and so I present - without further ado - the reason I am under Doctor's order to not shake my Booty.
say "Zumba" in my community and you will have to duck - because it seems to be the Jazzercise of the new century... (if you don't know what Jazzercise is... well, be glad... be very glad...)
|gee, which would YOU rather look like? I know, the frog tights are "rad"|
Women from miles around you will flock to hear how much you LOVE your Zumba instructor and whether or not you have tried the glow in the dark version...
for those of you unenlightened folk who have been living under a rock Zumba is a mish mash of Latin Dance moves/other dance moves inspired by other things that I really don't care to research just for the purposes of this blog. The music is... loud. Okay - probably also "happenin'" or some other less dated term.
I went once - I was prepared to shake my money maker. (no, I don't know what that means... as I've never actually been paid to shake any part of myself). I shimmied when the instructor said shimmy - I did the one move that made me look like a water sprinkler... I box stepped and even did a move or two that made me glad that there were no men in the room. I had MOVES like no other.
okay, maybe one other... the lady next to me had extremely similar moves... only in reverse... which is probably why we kept bumping into one another. I am going to go ahead and blame that entirely on her since she's not here to defend herself.
I walked out of that one hour class sweating like... well, like I'd just spent an hour working out. Trust me, if anyone tells you "Zumba is so fun you forget you're working out"... well, they're just plain mental.
It was fun... sort of... but not THAT fun.
It was fun enough that I picked up a schedule on my way out of the class, anticipating that me and my money maker could probably do with a class or two... per week... and I went home - confident in my new found abilities.
(yes, I probably could have come up with a better transition for my story... something that lets the reader know that it's all downhill from here... so sue me)
I woke up the next morning feeling like I had just stepped off the Tilt O Whirl. I tried to get out of bed and ended up... well, out of bed... but not on my feet.
haha, funny... yeah... except I have hardwood floors in my bedroom... not so funny now is it? (okay, you can laugh... it's still funny... and they're actually a laminate knockoff - but they LOOK like hardwood!)
I've had a few "dizzy days" - sometimes referred to as my "blonde moments" - throughout my life... I always assumed I had a little water in my ear, or maybe an inner ear infection... and they always go away after a day or two. No big deal.
Except that a week later I was still spinning. EVERYTHING I did caused me to "trip out"...
It was nauseating - but worst of all it was pretty danged scary. Especially when I was driving.
Which I only did once... because once was enough... for everyone involved.
Okay - it was only me that was involved... thank goodness...
I saw a few doctors... the first told me (no joke) to go home and look up some stuff on WebMD to see how best to treat it. Yeah, WebMD is the best place to go if you want to link every single scratch to the possibility of necrotizing fasciitis.
So I went to a few different doctors ... and the down and dirty of it is that I have a diagnosis:
Sucks To Be You Syndrome
only they called it something less exciting... benign proximal blah blah blah vertigo... and then told me to NEVER try Zumba again. Seriously. So, technically - it's my doctor's fault that my jeans a little tight.
(conveniently forgetting about the cheesecake in the freezer...)
Yeah, dizzy me got to enjoy a lot of free Disneyland type rides just going about my daily business... and two months later I was finally able to pass a field sobriety test.
Things I learned: When there is a medicine meant to counteract the dizziness... the best place for it is probably NOT on the lowest shelf. The pharmacist agreed with me after he had to come out and get it for me. Dishes and Food located on shelves higher than eye level... yeah, those weren't important to the meal anyway. While the effects are similar - tickets to Disneyland are cheaper than all those Dr. visits. After all of these years I have not learned a hip and with it way to say "cool".
images blatantly stolen from the web... because I'm under Doctor's orders to stay away from any place that might cause me to Shake what my momma gave me.