition of "three ring circus"

Saimi said...

Oh dear sounds like you need to move into our ward:

1) 90% of the ward arrives late...You would fit right in.

2) Our ward is so small, pews are always available..soft seats, hard back, at least they're not metal.

3) We need more people that can sing.

4) It wouldn't take long for you to meet everyone and you would have at least 2 callings.

5) Our primary could use your children and our R.S. could use you!

I could go on but this is becoming a more than a comment.

Hope to see you next week!! Oh and if I don't...than take it from someone who HATES metal chairs...bring in the R.S chairs It's what I do during Stake conference.

Garden of Egan said...

I think I'd take the back row on cold chairs rather than sit by the knuckle-head I sat by yesterday playing ping pong on his ipod. I wanted to reach over and smack him or his wife. I couldn't decide which.
Sheesh.
The only reason I didn't was because the talks were on repentance.
And I didn't want to have to repent for smacking the idiot.

Lisa said...

Don't know they're supposed to sing until the noise from the people in front of them reaches their ears? BRILLIANT! Oh my gosh. So funny. So true. Probably why it's so funny. :)

Sher said...

Ah, I have to get there on time because I am so very ungracious about taking my turn in the hard chairs. I've become rather psycho about being on time (you can ask my kids). I should probably go late a few times as therapy or something.

Kristina P. said...

Perhaps you just need to join a branch, like me! No problems finding a seat.

jewelstreet said...

First, I loved reading the comments as much as the post. lol.

Second, anyone who can walk in 4 inch heels, sadly not myself since my ankle incident, should be able to wear them whenever they want.

Third, I hate being late to anything, but the rest of my family is quite happy with being late. Drives me bonkers. I think it's their mission to get me to give in to the lateness.

Barbaloot said...

Being late is no fun---but at least you've got a family as your reason for being late. I won't lie---I judge the single people that can't manage to make it to 11am church on time. All they have to do is get themselves ready!

Missy said...

We will go half naked in order to get the back row!!! I cannot handle the stares of going in late...

Megz said...

I try to be on time just so we can stretch out on 'our' pew without having another medium-sized family try to share with us. We ain't good with sharing.

Joni RT said...

Number 10 -- Why being late to church (insert a better word for sucks) -- Because the prelude music is just so dang amazing! :)

Some random person who would never say this about her own ward. said...

Even better in my ward... there IS no overflow, and the tiny foyer is always full, so if you don't make it on time, you have a few choices: stand, go home, or go sit in the choir seats (they encourage that, but imagine the additional embarassment...) plus, if you are lucky enough to be single, no one respects the fact that you need a place to sit. If you are sitting anywhere with a little space beside you and people get there late, a couple will try to squeeze into the space. Sometimes with additional children. and then if they don't all fit, or don't have the required shoehorn, someone will just stand there, or sit at your feet until you give up and let them have the entire bench. if you wait until *after* the sacrament, you can go to the basement and turn on the audio... but sacrament is on the 4th floor and they don't take the sacrament down to the basement, so it's usually just best to stand outside the doors until the sacrament is over.

LC said...

As a ward chorister I must say, anything you can do to get that back 1/3 singing would be greatly appreciated. They seem to prefer staring. Maybe I should enunciate the words a little more emphatically? or have more hymnbooks?
I like to sit in the 2nd row left pew--not the first because then Bud would run up to the microphone. The second provides, a one-bench buffer, it's padded, it can fit only our family, and it provides an easy escape route out the side door. Win-Win!

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

see if you are late to our ward, the front benches are the only ones available!!! So ummm... I'm always late, so it's either foyer, or front benches!

The Gibsons said...

lol I don't know what more to say except I am busting up laughing because it is so true.

Jen T said...

Come to our ward. It is so small we have no metal chairs, but the back rows always fill in first because I am usually late, so we end up sitting on the soft benches in the first 2 rows :)

Cheeseboy said...

You need to come to my ward. Our neighborhood is shrinking with families and we have open pews right and left. NOBODY sits on metal in our ward. That's kind of our motto.

Kazzy said...

I don't know how active I would be if all of the chairs were cold metal.

Charlotte said...

Our new ward has a tiny chapel and, even coming 20 minutes early, all the pews are taken. I was just speaking to my husband about those dreaded hard metal chairs. They suck. And in my new ward, the parents sit back there but don't take the kids out. Their sound just echos off the chairs the entire meeting. Joy.

Teachinfourth said...

Cold chairs. Nice in the summer, but not so much during the winter.

Annette Lyon said...

Here's another (I don't think anyone else mentioned it): The hard floor and metal chairs make even crayons falling sound like the entire brass section of a band as they fall.

Less of an issue as my kids age, but dang, those things were LOUD.