The REAL reason Dinosaurs are extinct.

Scientists have come up with multitudinous theories as to why these HUGE strong carnivorous beings couldn't survive...

The Ice Age?  Really...  are we sure it's not actually Global Warming a.k.a. Global Climate Shift?

Earthquakes and Tar Pits.  I actually could see the Tar Pit thing...  I envision the dinosaurs to be like lemmings - all following each other into a huge tar pit...  and even the last guy doesn't think "hmmm... I wonder why nobody has come out the other side?"


Meteors.  All I can say is that there is obviously some high galactic sniper power because that's some sharp shootin' Sam!


But because I am uber-brilliant (despite the fact that I just started a sentence with the word "but") I have figured it out... no more debate necessary.  I think it's because the dinosaurs "changed teams" - in the days before In Vitro and adoption this would have been devastating to a species.


My evidence?

Do we really need an exhibit B?

Image taken from the official Barney website. Because (also a bad way to start a sentence) it's not like I can pop out and photograph gender confused dinosaurs all by myself.

Why home-schooling is not for me...

Don't get me wrong - I think home-schooling is a super idea.  I really do.  I have nothing but respect for those moms who put SO much effort into ensuring that their children get an individualized education.  I wish I could do it...  every once in awhile I think I'm going to do it... and then Sunday rolls around.

My daughter "H" is in my Primary class...  I've managed to teach almost all of my children in various church classes/scouts/preschool at one point or another and I have to wonder WHY ON EARTH other people tell me that my kids are such a joy in their classes.

are they all lying to me?  Are they delusional?  Do they find Joy in being told "No" every time they're asked to participate and find Joy in being told "we already know this, this is boring"

I actually threatened last week to send her to her father.  I use that threat a lot with a few other little angels in my class, but this is the first time I had to use it on one of my OWN...  

I've got ManOfTheHouse on board this week - there will be a "secret" agreement between H and M.O.T.H. - to see if a little bribe/reward will be of use in getting her to sit in her seat without installing magnets in the back of her skirt.  Maybe we'll even get her to agree to saying a prayer?  

Really - I'm glad that my kids are well-behaved for other people...  I'm thrilled that they don't pull this "attitude" on everyone they come in contact with - I just wish I knew WHY they don't save just an ounce of their good behavior for their own parents????

Is this typical?  Do you home-schooling Moms have this same problem?  Are your children just naturally perfect or have you just disciplined it out of them?  I know - the answer is that you're just infinitely more patient than I am...

I'm afraid I used up a lot of my patience teaching preschool and kindergarten for all those years - maybe there just isn't enough left for my own kids?  

I've set some in reserve for the teenage years - don't worry!

Sleep-Blogging

I took Spanish Classes throughout High School and then again during my years at the Y...  The language is in my blood (1/4 Spanish)  but finding it on my tongue... that was a bit harder!

I knew I had made a major language breakthrough when... (drum roll please) ...I started dreaming in Spanish.  I did - my dream self was conversing easily in her non-native tongue and chatting animatedly with all sorts of other people in said tongue.  It really didn't matter that some of the dream-people I spoke with weren't Spanish speakers.  Pshaw, why let reality ruin a nice dream?

The thing is... what does it mean when I start dreaming about blogging?  Last night my dream self typed up a killer post and it was so darn witty I kept thinking "I should write this down"...

I didn't, and now I'm upset over the lost post potential - just trust my sleep memory, you would have been rolling in the aisles (RITA... now THERE's an acronym that's not likely to  catch on...)

 Who knows, next time I might wander down here to the computer whilst I sleep and actually type it up... and then we'll move from "stream of consciousness" blogging to "unconscious blathering"

what MUST they be thinking

first off - I have to apologize for blogging so much - it's just that suddenly I have an outlet for all the funny things I think that Q doesn't really want to hear about when he comes home... or in this case - the funny things that happen in our day to day travels.

So...  as I'm driving around with sweet 4-year old M one fine day and paying attention to all the cars around me I hear a soft whimpering whine from the seat behind me.  Turns out while I was being a responsible driver she was busy blowing me kisses which I was ignoring and not catching.  Luckily, this is the point in our travels where I come off the big hill and can play a little more.  So each time I hear a little smacking sound from the back seat I make a wild grab into the air to "catch" her kiss - she is giggling and happy and I'm feeling like I have earned my Mom award for the day.

Until I think about the drivers behind me and wonder what they are thinking - did I drive through a hornet's nest?  A car full of mosquitoes?  We were getting close to our destination so I just kept it up until the parking lot and put all those unknown people out of my mind.

I think we're lucky we didn't cause this:

with thanks to traffic-accident.blogspot.com :)

So there it is, my daughter was happy - I was only slightly chagrined, and hey - at least I wasn't picking my nose or wildly weaving in and out of traffic right?

All Megan's Fault

Okay, Meg's blog reminded me of the upcoming holiday "sneak a zucchini onto your neighbor's front porch day" on August 8...  Lacking the ability to actually grow any of these monsters (and since I can only really use 2 per year) I am going to be skipping that celebration this year.  Don't ask why I knew about this holiday - it is really a truly long and boring story... that and I don't remember.

In lieu of that rockin' night-time fun - I decided to find out what else is out there for me:  August 1-7 is World Breastfeeding Week and again, I'm going to be feeling left out of that one.  I was starting to feel a little like the whole world had reasons for a parade and it was just going to be me... all alone...  NOT having a parade - when Lo and Behold - the next item on the list was made for me!  August 1-7 is ALSO "Simplify your Life Week" - Don't laugh, my friend Tracey recently posted a bunch of ideas for doing just this... so that's it - look out world, I'm going to ParTay with this one :).  Hmmm... actually, now that I see the things I CAN'T celebrate I realize my life is getting simpler all the time :)

You want something to celebrate:  Check this and see what August has to offer you.  Then let me know which day you're celebrating what so that I can eat a cupcake in your honor.

Need I say more?

Okay, so best as I can figure some unwritten rule exists about some person named Nell who "ozed"?  Maybe they should have just picked up a "Keep Out" sign at WalMart.

I feel bad for the poor sap who had this sign printed - but I feel worse for the pathetic guy who actually printed it!  Even the most archaic word processing programs have some sort of spell check - and really... Unauthorozed?  ugh, and me with no marker on hand... okay, I might not have tried to fix this one since two lifeguards were stationed within two feet of it... I do have my pride even if they don't.

FYI - in case you were wondering - it's the skyline pool.

Everyone has a book in them...

As I was reading a book yesterday one of the characters mentioned the cliche that "everyone has a book in them" - the character wasn't so sure it was true... personally I'm sure everyone has a STORY in them, but a book... well, frankly the thought of reading a book written by some people I can think of just scares me to death!  

So here's the deal - if you had a book in you - what would it be about?  What would the title be... or hey, if some author already stole the book in you before you had a chance to write it yourself, what book was it?

Myself, I'm pretty sure my book is a bunch of short stories with promising beginnings - I'm never very good at sticking with a story to the end.  I'd probably have a good mix of teen angst (but no romance) and parental idiocy... Kind of a Roald Dahl and Jerry Spinelli blend (though they would both groan if they read that!)

Things They Don't Teach You in School

According to the shirts the boys got for the new school year:

Recycling one glass jar saves enough energy to watch TV for 3 hours

During your lifetime, you'll eat about 60,000 pounds of food

No piece of square dry paper can be folded in half more than 7 times

Over 2,500 left-handed people a year are killed using products made for right-handed people

There are more than 10 million bricks in the Empire State Building

Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying

Camels have three eyelids to protect them from blowing sand

A quarter has 119 grooves on its edge, a dime has one less groove

The Earth weighs around 6,600,000,000,000,000,000,000 tons

Owls are one of the only birds that can see the color blue

A lump of pure gold the size of a matchbox can be flattened into a sheet the size of a tennis court

You're born with 300 bones, but only have 206 when you are an adult

A giraffe can clean its ears and eyes with its 18-inch tongue 

A sneeze travels out your mouth at over 100 m.p.h.

Your heart beats over 100,000 times a day

Bats always turn left when exiting a cave

The world's termites outweigh the world's humans 10 to 1

Rice paper has no rice in it

A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second

If you counted 24 hours a day, it would take 31,688 years to reach one trillion

It is impossible to lick your elbows

Girls blink almost twice as much as boys

"The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter of the alphabet

There are more chickens than people in the world

"Sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the hardest tongue twister

No words rhyme with month, orange, or purple

Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur

It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open

The average chocolate bar has 8 insect legs in it

A sheet of newspaper can't be folded in half more than 9 times

That's it, don't you feel more educated now?  I will certainly never say "be with you in a jiffy" with the same laissez faire attitude again!

Comparison Shopping...

I am feeling a little flummoxed (hmmm... that may be the first time I've written that word in my entire life) here - I was off shopping yesterday for some cotton balls and pom-pons (you'll see why at the reunion, unless you're the other side of the family, then you'll just have to ask) and while browsing the shelves for things on my "wouldn't it be nice" list I noticed a few glaring price differences between the stores I was at.  

Example one - the Fairy Alphabet Set (it's all scrapbook stuff here guys - if you don't care, just scroll on down) that I thought my girls would enjoy making stuff with - at Robert's it's listed at $44 - yikes, even with a 50% off coupon I don't want to pay that!  So, 1/2 an hour later at Michael's I check the same product - $15, and so using a 40% coupon I happily bought the girls a reading prize that will buy me some free time!  (I checked online, it's around $15 at the reasonable places... and it's one of those things I don't trust getting used on e-bay)

next up: the Hippie Chick Alphabet (yes, it's the entire alphabet - I just figured you could use your imagination to see how utterly cool these letters could look in my scrapbook).  First look was at Robert's - $44... go figure, because these dies are way more durable and much bigger than the little kids ones... but there it is, the same price.  Then we're off to Michael's - $75 bucks?  Online - $56...   I picked it up at Robert's with a 50% off coupon for $22 and was happy.
Lesson I will be taking away from all of this - well, first off, I NEED to learn the difference between Needs and Wants obviously because this is sounding way too worldly of me - but secondly I will certainly be doing more comparison shopping before getting burned - is everything out there priced so wacky?  I never buy anything that's more than $10 at Robert's or Michael's without using a 40 or 50% off coupon...  I am obviously not their favorite customer :)

And WHY may I ask are such obvious chick-magnets like craft stores named after guys?