Friday, January 21, 2011

Why all the birds are dropping dead.

Now, contrary to popular belief - especially among those who have read my Hitchcock bird post - I am not an animal hater. Apparently my house is doing all the hating for me right now.

Scientists around the world are currently stymied as to why birds are dropping from the sky in huge numbers around the world... I might have a clue for them. You see, this is my front window
the reflection is to fight the summer heat...  it works, sort of...

two birds have flown into this window in the past week.

and you're very welcome - I drew the line at taking a photograph of the dead birds with their heads at unnatural angle.

Windows are deadly.

No... I am not suggesting that someone has installed a highly reflective window up in the sky into which thousands of birds are meeting their untimely death... but I have noticed one thing. Birds. Are. Dumb. Yes, the window is reflecting the outside... so they're happily flying along looking for a little more nature to fly in and they see - far below - a small archway leading into what appears to be sky and trees. Apparently birds are always on the look-out for better bits of the outdoors to fly in because they're getting crowded up there in the big blue.

So I can feel a little badly... really... what I don't get is that those windows that so neatly reflect the outdoors? Yep, they also reflect the BIRD. That same bird that is flying closer and closer. Playing chicken with his reflection. Is he hoping that other bird will turn aside and let him pass?

These world-wide mass bird deaths? Yep, probably just a bunch of idiot birds playing massive games of chicken way up the sky. I know, you probably haven't played "chicken" since elementary school - but remember hoping the other guy would bail first?  Yeah, only the dumb kids played it. The air is a little thin up there... maybe their thought processes are slowed. Or maybe there's a reason that "bird-brain" is an insult.

There's little to be done about mass bird idiocy - I wish the scientists the best of luck... but I'll do my part and take responsibility for the two bird deaths attributable to my home this week.

I've gotta do SOMETHING to help out the little guy...  like taping big X's on the window with blue masking tape?  Except that's boring.  and ugly.

So I've come up with options... tell me what you think - imagine that you live across the street from me (I know, a dream come true...  that house IS for sale...)

#1
simple... to the point... but do you think they come in green?

#2
I'm afraid it's just another version of "chicken" we'd just end up killing braver birds.

#3 (my favorite)

you think it'll work?  Of course, we may switch from having little dead bird carcasses piling up to having the highest number of car wrecks... what can I say - I'm an animal lover! Errrmmmm... well, I'm a non-animal-hater at least.

22 comments:

Cluttered Brain said...

I can only assume that the picture (last one) is a werewolf mouth.
Mainly cause I just got around to seeing Eclipse and I have a thing for werewolves...*sigh*

I think the last pic will work.
Good luck.

Come do my laundry now..please? at least fold it...geez. (LOL.)

S said...

Love it, love it, love it! That was just what I needed this morning. I vote for the last one as well.

Gwen said...

I laugh out loud. For real. I would have put a suncatcher up or something like that, but the massive tiger mouth will work, too. And you would become the talk of the neighbourhood. Trust me, that's a bonus!

Living the Scream said...

this is hilarious. the last one is my favorite. It be perfect decor for halloween.

Kristina P. said...

Did you put a picture of Mario Lopez in the window? I can see why they would commit suicide.

Saimi said...

I won't be showing this post to my husband or he'll want to buy your house! He's not fond of birds in the least!

Love the lion!

Barbaloot said...

I am an animal hater. Feel free to kill birds:)

My parents have a very large window in the back of their home and have been known to kill several birds. Plus, it's right above their porch, so they're always right there waiting for us after they've died. Gross.

Lisa said...

Oh my hell. Everything about that post made me laugh...OUT LOUD. And I'm alone, which makes it better, because then I don't have to explain what I'm laughing about. So thank you.

Sher said...

I liked the second one except it would be sad to kill off the brave birds.

Sher said...

I should also say that I was thinking about you today and all of the fun things you think up to write about -- and now you've obviously done creative things with a picture of your house. Such talent. I almost called you last night when I was having problems with my blog. Alas, I didn't want to be a pest:)

Sher said...

Oh, one more thing. Do you want to put in any requests for which pictures of you I should use on your birthday blog? Ha! Ha! Ha! (evil laugh) or which stories I should tell? I stayed awake one night thinking of things to say instead of sleeping. At least thinking of you is happy!

Sher said...

Oh, and even if you make a request I make no promises. (imagine another evil laugh -- maybe Megz laughing for me)just for fun.

April said...

BRAVO!!!! What skillz you have! Oh and the post was magnificent too! :)

Megz said...

I have been so intrigued by those bird stories!! Can you imagine a bunch of dead birds falling at your feet? I guess you can, since the evidence is on your lawn....

Annette Lyon said...

I was going to make some comment about the awesome lion, but then I saw Kristina's comment.

Mario Lopez . . . *snort*

Garden of Egan said...

Too bad you don't live here, then you wouldn't have to worry about it.
Birds have all gone into hiding from this wretched freezing weather we're having.

Sorry you have sun and reflection on your windows that are causing birds to lose their way. Personally I wouldn't know what to do with warmth and a sunny reflection either, so I would probably run into your windows too.

Amy said...

You crack me up. We do what we can to reflect the sun and heat don't we? It's not your fault the birds are unnaturally drawn to it!

Rudy Rukus said...

You are hysterical! That is so funny I am laughing and laughing and laughing!

Charlotte said...

Bird killer!

I kept having them fly into my house in Connecticut. I think I'd take the guilty murderer conscience.

I think you should totally go for it. It would increase the value of the entire neighborhood...

Cheeseboy said...

Holy crap - - this is a funny post! That lion photo is freaking me out though.

I really don't think that birds are even smart enough to play chicken though. I mean, chickens aren't even smart enough to play chicken and they're chickens!

Jen T said...

Oh, yeah, definitely 3. We have the same problem with our back doors--2 big glass double doors and we lost 3 birds this past summer. So sad! I will have to see what my hubby thinks about your #3 option for our back doors :)

LC said...

So funny! How'd you do that?