Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Wish I knew who to give Credit to for this one...

I'm not much of an e-mail forwarder (ooh, look forwarder IS a word!).  I broke my rule today though - because THIS made me laugh... and sort of wish it were true... with slightly lower prices...

Does that make me bad?

Is it bad that I'm not even writing my own blog today?

If you know who wrote this originally - I'd love to give them credit... and a high five.  If you want to claim it for your own, I'll buy into it...


enjoy - I've gotta go finish some of those projects!  At least Science Fair is done!!!!

ZION VISITING TEACHING SERVICE

' We Care Because You Don't Have Time To'

* Visiting teaching getting you down?

* Can't get that annoying Relief Society President off your back?

* Visiting teaching interfering with your valuable television and craft time?

WE CAN HELP!

At Zion 's Visiting Teaching Service, we'll do your visiting teaching for you.


For a small monthly fee, we will send one of our representatives to the homes of your sisters.

* For $10.00 per sister, we will provide a visit. 
* For $15.00 per sister, we will provide a spiritual message. 
* For $20.00 per sister, we will remember birthdays and anniversaries. 
$20 isn't too much to pay for Peace of Mind. So give us a call at:

1-800-462-2879 - That's 1-800-IM-2-BUSY

Because of high volume an extra $15.00 will be added to all services required on the last day of the month.

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Check Out Our New Services!!!

Meetings: We will send a representative to the appropriate meeting to take notes for you and report back.

Ward Council Meeting $30

Ward Council Meeting w/ written report $50

Presidency Meetings $20

PEC $25

Sacrament Meeting $20

Sunday School $20

Priesthood $20

3-hour Sunday Block (best value) $50

PLEASE NOTE: Surcharge of 10% for stake meetings

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***Talks and Lessons***

Did a bishopric member call and assign you a talk? Tired of wasting Saturday night preparing a lesson? Well, free up your time and just read one of our professionally prepared talks and lessons. No need to spend countless hours poring through books, writing and praying. We'll do it for you!

Basic Talk (any subject assigned) $20

Scripture Talk (basic + 5 scriptures) $30

Deluxe Talk (scripture + 1 poem + 2 G.A. quotes) $40

All talks are guaranteed to last 15 minutes. Add $1 for each additional minute

Basic Lesson (40 minutes) $25

Deluxe (Basic + visual aides) $35

Super Deluxe (Deluxe + Handouts) $45

  • Due to high expectations, centerpieces and floral arrangements, Relief Society lessons are slightly higher. Call for quote.
  • Due to lower expectations, priesthood lessons receive a 10% discount.

Call us at 1-822-752-2537. That's 1-822-Slacker .

Introducing our Bundle Buys and Frequent Shopper Plan

Bundle any 3 services and receive a 20% discount. Receive one free Basic talk or lesson with any 10 purchases.

There you have it! We take all the work off of your shoulders and put ours to the wheel just for you.

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Introducing our new:

Casserole Service

If you just can't possibly throw together food for various Ward occasions,

WE CAN!

Our basic services include:

a.. Funeral Potatoes

b.. Green Bean/Mushroom Soup with Crunchy Onions

c.. Green Jell-O with Carrots

d.. Spinach Dip in a Bread Bowl

e.. CheezWiz/Tater Tot Surprise

For only $15 (plus deposit) each delivered to your house with Corningware marked with your name! They'll never know you didn't make 'em!

Remember our number: 1-822-S-L-A-C-K-E-R

7 comments:

Sue Q said...

Who-ho-hoa! I wish I had a snappy comeback, but I'm just -- well-- speechless! Are we really this stereotypical? Duh! YEAH!

Seriously, I think you should submit this to the New Era. The Ensign might be offended, and the Friend readers might take it seriously.

Barbaloot said...

Is it totally wrong that I wouldn't mind paying for that every once in awhile? I just have some Sundays where those Bishopric meetings are TOO long!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

I LOVE this! Isn't it the best. Someone fowarded it to me a year ago and I passed it around my relief society. That was when I was president and had more power. ;)

Malinda said...

That is too funny. I loved it.

T said...

I suppose I should apologize to my readers who are currently saying "I don't get it..."

just trust me, it's hilarious, especially the Jell-o and Carrots bit :)

Come back another time for a more universal hilarity

(shoot, that's a lot of pressure!)

just the five of us said...

Hey, If I got paid for all those meetings and sharing time, I would be rich! I could earn back my 10%

LC said...

I especially like the talk with the scripture plus GA quotes.