Friday, September 3, 2010

Labor Day

I had spectacularly awesome plans for a nice Labor Day post...

and then time got short...

and then I remembered that really... nobody enjoys hearing my Labor stories...  I think that other Moms smile and nod and cringe in all the right spots because secretly, they're just waiting for the moment when they can one up me with their own hideous stories of pain, screaming and torture.

So no labor stories...

Okay - maybe one QUICK one...

and really, there's no disgusting parts - so my men readers can relax now...

I love nurses - I am related to some nurses, and I know of at least ONE nurse that reads my blog and I would never dream of bad-mouthing the nursing profession (doctors and physical therapists are not safe here however)... but when I had been through about 15 hours of labor with my first son I had a really... ummm... dense? nurse -

She had been in and out of my room - making me lay on my left side.  leaving me alone for twenty minutes.  back in and switching me onto my right side... and leaving me alone for another twenty minutes...  rinse, repeat, do not pass go.  Finally she comes in and asks me this:

"Okay, honey - I need to ask... are you more comfortable with that child on the right side?  or the left side?"

Please remember that I've been in labor for 15 hours at this point - so do not judge me when I tell you that my eyes bugged eight inches away from my skull - fire came out of my ears and my voice became tinged with fire and brimstone as I answered...

"On the OUTside"

She got out of my room.  quickly.

and that's all, you don't want to hear about the next nine hours - I'm pretty sure my memory of real labor is spotty at best...  it must be, because I had four more children after that.

and yes, I DO know that Labor Day is not about childbirth... but hey, give me a break... I'm on a deadline here!

Enjoy your weekend!!!

13 comments:

One Cluttered Brain said...

LOL!!
Ahh YES, Labor Day...
What a dummy nurse....

On the OUTSIDE of course...which is also how I prefer my babies too...:)

UGH. Labor. Don't make me remember.
R U posting all weekend?
COOL if you are!

Sandra said...

Oh I so love how you made Labour Day about actual labour! Brilliant!
And I enjoy me a good labour story so feel free to share more.
How witty were you in the throes of labour pains!

Kristina P. said...

Haha, love it. I am amazed you were able to keep your wit while in massive labor.

Garden of Egan said...

Uh...........I can't believe you remembered me after all those years...................

You musta really scared her.
Poor thing.

Nothing scarier than a woman in labor. Freddy's got nothin' on 'em.

Jen T said...

Oh the horror stories that come up with Labor comes up! Hope you have a good weekend!

Saimi said...

Haha oh my I guess you told her! It's amazing what child birth can do to a woman!

Love the Labor Day story!

Missy said...

Oh, my! That is hilarious! Really hilarious!

Heidi said...

My mom had eight kids and insists that she never would have had that many if labor and delivery weren't such a fuzzy memory. "However," she said, "once I would get on that delivery table, it would all come back to me!" Yay for spotty memories or else I would not be here! (I think you were totally justified in your irritation.)

Erin said...

Oh that I had snappy comebacks like yours!! Stopping by to thank you for coming over to my place to read & comment on The Empress' guest post.

This was so cute & funny I think I'm going to follow you now. I hope you're enjoying the weekend!

Erin @ The Mother Load
@erinlynn76

Lisa said...

How the crap could you be so sharp and witty after 15 hours of labor? You do yourself proud, dear woman. And FYI, I was actually born ON Labor Day, so your story is completely appropriate. So there.

Becky said...

"...other Moms smile and nod and cringe in all the right spots because secretly, they're just waiting for the moment when they can one up me with their own hideous stories of pain, screaming and torture."

Sooooo true! It baffles my husband that, even after having shared my birthing stories three billion times, I'm still up for more. I tell him that if he ever pushed a human being out of his you-know-what, he'd never get tired of talking about it either. :)

Rudy Rukus said...

Dude I am a nurse and I hated my nurse with my first kid too. I nearly killed her when she told me that it really couldn't hurt that bad I had an epidural. Hey lady the epidural isn't working that is why I am making these awful sounds...... teehee! And I am laughing because the WV is belywaxi (what it up with that?)

The Empress said...

Oh, that was as quick as can be. "On the outside.."

lighting quick.

nice job.