Wednesday, June 30, 2010

it's "Very Warm" 'eh?

Apparently on Sunday the temp hit 106... Didn't much notice because I like to hurry from the air conditioned house to the air conditioned car - to the air conditioned church - and then back again...  but my neighbor and I had a good laugh at the newspaper which reported the 106...

Little Sunshine Clip-art

Followed by the dreaded numbers 106 (in bold!)

Followed by two little words "very warm"

not even capitalized

Exactly what do we have to get to to have it considered "Hot"? 
image can be found in Hades, or at /

So for all of my readers who are jealous of my wonderfully beautifully mild winters (and who wouldn't be) - come on over, but be sure to wear plenty of sunscreen :)

Monday, June 28, 2010

Word of the Day - Mondegreen

I seriously have NEVER heard this word before - and I am a card carrying member of the word nerd club.  How does this happen?  I'll tell you how - it is a dumb word.  Okay, that's oversimplifying the point... the point is that Mondegreen IS a Mondegreen (as a child Sylvia Wright misheard the line "and laid him on the green" and "and Lady Mondegreen")

What does it mean you ask???  It describes exactly what happened to young Sylvia Wright -  those times when you're singing along to Creedence Clearwater Revival radio and YOU say "There's a Bathroom on the Right" when quite clearly the lyrics are actually "There's a Bad Moon on the Rise".  You know what though - I like the mistaken lyrics better sometimes... they certainly keep it interesting!

If you would love a good laugh - or 17 good laughs - run over to and check out some of their misheard lyrics.

So, now the REAL story - the explanation of WHY on EARTH such a word would come to my attention 38 years into my existence!!!  Now, I am going to use a little bit of an excuse here because after some extensive research (okay... wikipedia) I found out that Webster himself didn't even know the word until 2008 - so I'm technically just 2 years behind the times... we certainly won't mention that the word was coined back in the fifties, because THAT has no bearing on this story and doesn't make me look brilliant at all.

So...  My eldest son - who is a genius in ALL ways at ALL times - and whom I would never laugh at - gave me a little blog fodder the other day as we were listening to a Disney CD...

The song was from Beauty and the Beast - the one where they're all singing about how peculiar Belle is as she walks through town reading a book... I find it a little peculiar that she didn't belt someone for talking about her so rudely - but that's just me!

The words? ... "Bonjour"
                    "Good Day"
                     "How is Your Wife?"
                     "I need Six Eggs"
                     "That's Too Expensive"...

Only the T-boy misheard it just a TAD - because he sang out loud in his beautiful Bass Voice... "My maid, she's Dead - that's too expensive"

(me being a SUPER mom and not laughing too loudly)

and when I corrected him by saying "I need six eggs" - he had gotten all the way to the refrigerator before realizing what I meant

(okay - now I'm laughing... long and hard... unable to breathe...)  It's a good thing he's not only a genius but a VERY good sport :)

So... now that you feel educated and edified... tell me the worst (best?)  Mondegreen you've ever heard (misheard?) - because we ALL know we've done it, right???

Thursday, June 24, 2010

My Body Went to my High School Reunion and All I Got Was This Lousy Inferiority Complex

Actually - the title is totally not true.  Sometimes a funny title pops into my head and I just HAVE to use it regardless of its bearing on the actual situation!

That said... I think a shirt with that saying would sell pretty well... 

Truth be told - I think I came away feeling pretty darn good about myself.

Was I the hottest (hawtest?) thing there?  Well, no...  unfortunately for all of us women that primped for hours that distinction probably has to go to the one guy there who wouldn't have cared if all of us women WERE Victoria's Secret SuperModels and showed up in our "work attire"... his interests lay in other areas - and it's totally unfair that he showed us all up :)

However - I do look aMAZingly fit and young for a mother of 5 children.  There was some serious jaw dropping around the room as person after person found out I had that many kids... I like to think it's because I looked so trim (do NOT tell me it's because they were trying to figure out how to break it to me that I'm single handedly overpopulating the earth).  One thing:  I think it should be against the laws of nature to battle zits and wrinkles on the same skin... nobody in the complaint department has listened to me on this one yet though so I showed up at my reunion with a monster zit (well hidden by make-up) and trying desperately to hold my face "just so" to minimize the visible wrinkles :)

Was I the Most Successful?  Not by a long shot (hello, have you ever MET me and heard about my "job" that is otherwise categorized as "volunteering").  Funny thing - this one doesn't bother me AT ALL.  Pretty much anyone in that room (including the drunk gate crashers) had more credentials behind their name - but I'm raising a tremendously wonderful bunch of kids, I've got a "job" that allows me to be a mom, I've got a husband who is not only a "good guy" but is a superb dad and my best friend...  and I've got a phenomenally popular blog to boot. * (Ummm, Kristina - just smile and say "Hi" if there are any comments about how good it was to see you at the reunion - thanks!)

The Happiest?  I'm just going to go ahead and say YES to this one... though I'm sure there might have been a tie or two...  I think I was certainly the most "over" the high school mentality... seriously guys - it's been long enough that I DON'T care who was nasty to whom in high school, who stole who's boyfriend/girlfriend, or who beat out whom for the lead in the musical... really.  Over.  It. 

Most Sober?  Yep, that was TOTALLY my title - all by my little lonesome water drinking self.  (okay, on night two I had some competition... but not much!)

A moment to never be forgotten:

R.P. - chatting me up all night and me trying HARD to "place his face" to no avail...  to realize FOUR hours into the party that he has me badly confused with another short brunette.

R.J. - STAUNCHLY defending my honor and betting actual CASH against R.P.'s memory of me cursing him out in a tirade fit to shame a sailor.

K.H. - freely admitting that it was entirely possible that SHE was that short brunette in question.

So - to everyone who was there (and it turns out I DO have readers in the class - or shall I call them "lurkers" since they never COMMENT!) - you guys ROCK!  I wish I'd gotten more chances to visit with everyone... as I was reviewing pictures I realized there were one or two I never even got to talk to at all...  I swear, it wasn't a snub... I was probably rubbing my very sore feet - those shoes were NOT meant for a six hour party!!! 
and to those of you who live nearby and had lame excuses... even if your wife IS one of my BBFFs (best bloggy friends forever), or if I've known you since we were four years old... you are lame.  I love you, but you're still lame.  "Lame"-ness to be removed upon a sincere apology and perhaps an explanation of why Safeway did away with my favorite Ice Cream Flavor some time in the past 20 years.  Seriously - did you guys not buy enough White Chocolate Macadamia Nut Cookie Dough Crescendo to keep it in demand???  What were you thinking????

*fine, fine, fine... I didn't lie to everyone about the blog...  it WOULD have been funny though.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

What kind of ROTTEN wife am I???

Here it is, Father's Day - and I'm on vacation.

WITHOUT ManOfTheHouse!!!

I know, I know - I deserve to be put in shackles in the public square and ridiculed by men and women alike.

Can I mention that I did not choose the dates of the class reunion?  Will that make a difference?  Can I mention that I had to fly home on Monday to AVOID ruining Father's Day for other people who would have been inconvenienced by my needing a ride from the airport?  How about the fact that I saved a few bucks by flying Monday instead of Sunday?  Does ANY of this redeem me???


Well, just so you know, I'm celebrating Father's Day with my Father...  maybe I'm cooking up some amazing breakfast or doing other amazing wonderful daughter things (or maybe I'm sleeping off the reunion fun?).  Heck, ManOfTheHouse is not MY father - so the kids have this under control... I hope!

Love Ya M.O.T.H. - hope those were yummy crepes!!!  Just toss the leftovers in the fridge, I'll be home tomorrow :)

Friday, June 18, 2010

20 years of growing up... or so we like to think...

In two hours I am going to be living the life of Riley at my 20th Reunion.  For those of you who just said "no WAY is she that old" - I thank you profusely.

My question is...  who is this Riley person and how exactly am I supposed to be living their life?  I mean - I think I'm going to be plenty busy trying to keep my gut sucked in (because I didn't lose any of the weight I wanted to lose), my hands out of sight (because that manicure I wanted just didn't quite turn out), and my feet straight under me (because I just bought a smokin' hot pair of heels that my podiatrist will hate). 

So what have I learned in the last 20 years?  Well, I certainly don't care anymore who got the choir solo - or the lead part in the musical - who was head cheerleader - or even who is dating whom.  It just doesn't make a lick of difference in my life anymore.  I've learned that if I like my hair this way that everyone else can just stick it. 

Man, looks like I've learned to cop an attitude 'eh?

Okay - so I've also learned to take the blame a little better.  I can now admit when I'm wrong... and I've learned that I was wrong A LOT more often than I even noticed during high school.  I've also learned to stand on my own two feet.  Not just because I spent a good portion of my childhood on crutches - but because I am now big enough to do whatever I want whether or not it's "cool" or "important"

So, with all of this growth why is there a part of me that's scared to death?  It might just be the part that is afraid the new heels are a tad on the high side... but it might be that there's a part of that insecure teenager lurking inside me dying to get out.  Curse you Stephenie Meyer for bringing out the teenager in me with those sappy vampire books!

Tomorrow maybe I'll go see Toy Story 3 before the second night of the reunion so that I can bring out the elementary child in me - THAT should be fun!

I'll have news - and pictures - tomorrow!!! 

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

No time for a REAL post - so here, for all of those of you (and I know the number is somewhere in the thousands...  I'm not good with math) who have been DYING to know about why we did THIS

to a perfectly reasonable human being...  you will need to go check out the Ultimate Snuggie Smackdown post from awhile back.  That will explain it all!  (okay, well the answer to life the universe and everything probably isn't in there - but just go with "C" - it's always served me well on multiple choice tests in the past)

or 42... but that's just a scandalous rumor.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Where is that darn camera when I need it most???

When my kids were younger all of our photo-worthy moments happened in the house. 

When Po left little pink yogurt  footprints from the kitchen to the bedroom?  I got it on film!  (seriously though - never rent a house that has the dining room carpeted, what's WITH that?)

When the teenager was just a toddler and tried to PET a rat that was in our backyard - I have photos of the bite marks AND the rat that died soon after...  and to think we were worried about my SON getting sick from the bite...

Now?  It seems all of our camera moments happen when we're out and about.  I'm actually pretty good about having a camera with me most of the time, but last week when I drove by the local gas station - I was caught completely off guard and without a camera to document their HUGE sign advertising "Ice Cold Ice" - how badly do you all want to know what the alternative is???  Room temperature Ice?  Boiling Ice?  hmmm....

Funny license plates always catch me off guard... I suppose I could snap a photo of them with my cell phone camera (except that it's the world's worst camera) but I actually get worried that I will cause a bit of road rage by taking photos of their license plates!

Funniest one I saw recently?  CYADHL...  what, not funny?  of course it's not all by itself...  but then when you realize that it was the license plate on a UPS truck (who recently forced DHL out of business locally) - it's pretty danged funny.  Unless of course you happen to work for DHL, in which case I didn't laugh at all, I promise.

Today's "man I wish I had a camera" moment?  Actually, it wasn't MY camera I was missing - it was my friend R - who should start a blog JUST to tell this story... but since she won't I'm stealing her thunder.  Sorry R, if you want your thunder back just say the word :) 

R was getting ready for bed last night - pajamas? check.  Lights out?  check.  But her hands feel dry... so she goes over to the cupboard (in the dark) and grabs a tube of lotion, which she proceeds to rub into her hands - and then crawls into bed for the night.

In the morning R wakes to find that she made a teensy tiny little mistake.  The Lotion?  Self Tanning Cream.


and of course - I wasn't able to insist on a picture before she scrubbed her hands raw in order to lighten the damage... but I imagine it looked something like this...

well, minus the weird eyebrows, and those criss-crossed suspenders, I have a feeling R would look REALLY bad in those!

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Who is this guy and WHY do I keep seeing his picture???

usually accompanied by a Facebook ad for Moms to go back to school...   somebody tell me WHY this is the picture that accompanies this ad.  Is he going to be my instructor if I go back to school?  If that's the case - sign me UP!  (or not)

Is it a threat - go back to school or ELSE!  What, they'll send this guy after me?  Okay, so it DOES kind of look like he just escaped from Azkaban...  (sorry, deep down I'm just a Harry Potter geek)  ...and that IS kinda scary, maybe I'll be signing up after all!

But I tell you what - I'm going to study advertising just so I can get this guy's mug off my facebook ads once and for all!

Monday, June 7, 2010

Happy Hikers and Second Grade Curriculum

After my morning walk of 3.5 miles I came home to a family eager to go on a lovely relaxing hike.
"Eager" might not be the word for it however... more like reluctantly cooperating for fear of their lives.  You see, I'd threatened them the night before that if I heard so much as one murmur of complaint we would be observing a strict 9:30 bedtime for the remainder of the summer.
This beautiful alcove was the final destination of the hike - absolutely gorgeous and M fully enjoyed testing the echo many many many many many many many many many times while there.

Of course, there were a few "moments" along the way that were a little less serene.

Specifically this one which shows how excited the 15 year old was to join us.
 And then there's the one that had me breaking out in a sweat... wondering just how much second grade curriculum has changed over the years... 

 I was walking nicely along (yes, IN the creek) when WHAM - I nearly trip over a frog.  At least it looked like A frog at first because I was hiking without my contacts or my glasses.  (fashion being HIGHLY important in the outdoors when I'm dripping with sweat).  Like a good and nurturing mother I called my youngest two (the girls) over to see this cute frog - and of course when they get there the conversation begins...
M- is that frog EATING another frog?
Me - ummm (finally seeing the REAL issue) - no honey, it looks like they're just doing piggy backs.  (hey,  I had no prep time... we'll discuss the birds, bees, and frogs another time okay!)

H - Mom, we learned about this in School because my teacher likes frogs

Me - (secretly hoping that we are NOT going to go THERE) oh really H?  (looking desperately at ManOfTheHouse to change the subject already!)

H - Yeah Mom - when frogs have babies...

Me -
H - They carry their babies on their backs!

Me - (quite relieved) - see M - just giving piggy-backs... okay, let's catch up with those boys!

I'm not sure which wore me out more - the conversation or the 5 miles of uphill/downhill/creek wading... but I went to bed as soon as we got home.  Thank goodness Zion National Park only has free weekend once or twice a year - I don't know if I could handle it more often!!!

Friday, June 4, 2010

Channeling Billy Mays... again?

anyone remember M's funny story from awhile back about NEEDING the EZ comb?  Well, she's at it again...  only this time she has taken up the cause of the Topsy Turvy - have you seen this?

Apparently my daughter is concerned about my back.  While driving along she tells me that we need this so I don't have to do so much "back-breaking work".  Have I mentioned ever that M actually HATES tomatoes?  She is just VERY easily influenced by advertising!  Perhaps I should spend my days making TV commercials for things like toothbrushing and cleaning your closet?

Admittedly - it does seem like a brilliant idea - which is why I smiled when (after calling ManOfTheHouse to tell him our cute M story) he had stopped and purchased one.  Will I ever plant it?  maybe next year... someone forgets sometimes that it is UBER hot around here and our growing season is pretty much past!  I am looking forward to fresh homegrown tomatoes without a broken back next year though... as long as she keeps avoiding stepping on cracks at least!

I'm a little worried though - either my little girl is going to grow up and have a brilliant career as a spokesperson... or her husband will have to lock away the credit cards and have the cable company block HSN and QVC because she'll buy anything with a catchy ad.

and for the record - she really doesn't watch TV all that often...  and this is why!