Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Horrible Confessions of Discrimination.

I've been short my entire life.  Seriously... born short... still short - it doesn't seem fair does it.

and when I say "short" I mean as in Under Five Feet short...   yep, I know... you'd all be looking down at me right now if we were in the same room.  and not just because I am sprawled across my couch typing this.

The thing is... the whole you towering over me thing... I like it that way.  I'm used to it.  That IS my comfort zone.  I put a lot of work into making sure that my hair is cute from that angle...  you know it requires at least two mirrors and an incredibly awkward arm position to make sure that my poofy hair is not too poofy up top.  But I do it... for all of the people taller than me.  Most likely, that means you.

Back in "the day" when I was still "growing" the doctor would always laugh at me because I wasn't on those fancy "charts" (hmmm... the quotation marks are just popping out there today aren't they?)

Not being on the charts means that at least 99% of the population (in your age group) is taller than you.  Once you hit 18 that age group becomes the rest of the adult world... so 99% of the adults on earth (and frankly a lot of kids) are taller than me.

I really don't have a problem with this - I've heard every short joke ever invented.  They're not terribly funny for the most part, but I smile because it's better than having people think I'm offended.  You know what I DO have a problem with.

Short People.

yep, I know... it sounds odd - but they kinda give me the creeps.  After a lifetime of looking UP to people I get a little weirded out when I find an adult that I have to look down at.  I MUST look away...  I MUST remove my shoes to try to be shorter... I MUST not stare... and above all I MUST not ask what is wrong with them!?!

My doctor's office (yep, the OB type of doctor) has a PA who is shorter than me...  shortly before delivering my last daughter I was scheduled for a visit with this PA - who I'd never met.  I stood around (wearing some darling 3 inch clogs) and she walked into the room...  I'm pretty sure I set a land-speed record in an effort to sit down in a chair... the shoes probably left a dent in the wall I kicked them off so quickly.
My daughter's teacher is barely taller than me...  I am careful to wear flat shoes when I go to that classroom...

This is wrong!  I know it and I can't help it.

Good news though - it turns out that the creepiness does not extend to "Little People" - for some reason that doesn't bother me... really. 

so truly - I am just prejudiced against people exactly like myself.  I think I should sue myself for wrongful discrimination...

Image taken from some area of Purdue's website... 

And I promise, if you're shorter than me, we can still be friends... but if we do lunch - let's not sit at those horrible TALL tables at Applebee's, I hate feeling like I'm in a highchair again!!

18 comments:

Kristina P. said...

My coworker, Charlie, has a thing with being the tallest. He's 6'7", so he usually is. But whenever we get a new intern, we tell him that he's taller and stronger than him. He really loves working with me.

MommyJ said...

Under five feet is really short. I'm 5'6 and sometimes forget that I'm actually taller than the average woman. When I put my four inch wedges on, that makes me 5'10! Which is tall, yes? My husband is 5'9 so he hates it when I wear those shoes. I tell him to man up. Four inch wedges are the only thing that save the ugliness of my ankles. And not having ugly ankles is way more important that him feeling short.

Terresa said...

Short = sweet in my book. I am surrounded by short people (4 of them, my own children). But they have wise things to say, most of the time. I say don't underestimate short people. :)

*****PS: You Are the Winner of Annette's Band of Sisters! Email me your snail mail address so we can get it to you!!

Congrats!!!

T said...

I should have pointed out that kids SHOULD be shorter than me - and that doesn't bother me either...

and I'm not horrible, just really REALLY uncomfortable.

One Cluttered Brain said...

YOU won Band of sisters? AWESOME BOOK BTW! I have it already.
Sweet!
:)

And as for being short, I am short too. Can't reach anything high without a chair. It's ok. We can be short together. (although I think you have me beat in the short department) lol.
I still love ya...

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Ha ha ha Lubbed this post. You are heelarious.

Barbaloot said...

Life really isn't to bad when you spend it looking up. Except it's impossible to wear hats with bills in front:)

T said...

Barb! I'd never really thought about it before... I wear my baseball caps on days when I don't want anyone to talk to me... works every time.

Becky said...

That is funny stuff! I have issues hanging around short people because it always makes me feel like this fat, giant, abnormal thing. Which isn't great for the self-esteem, you know...

And yet I occasionally wear heels. Where's the logic, I ask you?

Gina said...

I totally hear ya!

I'm tall, 5'8", which I know is not terribly tall, but tall enough that I have had only one female friend taller than me in my whole life. I have always been taller than teachers, professors, boys I dated, etc. Add in the fact that I am not ashamed of my height, and I often wear wedges and heels, so many days I stand over 6 feet tall.

When I meet a woman standing taller than me it freaks. me. out.

I would rather talk to my primary president who is 4'11" than to a woman standing taller than me.

Weird. But now that I know the short people are the same way, I don't feel so bad.

Megz said...

I think you need a backup 'special' thing for when you're out-shorted by somebody. Maybe get a tat on your nose. That'll keep you being unique. Well, hopefully nobody else will have that....

Charlotte said...

I will not tell you about how just yesterday my 4 year-old pointed at the Asian man checking out in front of us at the store and asked if he could drive. When I whispered (knowing why he asked), "Probably." He then exclaimed, "But he is SO SMALL like ME." And I hope that the man really didn't hear him and wasn't just pretending.

I won't tell you this story because I hope to not offend you. Like MommyJ I think of myself as short at 5'6" and am always surprised when I am taller than someone.

Good luck on the discrimination suit!

Saimi said...

I'm sorta in the middle standing at 5'5" can we still be friends?

I just saw a car coming down the road and I swear it was driving by its self. When it passed me I barely saw a head, I first thought maybe a kid was hijacking a car, but after reading your post, I take that back.

I also learned people/kids will find any reason to tease. My name has been on the chopping block for ever! do you know you pronounce it like this... (Sigh me) who would have thought?

Jen T said...

I'd like to see how you do your hair. You should video it :)

T said...

and now the world knows why I drive a monster freakin' huge black SUV... it's the only time I enjoy looking down at the world around me :)

hmmmm... a VLOG of my poofy hair... I'll think about it. I did promise "somebody" I'd VLOG soon - I keep putting it off, maybe when I have 100 followers? but no promises on the poofy perfection thing :)

Missy said...

I am pretty sure they make pills for that! LOL

Heidi said...

Hee hee--very clever! My sister is just your height and what bugs her the most is that people tend to think she is a child and ignores her and that she can't comfortably work at the kitchen counter without wearing heels. She has never mentioned how she feels about short people, though. I'll have to ask her.

April said...

I am just over 5 feet (as you know). I claim to be 5'2" when I am slightly under. hehehehe. So, my pet peeve about being short is people who don't trim their nose hairs. And I too drive a huge SUV and I only have my oldest left at home. Lunch this week?